[PLEASE HELP!]

Again thank you all for the replies, just being able to talk about this openly is a huge load off my chest. The gay thing still seems to be a topic of discussion so let me address that when i do watch porn i watch it to see a young girl with a nice girl shaped butt similar to my girlfriend have anal sex. it has nothing to do with the man, IF i am gay or bi I don't know it yet and have way to much on my mind to be leaning in that direction besides I've never had anal sex before and don't even know if i like it,especially with a dude .

ALso I'm not in any way TRYING to push her to do anything she doesnt want to do, i would be happy dealing with it for the rest of my life as long as no one got hurt emotionally or physically. I cant just watch anal sex porn and go on living because she finds out and it hurts her. So now my question to you all is how do i get her to deal with a just a little bit of porn? She did have self-esteem issues as a teenageer, I dont think she has A LOT of confidence( especially now because of whats happened) and she can very very jealouse. Also when i say all these excuses about watching porn she tells me to just use my imagination but when i try and fantasize about just the two of us, her huge ex-boyfriend pops into the picture and the fantasy is over. Another thing is, Im not that big(endowed,6 in) and she is kinda loose inside witch makes me think about anal even more(because of the constriction and how awesome it MIGHT feel)I do kegels. Would it be inappropriate to ask her to do the same , to strengthen her muscles.

Also i have noticed in the past that when our sex life is going really good(everyday, hours at a time, passionate lovemaking) that i do not think about porn at all, I dont think about her ****** ex-boyfriends, i am normal if we just have lots of fun sex. But because of all the lying and porn addiction, she says she doesnt feel as sexually appreciated and when i want sex, i will do all of the nice sweet things to get her in the mood and she will still turn me down. She didnt use to do that, i used to be able to have her whenever i wanted, it was a real turn on but now she turns me down and i just go look at porn later. She also makes more money than me and is really good at winning arguments. Any ideas? DO you girls like your man in control of things or do like a 50/50 partnership?One more thing ladies, Do you see it possible to allow you man to look at porn because you dont want to do something bed with him?HOw would you help him deal with something that you didnt want to do?

[Little]

Anonymouswhitefemale, anal is not something I would classify as "minor." Women have ended up with major issues with their elimination systems thanks to anal sex. Of course, done carefully and sparingly, it's not so very dangerous ... but how do you think those older guys were treating that young girl? They're used to women who've done it all, but she hasn't. MANY women don't like anal sex. If you don't like something, why do it? If she doesn't like it, she's more likely to be tense, and more likely to be hurt.
But I don't agree wholly with the down-low theory. It's a possibility, sure. I have my own ideas about bisexuality; I think at some point one sex is preferred over the other and the more "socially acceptable" one gets a fake preference sometimes.
"Please help," you need to figure out what it is about anal that you like so much. Just because it's taboo? What if it wasn't taboo; your girlfriend just woke up one day and asked you to stick it in her butt? To do it every day? Would you still like it? My boyfriend likes anal every once in a [very long] while, and he says it's because it's like an ultimate domination. He's not into whips and chains or any of that S&M stuff at all, though. It's strange. I don't think that the "taboo" marker can really explain why you like it. So, figure it out ... and I hate to say that you're not going to be able to figure it out with this girl you love.
Take a look around the forum at many posts about having disparate sex drives between partners. It's a miserable thing, and you might be looking at it. Maybe it's not fair to leave your girlfriend because of anal sex, but is it really fair for her to deny you what you want the most and deny you any method of alleviating it? It's a hard situation, and I hope you find a way to deal with it.

[PLEASE HELP!]

Little- there are a lot of things that have have led up to this curiosity, no obsession if she did wake up one day and said go ahead and do it i would be stoked, i might not even like it, i might just want to do it once a year like your man. I also would be gentle and perfect as i have researched it many many times. But what do you mean i cannot figure this one out with the one i love, i have to figure this one out, we are not breaking up because of anal sex, thats ******. HOW do i get her to help me, whether its allowing me to watch porn (once in while),watching it with her, bettering our regular sex life so as i do not need this obsession. Just any advice on what i can do to save our relationship.Anything.

[Little]

Ohh, those pictures where you can see up the girl's anus >.< Disgusting, and so sad.
I have to say that anal sex wasn't bad. It had a certain charm to it. It's not something I wanted to make a habit of, but I filed it under "wouldn't mind to try more often" ... once he and I get our other sex-life issues worked out.
But like I said before, if she doesn't want it, she won't agree to it, and "Please Help," how can you really work through it if you can't try it?

[shortienholla]

I agree with everyone who says that you are way out of hand on this. I can understand you wanting something such as an anal experience. My husband to at one point wanted to try anal. Of course I tried to have a little interaction with him, but as most have said it hurt. (he is lil more than 10in) He understood my feelings and has not brought it up since then. I think that you are trying to hard to change someone. If it hurts it hurts and if she does not want to do it, then she does not want to do it. It is time for you to accept that and realize that you have to either stop or the relationship is over, if it is not already to late. I think that you are making her feel bad about herself because of the fact that she has told you no and you are now looking for porn. To me that seems as though you will always look some where else for pleasure if she is not willing or able to give it to you. You need to figure out what you want. If it is her then stop! You can stop! I know that some say that you cant but will power can make you stop. If you want to stick with porn then you need to let her go. You are doing nothing but hurting her and you are a worthless thing for a man if you continue to do so. It is time to grow up and treat a lady like she should be treated. Just because you do not get anal does not mean that sex or your relationship will not be great!

[sourpuss]

I agree with shortienholla.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Out of interest to the actual level of pain, I tried it on myself with my girls dildo, and being careful it really didn't hurt much at all. And then I think that we'd be throwing ourselves into physical danger to protect you or your honour, costing perhaps a split lip or a broken nose, which is far worse. The time we carry you back from the club because your feet are hurting from high heels. etc. We suffer pain for women, and do it without grumbling - if your partner is curious to try something that you can offer which really isn't too bad at all, I think you should try it. The bigger deal is not doing it rather than doing it. That's what'll damage the relationship more.

As for long term damage, I can't see it being that bad. It'd likely be infrequent and careful, and I bet all gay guys dont poo their pants from time to time....

And CarolineWH, we are descended from monkeys. Monkeys are natural. Monkeys have anal sex. Are you saying that Monkeys are unnatural? 'cos I'd say that we're a good deal less natural than them. Also, when a man wants anal sex with a woman, it by no means means that he's thinking of a boy while he's doing it, obviously.

PLEASE HELP, it seems like your gf has a bit of a stranglehold around you, to be honest I'm suprised you dont just watch porn behind her back. My partner doesn't like me watching porn particularly, though she's put it on before and stuff, it's a self confidence thing for her. But as you mentioned, if we were having a more healthy sex life the other urge dissipates, so in my mind if she creates the problem by being too tired or not in the mood, then the result is her responsibility...

I don't agree that it's porn or the gf, I'm sure if you were running around in the wild with your mate, you'd both watch the other himan couple having sex by the river, or whatever. It's perfectly natural.

[Fallen1]

Out of interest to the actual level of pain, I tried it on myself with my girls dildo, and being careful it really didn't hurt much at all.

Out of curiousity anonymous just to what extent did you try it? What I'm asking is did you stick it in to see what it felt like? Did you just stick it in a little bit or did you stick it all the way in as a man would and thrust for several minutes (and hard) as a man might if he were doing it to his g/f? I'm just wanting to know if you gave it a "proper" try to know really how uncomfortable it could be.

I myself have done it with my guy on occasion when he's wanted to but that urge for him is rare. He has always been very respectful of my feelings, always has asked first and if I've asked him to stop he stops. Sometimes it can be painful, sometimes just uncomfortable. It's not something I desire and it really does nothing for me but I have participated for him.

PLEASE HELP, do you think that maybe this "infatuation" of yours stems from the fact that you know there have been other men that have done something to your girl that you haven't?

[sourpuss]

PLEASE HELP, do you think that maybe this "infatuation" of yours stems from the fact that you know there have been other men that have done something to your girl that you haven't?

I think that's a huge part of it, just my opinion.

[BandofGypsies]

To answer Fallen1's question about a man experimenting with taking a dildo in a way that would be similar to a male lover thrusting. I was in a BDSM relationship for several years, where my Dominatrix gf was into receiving and giving anal sex. She enjoyed it, but she did it I think to get me to be a receiver; I was in an experimental stage in my 20s and gave in to her request. So, as a man who taken a 4, a 6 and then a 8 inch dildo up the bum well over 100 times, I'll testify that it CAN hurt, but if a copious amount of lube is used then it just discomforting on the way in (the first few times after that it became easy, since it was a staple in our 2 or 3 times a week sex-life). Once she had all 8 inches inside of me and was vigorously thrusting the discomfort faded into a state of bliss. This has to do with massaging the prostrate. Heck, I even achieved a wild orgasm when my gf brought another girl into the mix and they took turns pegging me for about 10 minutes.

I do not believe this makes me gay or bisexual, because the sight of a naked man in person will eliminate any erection that I might have. I'm not uncomfortable seeing a naked man (because I've seen my share of porn and been in enough locker rooms), but there's no sexual energy, no sexual cravings or desires to experiment -- hence me enjoying anal sex doesn't put me into the Down Low category or the bisexual category.

I haven't been in the BDSM relationship in years, and haven't given or received anal sex since then and I haven't had any elimination issues either. Currently, I have a fiancee and I've ask her about anal sex, she's into anal "play" but not the actual insertion. As I have a 7.5 inch penis that's also fairly thick, she believes it's going to hurt. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. She's brought it up from time to time when we've had sexual conversations on IM, but it hasn't happened. I know she's open to it, but is still a little uneasy because in the past the two times she tried it, it wasn't done right or hurt with little insertion (with men by her account with smaller penises than mine). I haven't really brought it up though, if it happens it happens. If it happens and she doesn't like or is quite uncomfortable with it I don't will do it again.

Do I want to be on the receiving end of anal sex? Taking a finger or two during a blowjob is just as physical satisfying, if not more so.

The porn addiction is another issue -- porn is quite personal and the actual transference fantasies that we men have don't equate to simple deciphering, i.e. I imagine myself sticking it in a man, when I SEE a man stick it in a woman. That's projecting from reading another person's partial description of a voyeuristic act. Since I've been with my fiancee, I might have looked at porn handful of times in the past year. I don't find it that satisfying when I can have sex with my fiancee. The times I've watched porn has been when she's been away for like 3 or 4 days.

The thing about porn though is it gives a fantasy and visual incarnation that's executed in a stylized fashion that isn't totally achievable in real life, so it's dangerous as it creates cravings and desires that aren't abnormal but irrational. As much as a man watches basketball, he's not going to be Like Mike -- yet with porn for some reason, people think that they can have their g/f perform acts like Jenna Jameson or that they can perform like Shawn Michaels.