[faeluna]

If anybody who's ever lost full steam during intercourse at any time qualifies, then I imagine 100% of men have erectile dysfunction. We're obviously talking in practical terms here. If he was absolutely unable to do anything to her, there would be a problem. If he's able to do something to her some of the time and other things the rest of the time, I see little problem, and in fact getting him to focus less on his down time will only help him if he's a 'part timer.'

ED to varying degrees is a fact of life for many men, and I don't think it really helps to maintain porno fantasy standards like '100% erect! 100% of the time!'

I don't think there's any reason why a perfectly healthy and active guy should lose his erection in the heat of the moment. That is not normal to me. We're going at it and suddenly he pops out because he's too soft to stay in - that is a problem. It bothers him A LOT. That alone makes it a problem. I'm not sure if you're misunderstanding the issue or have just been with guys who can't carry on for more than a minute, but in my experience, that is not average or normal.
Had we been doing it for a long time and THEN he starts to soften up... yes, I get that. Guys get tired. But I don't think it should be happening after two or three minutes (sorry I didn't give a time frame before).

[PhrendlyPhil]

faeluna:
He's not at all abnormal. There's a lot of mechanics going on to maintain that erection (not the least of which is the brain). Yes, porn can have an adverse effect on a man's reaction to real world stimuli (i.e. your vagina). The fact that you have a high drive is definitely helpful (I assume you're able to become "wet" very quickly). Try dialing back the intercourse to every other day. Also, encourage him not to "hold back" from ejaculating. The average time for a young man to ejaculate is 3 minutes (from several studies). Also, if possible, switch to morning sex. Yeah, you'll have to wake up earlier, but you might find it very rewarding (I know that's when my erection is hardest and I'm most interested in intercourse). As for your own pleasure, if 3 minutes isn't enough time for you, perhaps you can add some extra stimulation (from your fingers or his, or toys) or get a little head start on him before he enters you, or concentrate on your pleasure after he ejaculates (better for now). I hope at least some of this works for you.

[jen1447]

I don't think there's any reason why a perfectly healthy and active guy should lose his erection in the heat of the moment. That is not normal to me. We're going at it and suddenly he pops out because he's too soft to stay in - that is a problem. It bothers him A LOT. That alone makes it a problem. I'm not sure if you're misunderstanding the issue or have just been with guys who can't carry on for more than a minute, but in my experience, that is not average or normal.
Had we been doing it for a long time and THEN he starts to soften up... yes, I get that. Guys get tired. But I don't think it should be happening after two or three minutes (sorry I didn't give a time frame before).

Is he perfectly healthy tho, or just generally healthy? There are a lot of potential contributing factors to ED, even mild weight gain can have an effect. If you define it as a problem tho and you're lacking in sexual satisfaction because of it, then yes, it's a problem. He should probably see a doctor.

Coincidentally, I heard some factoid on the radio the other day stating that 43% of men finish within two minutes. Your guy might actually be ahead of the curve at three.

[effy2014]

Sex, like most everything else, is more "mental" than physical. I know that this is a tough issue to communicate about, but both of you should really try. Ask what he is thinking about when he loses his erection. The more he can talk about it, the better the likelihood that you two can solve the anxiety and get past this minor bump int he road.

Jenn is right (as usual) . . . an orgasm a day (at my age, usually my limit unless its morning and night) is not an issue. I am sure he is willing to satisfy you in other ways.

[rcoreyus]

Its quite possible that he worries about loosing his erection during sex, that stresses him, and the stress causes it to happen. I really think the best approach is to try not to worry about it for a while, let the stress go away and it may just correct itself. Meanwhile as I think Jen said, its a great opportunity for him to find other ways to please you.

[Motorguy]

Is he perfectly healthy tho, or just generally healthy? There are a lot of potential contributing factors to ED, even mild weight gain can have an effect. If you define it as a problem tho and you're lacking in sexual satisfaction because of it, then yes, it's a problem. He should probably see a doctor.

Coincidentally, I heard some factoid on the radio the other day stating that 43% of men finish within two minutes. Your guy might actually be ahead of the curve at three.

Oh wow that's good I am glad I am the other 57% that doesn't last only 2 or 3 minutes that's a relief. I though maybe 15 or 20 mins could be to short of a time.

[faeluna]

It does interfere with our overall satisfaction, and we are talking about it. So far we've come up with taking breaks to perform oral or make out/fondle before getting back into it... sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it'll only work for another couple minutes. We're trying. I do honestly think he worries about losing his erection during sex and that worry causes it. I don't know what I can do to help him forget that worry though.

[DreamP346]

Agree to take a break from intercourse and orgasm. This includes masturbation. Do a lot a foreplay, fondling, touching of other erogenous zones but leave the genitals out. Try this for a week. You really have to commit to it because if you lose control and decide to just go for it, it won't work. By the end of the week, you both will be super turned on and horny for each other. It also helps take the pressure off of the erection.

[rcoreyus]

Preferences vary, but at least for my wife and I, intercourse is just one of the many things we do in a lovemaking session, and not even something we always do. There are lots of great intimate things you can do together - maybe its worth spending time exploring all the alternatives. You could even decide that for a week or a month you are going to be intimate without intercourse. Try to take the pressure off him that this is the key to all sexual enjoyment. Intercourse is great, but so are lots of other things.

[muffin70]

**muffin70: I think he's having the same kind of problem! He did mention to me after our first few times that he noticed he's feeling self-conscious for the first time in years. I told him he has nothing to worry about (I love his body and I just adore him), but he has trouble getting out of his own head. We do talk about it sometimes, but I'm not sure how to best go about that... any suggestions? So far he's only brought it up to me out of concern that he's not satisfying me; I don't bring it up to him our of fear that it will hurt his self-esteem or something.

Best thing you can do is help him - tell him you love him and it's nothing to do with his size or anything... my wife really helped me and encouraged me to get help for it. Take things slowly though - don't just rush into sex.... the counseller I saw said to do plenty of foreplay with each other like kissing and touching...etc... then after a couple of weeks or so try having sex again..... this seemed to work for me.
Stress can also affect him... and if he is going through some structural changes at work, that's probably playing on his mind and affecting him.
Why not give him a relaxing massage, make him his favourite drink (mine is bourbon and coke!) and let him watch something he likes on TV - let him unwind first....
Best thing you can do though is to stick with him and help him through this - Good luck!