[Blueeyescd]

How do I convince my husband of 20 years to be more gentle when fingering me during sex. It always hurts and then I end up with a yeast infection afterwards. I also do not orgasm at all if ever. I am very sexual with my husband, and I have prevented him from using his fingers a few times, but every time he uses his fingers he is a little rough. Which I like it that way but nut with his fingers, I have even told him during sex to be gentle, but it never seems to work. Now I am sitting in a tub, hurting from his fingering me over a few days ago. I am lost need help. I use a vibrator sometimes and it does not burn as bad his fingers do. I am also prone to yeast infections, please help.

[Stillness]

I have a similar situation, but I'm the husband. I keep my nails trimmed and am very careful, but my wife claims that she's hurt afterwards. It's frustrating because I really like to do it and have had some amazing times with her. Things have happened that don't seem to be reproducible other ways.

I don't know if it's me or her, but basically, we've given it up. My hands still go down there in ways she really enjoys, but it's not the prolonged, in and out fingereng. The up side is that she likes the stuff we do way more than she ever liked fingering. The down side is that I really don't.

Long story short, you're going to have to make it clear to him that your hurting and that what he may have done with other people does not work for you. The porn banging does not work. Keep his nails trimmed. Show him how you prefer it done by guiding his hands or demonstrating. You can always get gloves and put cottonballs in the tips if rough edges are the culprits.

If you're like my wife, and not that into it anyway, you could just do other stuff.

[jen1447]

Don't feel bad - a lot of women prefer rubbing to fingering. He may like fingering but he should be happy just to be in there at all. If he doesn't get the message verbally, then push his hand away anytime he does something you don't like. If he still doesn't get it, you may have to cut him off and sit him down for a lecture. Point is, you're not obligated to accommodate him.

[Patti-here]

Your getting a 'yeast infection' from being fingered ?? Does your husband even wash his hands first ??,, If pushing his hand away, or telling him to stop doesn't work, try a good smack upside his head...

[Blueeyescd]

I am also sore with him rubbing, but not when I do. If we use a vibrator, I am fine until he wants to move it around instead of keeping it still. I have pushed his fingers away before but sometimes I am not able to do that. I am tired of being sore and itching and in pain, what should I do.

[Stillness]

Why are you not able to push him away? Is he a cruel to you? Why doesn't telling him he's hurting you not work? Does he just do what he wants regardless of your desire?

[Blueeyescd]

I have but sometimes he gives me the sad eyes and I give in, or he decides that he wants to play and I usually give in because he is stronger than me. He probably thinks that I am playing with him. I also have some medical issues, that we have always worked around.

[Stillness]

Sounds like communication is your issue. It sounds like you're being too passive with him and suffering heavy consequences later that he probably doesn't understand.

Can you tell him, "I had to soak for hours because of what we did. It always hurts me. I get infections. Can you help me? Can we figure out ways to enjoy each other that don't damage me, please?"

[atskitty2]

He Gives you the sad eyes and you give in?
Stand your ground and protect yourself. You're sending mixed messages and allowing yourself to be manipulated by telling him to stop, and then giving him the green light to go on.
Probably a good idea to have a discussion about this outside the bedroom and maybe when it comes time, a reminder of your preference will be all that's necessary.

[Motorguy]

Your getting a 'yeast infection' from being fingered ?? Does your husband even wash his hands first ??,, If pushing his hand away, or telling him to stop doesn't work, try a good smack upside his head...

I'll remember not to **** you off Patti lol.