[Patti-here]

Very insightful Jen. My SO had a very difficult childhood and teen years. Abused by an uncle, almost beaten to death by a boy friend and date raped by another. Her 20 year marriage was, by her account, mostly sexless and intimacy free. When we got together, I took baby steps and intentionally kept away from anything that could be interpreted as domineering. To my surprise, after a few months, she wanted me to be much rougher and much more dominant. I insisted on having safe words but she has never used them. It took me more time to get off on it than her.

Geez, have you gotten to the point that you 'think' you need a safe word effy ?

P.S. sorry I ain't jen

[effy2014]

Geez, have you gotten to the point that you 'think' you need a safe word effy ?
)

To be fair, during the exploration of what "rougher sex" might be like, I had no idea what might trigger a negative reaction . . . especially with an arm or hand around her throat. What may have been great one day may not be well received on another. She hasn't used the safe word yet, after 3 or so years of exploration, so I count that as a positive. I suppose I was being very proactive.

[Patti-here]

To be fair, during the exploration of what "rougher sex" might be like, I had no idea what might trigger a negative reaction . . . especially with an arm or hand around her throat. What may have been great one day may not be well received on another. She hasn't used the safe word yet, after 3 or so years of exploration, so I count that as a positive. I suppose I was being very proactive.

Ok effy I see...

Yeah kind of looks like your all good from here, I don't know about choking though.

[Something_Awesome]

No safe words for my ball slapping! Not even "ow" works on her.

[jen1447]

Something, your GF is the awesome one. (In all seriousness, having an instinct for how far to take it - which may seem farther than caution would allow - is an amazing thing. I bet the appearance of there being no limit to her 'cruelty' can make you blow in itself.)

effy, you seem like a very kind and considerate guy so I imagine you're already good with this, but when I'm roughing somebody up (I have a current GF who loves that, fairly extreme too), I always make a point to finish that treatment with lovey-doveyness. So she gets the roughneck treatment, gets treated like a [edit-'ho'] and all that verbally and physically, and when she's had her Os I cuddle her up and kiss her and caress her and reassure her and all that good stuff.

[effy2014]

effy, you seem like a very kind and considerate guy so I imagine you're already good with this, but when I'm roughing somebody up (I have a current GF who loves that, fairly extreme too), I always make a point to finish that treatment with lovey-doveyness. So she gets the roughneck treatment, gets treated like a [edit-'ho'] and all that verbally and physically, and when she's had her Os I cuddle her up and kiss her and caress her and reassure her and all that good stuff.

I try to be and usually succeed with my SO. Your suggestion is a great one. We are always lovey/dovey after sex and usual fall asleep in each other's arms. To me, part of being a good lover is giving what your partner needs without being judgmental and always being loving about it.

[effy2014]

Ok effy I see...

Yeah kind of looks like your all good from here, I don't know about choking though.

I didn't either until my SO and I got together 5 years ago. I've since learned that erotic asphyxia is not all that uncommon. I will try whatever makes her Os flow.

[Patti-here]

Oh ok effy, yeah I've heard of that, never tried it, but I don't knock anything I've never done..

[Patti-here]

No safe words for my ball slapping! Not even "ow" works on her.

LOL!!

Sorry Something, you just crack me up sometimes

[rcoreyus]

Do be careful with erotic asphyxiation. There have been some very unfortunate accidents - though very rare. Spanking though is completely safe.

I didn't either until my SO and I got together 5 years ago. I've since learned that erotic asphyxia is not all that uncommon. I will try whatever makes her Os flow.