[effy2014]

The best thing that has been said is to partner with him to solve the medical problem. ED issues are highly embarrassing and ego destroying issues. Even if you have never been negative about it, he has a hard time believing that, underneath the positivity, you are being critical. It's in the mind.

If you go to the doctors and are supportive, he will be more able to relax and confide in you. Make it very safe as this is a very difficult issue. Sounds like you are on the right track. Best of luck.

[valove]

Thanks again, Motorguy, and thanks effy2014!

[Motorguy]

Thanks again, Motorguy, and thanks effy2014!

It's my pleasure Valove good luck, as i hope everything works out for you. I can tell you really love him just because you care what is going on with your boy friend health that is really true love Valove. God bless you for that. I hope you come back and give us a up date of the progress of all this.

[valove]

Well, it turns out the issue is much more than I expected. He's using drugs. It certainly explains a lot of the issues.

[Motorguy]

Well, it turns out the issue is much more than I expected. He's using drugs. It certainly explains a lot of the issues.

Oh wow if I can asked what type of drugs Valove, how did you find out your boy friend was doing drugs. Did he confess to you he was or you caught him doing them. You probably right on a lot of his issue in the bedroom. What are your plains are you going to help him kick these drugs or throw in the towel now. I feel for you wow very tough to find out this issue.

[aura969]

It looks like he needs more time to open up about a possible problem so you should be more patient with him. It is true that you don’t deserve to invest time, energy and feelings in a relationship that couldn’t last, but you have to decide if it’s worth the wait. You can also try talking to a couples therapist or an astrologer about your compatibility with him and his intimacy issues.

[valove]

Motorguy, Sorry for the delayed response. It was speed. I found it, and he (will call him X) said it was something else. I know better. X said it wasn't that important and that he wasn't addicted. X says he just it does for fun occasionally. X swore on his childrens' lives that he loved me enough to stop. That was two months ago, and it's still happening. X has managed to control it so that he is not as angry with me. I still know exactly when he does it. The signs are obvious and like clockwork. X won't sleep for days and is so argumentative and undependable. It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. To make things even worse there is a young woman calling and leaving him messages saying when can she see him or that she waited for him. He denies it all and says it's her being hopeful That she is trash, and he wants nothing from her. She uses too and her boyfriend and her may even give it to him It's all destroying me. I love him so much. I have no support from family and friends because they think I'm making a mistake (again) and that I am on my own if I want to pursue this. I was married to an extremely abusive, cheating, alcoholic previously and they just can't handle it again. My sis is ashamed of me.

When he is not using he is truly the kindest, sweetest, loving man I've even known. If it wasn't for that I would be long gone. But then once every two weeks or so it happens, and he becomes a completely different person for days. He puts me (and everything — parents, work, kids) off, argues with me and lectures me. Then, he'll come down and sleep for 3-4 days and is back to "normal." I realize I've probably never seen his true normal. That's when I know it's about to start over. I am in almost constant state of worry and panic wondering when the bottom is going to drop out again. To make things worse I have been having severe health problems and extensive testing to pin-point a chronic illness or cancer. It has become so bad that I contemplate just ending it all. This is not me.

aura969, He believes counseling doesn't work and that if you need someone to mediate your relationship then it is done. Just an hour ago he said I knew he was on drugs when we started dated so what's the issue. That is 100% NOT true. I would never have gone out with him. Apparently, the entire town does know.

I'm so lost and scared. Please help me!

[Baboy]

I have no support from family and friends because they think I'm making a mistake (again) and that I am on my own if I want to pursue this. I was married to an extremely abusive, cheating, alcoholic previously and they just can't handle it again. My sis is ashamed of me.
...
I am in almost constant state of worry and panic wondering when the bottom is going to drop out again. To make things worse I have been having severe health problems and extensive testing to pin-point a chronic illness or cancer. It has become so bad that I contemplate just ending it all. This is not me.
...
Just an hour ago he said I knew he was on drugs when we started dated so what's the issue. That is 100% NOT true. I would never have gone out with him. Apparently, the entire town does know.

I'm so lost and scared. Please help me!

In you first post you said you had been seeing him for 2 and a half months. Not a long-term, deeply committed relationship.

Given what you have learned, I would cut and run. You you really want to take on a drug addict project? Addictions can be very intractable. You and your relationship can be put through the wringer. Read again what you have said, quoted above. How much more of that do you want to take? Be prepared for plenty. If he's asking you "What's the issue?", that says he has little motivation to change.

Your sis, family and friends are right. Get out now.

[Euphoric]

You're asking for help and if you want to hear an unbiased opinion keep reading. If you want someone to coddle you and tell you it's going to be okay, that your loved ones are horrible people, you probably don't want to keep reading. There are so many RED FLAGS going up, I'm not sure where to begin.

1. You found it(speed), so that means he was hiding it.

2. He claims he's not addicted and swears on his children's lives that he'll stop for you. First, I'm glad I'm not one of his children. Next, he won't stop for you, or anyone else. If he wants to kick the habit, he has to do it for himself.

3. He controls his drug use because he isn't as angry with you. WTH? That is NOT control, nowhere near it. In other words, he keeps his mouth shut hoping to keep you at bay.

4. He's argumentative and not dependable. That's not the kind of life anyone should settle for. If he's like this now, investing more time with him only enables him to continue.

5. There's another woman calling. How did she get your number? She's asking why he stood her up. Hon, he is sneaking around whether you want to admit it or not. Believing his lies and turning a blind eye is not going to make him change.

6. It's all destroying you. That tells me you know what's happening, but maybe you don't realize that you deserve better.

7. You have no support from family and friends…I'm not so sure about this. I think you have a support system, however, they are not willing to support THIS RELATIONSHIP. And they shouldn't. You were previously married to an alcoholic, etc…and your family and friends probably watched you go through hell. They love you, but see how toxic this man is. They are trying to help you, but you are - in a sense- rejecting there help because you refuse to help yourself.

8. You are in a constant state of panic…REMOVE yourself from this environment. Why do you want to live like this??

9. If you would have refused to go out with him had you known about his drug use, then why are you still there?

You need to run, and I mean run, as fast and as far away from this man as you can. Listen to your family. They do love. They are trying to help. You can't see the forest for the trees. You are too close to the situation and you're refusing to look at this relationship objectively. You're jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire if you continue to stay with this man. You don't have that much time invested in this relationship. It's not going to get better with time…actually, life as you know it will deteriorate. During the 'dating phase' people are on their best behavior and if this is his best…GET OUT NOW!!

[effy2014]

I think you already know what you have to do. He is the kindest sweetest man except that, every two weeks he spends days being nasty to you and another 3-4 days sleeping it off. So, 1/3 of the time, his addiction takes him away from you. He keeps you in a constant state of worry and panic. He cannot be there for you in your medical issue. This is not a man that can have a normal relationship. He is not sweet and kind. He is a drug addict and will always be one.

Forget about him going into therapy. Without sounding harsh, you need to be in therapy. You have an attraction to abusive and addictive men. You are willing to lose a supportive family . . . at a time that you really need them . . . to stay with this man. All this for a four month relationship? My supposition is that there are significant co-dependency issues that should be worked out.

Baboy is spot on. Run, don't walk from this man. He will only bring you grief and split your family deeper. Worse yet, if you do not take the time to work on your own issues, you will make this choice again and again.

I wish you the best.