[valove]

motorguy, I've seen a porn video and stuff on his computer. I don't know how often he watches and if that is the problem. He did mention seeing a doctor but then didn't bring it up again. He is super sensitive about the subject so I just don't know how to keep bringing it up. He gets up at least twice during the night. He says it's to smoke, but he does go to the bathroom too.

jen1477, I'll try what you suggest. That is how we usually are. Lots of cuddling, kissing and build up. It happens (or doesn't) even then, from the first time. Mental issues? Yikes!

sp346, You make a good point. All of the posts do seem to point toward a medical issue versus anxiety.

Thanks all!

[Motorguy]

I'm not a clinician, but not getting completely hard sounds like a medical problem, not a confidence problem. Being able to get partially hard but not completely...He really needs to see a doctor.

I agree with that statement SP whole heartily if I was having this same problems. You bet I be on my doctor door step finding why it's going limp.

[Intheshade]

My guy has a lot of issues regarding sex and at the beginning of our relationship, this was a major problem. You can read my thread to understand why.

The first several times we tried to have sex this happened. I remained totally cool about it and acted like it was no big deal. I made excuses for him so that he didn't have to, telling him he must be tired. I let him know I didn't need sex, that I just enjoyed being in his arms. Not exactly true but it was what he needed to hear. He needed to believe I was perfectly ok with it not happening before it could happen.

It still happens semi frequently but I understand the root of it. I have brought up other sexual issues with him, but I know mentioning this to him is taboo. He has told me that his biggest fear is me wanting to talk about it, so I don't and reassure him that it isn't an issue for me.

If you think it is a medical issue, there are supplements that you can buy at a health food store that act like Viagra. I have a feeling convincing your guy to see a Dr. might be a challenge, so try talking to a specialist at a health-food store and ask what they would recommended. Tread lightly when broaching the subject with your man. If the supplement you choose has other health benefits, focus on those instead with a causal by the way, this also helps with male libido.

[jen1447]

I really like this recent influx of strong, intelligent women here ....good to have you, ladies.

[valove]

Motorguy, I'd think he'd want to fix it too. His seeming lack of concern made me wonder if he's gay. I don't think he is though. He does smoke a lot (pack a day) so I wonder if that can effect it.

Intheshade, Thanks! I'll look into the supplements. Also, I will try not to talk about it or pressure him for a little bit and see if that helps. I didn't say anything about any of this until after at least a month. At that point it was just effecting me so much I had to.

[Motorguy]

motorguy, I've seen a porn video and stuff on his computer. I don't know how often he watches and if that is the problem. He did mention seeing a doctor but then didn't bring it up again. He is super sensitive about the subject so I just don't know how to keep bringing it up. He gets up at least twice during the night. He says it's to smoke, but he does go to the bathroom too.

jen1477, I'll try what you suggest. That is how we usually are. Lots of cuddling, kissing and build up. It happens (or doesn't) even then, from the first time. Mental issues? Yikes!

sp346, You make a good point. All of the posts do seem to point toward a medical issue versus anxiety.

Thanks all!

Well Valove your BF not being honest with you. I am a guy almost 50 and I very rarely ever get up to pee in the middle of the night. I do not believe to just having a smoke wake up to smoke normally you do that after get up in the morning not during the night when you been sleeping. Being only 37 peeing twice there is some issue there. All I can say you seem you really care for him that you will go to the doctor with him show support. You ask some question this is only way you going to find out stuff of your future husband.i mean all men have feeling and sensitive of there bodies from baldness to not peeing right or there penis doesn't get hard that's life you deal with them and get it fixed. Just like your car it doesn't run correctly you take it to a auto mechanic to fix the problem.I can understand it's not easy to get bad news and you don't want others knowing you have a problem. Well you live with him you are not just someone like a stranger but his future wife who he sleeps with him every night in the bed. You should know what is going on with his health he's wants to be your husband that gives you some right about his health concerns as well.I mean make that appointment for him tell you going to see the doctor. You are concern about his health take off work that day and just do it. Waiting will not fix the problem it's just makes it worse down the road. Good luck i hope you can resolve this with your BF.

[valove]

Motorguy, I totally agree with what you said. Interestingly, the same day I posted this he complained that evening of one of his balls being swollen and hurting. He had me look, and it really was. He said he was concerned, and he was going to make an appointment and for me to come with him. He said he thinks he's had an issue for awhile but since he hasn't been in a relationship just didn't realize how bad it was. That's good news about him wanting to figure it out. Bad news is that he does seem to be watching porn. I saw on his computer that twice last week he watched it a couple times. Maybe he watches because he knows he has issues? Or maybe just in the habit since he has been single. I know I'm making excuses. Anyway, sounds like I may be getting to the bottom of things. Thanks again!

[valove]

One more thing to add to last post. Last night we made out, and he was definitely excited. He never did get fully hard but came from oral. So, I do think there is some truth to the medical issue.

[Motorguy]

Motorguy, I totally agree with what you said. Interestingly, the same day I posted this he complained that evening of one of his balls being swollen and hurting. He had me look, and it really was. He said he was concerned, and he was going to make an appointment and for me to come with him. He said he thinks he's had an issue for awhile but since he hasn't been in a relationship just didn't realize how bad it was. That's good news about him wanting to figure it out. Bad news is that he does seem to be watching porn. I saw on his computer that twice last week he watched it a couple times. Maybe he watches because he knows he has issues? Or maybe just in the habit since he has been single. I know I'm making excuses. Anyway, sounds like I may be getting to the bottom of things. Thanks again!

Well Valove that's the first step for him to admit he does have a problem. I like that he had you look at his testicle and wants you to go to the doctor with him to figure out if he's has some kind of medically issue. Well the porn you can ask him later maybe work it in the conversation as to let you watch it with him while you both in bed maybe enjoy each other while the porn is running kind of adds a good mood to the bedroom. So then it will help with boy friend not trying to hide his porn watching from you. It sounds like he's wanting to get more physicals in the bedroom with you so that's a good sign.You seem that you are getting down to the root of the problem now. Was my pleasure to try and help your so welcome.

[Motorguy]

One more thing to add to last post. Last night we made out, and he was definitely excited. He never did get fully hard but came from oral. So, I do think there is some truth to the medical issue.

I think so as well one other thing the doctor may tell him smoking a pack a day can effect your erection. When you smoke it constructs the blood vessel in your body so it can effect erection problems if he having other issue as well like with ED or a enlarge prostate as well. Good luck I sure hope you get answer soon and get back on a good and fun sexually fun as a couple.