[effy2014]

Trust me, communication is NOT an issue. We have no problem telling each other what we want or need. I pull no punches, if I'm not pleased, there's no question - he knows! Our sex life is very active and very fulfilling.

Yes, he knows it's a pet peeve. Normally my response to his question is, "Don't Ask Me That! If I didn't enjoy it, you'd know." He doesn't question that because he knows that's true. I don't feel the need to place a goal where sex is concerned, and he shouldn't either. Being pleased doesn't necessarily mean having an orgasm, but I think most guys feel differently. Again, I have no objections to orgasm , and I love the release , but I'm not going to have one every time. Just ain't gonna happen. The emphasis should be on mutual enjoyment.

Euphoric

I completely agree that the emphasis should be on mutual satisfaction. Because we orgasm nearly every time (and leave tangible evidence), it is sometimes hard not to hope for the same in our partner. Better that he care if you had one than not care about your satisfaction.

Given your "pull no punches" response, I'm a bit surprised that he asked twice. At least he will get a full critique if he screws up.

[Baboy]

So how satisfied are people here with their sex lives on a scale of 1-10? I would say I'm a 20, lol, but I'm serious! Is it normal to be that happy with sex?

I'll say I at a 9 out of 10. I would give it a 10, but, as with most things, including sex, there is always room for improvement. That's why my wife and I remain open to trying new things, different approaches, etc. Perhaps one should not get too complacent.

As said by Euphoric and effy, the emphasis should be on mutual enjoyment.

Is it normal to be that happy with sex?

Perhaps not. One does not have to do much reading on this forum to realize there are a lot of sexual mismatches and dissatisfaction out there. In the handful of relationships I have been in during my time (and it's only a handful, not the dozens some seem to go through) I have experienced a range of sexual compatibility and contentment. Mostly good. One not good at all, even though the other aspects of the relationship were entirely satisfactory. What I have now is decidedly the best and I'll fight to keep it!

[Motorguy]

For me and wife I would for sure say with both 10/10 we always both satisfied after we are done. Like the breathing hard after we are done of a serous love making work out.

[Euphoric]

LOL, Effy, I wouldn't call it a full critique. I don't want to feel pressured to achieve one every time because then to goal becomes multiples.

As far as frustration goes, let me put it like this. If I've told him I really need to get my rocks off, then he's going to know when it happens because of the sheer intensity associated. If he finishes before I get there, instead of lying there in a state of bliss and saying, "sorry babe but I got too into it," there are additional techniques, body parts, and modalities to get the job done. A ten minute round of hard thrusting then saying I'm too tired is a bit annoying.

I see your point with tangible evidence. I assumed audible signs, moans and gasps, were sufficient. I may need to rethink that a bit, but after twenty years of marriage, he should know me well

[Claret]

I would say, like much else in this world, that there is a natural ebb and flow to physicality, emotionality and mentality. Some days are better than others. Apart from the sex I see the relationship as a whole and how it figures into the physical aspects of a relationship. If I'm angry or mad, the sex could be either ho-hum or very intense. It's the same if I'm happy, feeling fulfilled, feeling wanted and valued then the sex would probably be much higher on the scale. I, for one, am not able to disambiguate the two aspects. To me it all works together as part of the whole.

A better question might be; how happy are you with your life and your partner?

[jen1447]

I think I'm seeing an emerging trend here, a difference in the nature of sexual satisfaction between married couples or people in serious relationships and the rest. effy's been pointing out the importance of monogamy and faithfulness for sexual fulfillment, which illustrates the point, because I don't entirely agree across the board. I do understand the principal in individual cases but again it doesn't seem universal, especially for singles or people in casual relationships (like me). (I'd also go so far as to say it's not even universal for married people because there are quite a few with looser boundaries, and who's to say they're not happy with those arrangements? - but that's probably for another thread.) More to the point, it seems like serious/married people are more likely to need mutual satisfaction/fulfillment of their partner in the big picture (even non-sexual) in order to have great sex, while singles and 'openers' don't so much.

[effy2014]

I never meant to imply that those in casual relationships cannot have a fulfilling sex life. I am somewhat envious of people can have multiple sex partners without establishing emotional connections with them all. As my favorite philosopher Popeye the Sailor Man states "I am who I am". I need an emotional connection to have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Maybe it is the reverse that I do not understand. Those that marry (or have LTRs) with a strong emotional connection to their partners do not need outsiders to have a fulfilling sex life. I will leave open the possibility that some women (Jen and MG's wife come to mind) need the companionship of both sexes to be complete. But how does adding another man . . . a stranger, a friend or a man of a different color . . . lead to fulfillment? That is the mystery to me.

Sexual fulfillment is as much emotional as it is physical. I agree with BB. If my SO came to me and said she needed to add a man with a bigger ******** , I would kiss her on the forehead and send her on her way alone. Just as she would probably leave me if I seriously suggested I wanted to watch her be ********** by that guy. Marriage or LTRs scream for monogamy.

Perhaps under SP's contract theory, emotional commitments are unnecessary and both parties are free to find sexual enjoyment outside the relationship.

[jen1447]

Those that marry (or have LTRs) with a strong emotional connection to their partners do not need outsiders to have a fulfilling sex life.

This is the only bone of contention I have with your position on this - the absolute implication in the bold. Believe me, I'm very happy that you and no doubt many others have that and that it works for you, but from a strictly logical standpoint, the fact that you have a strong emotional connection with your partner and don't need outsiders to have a fulfilling sex life just means that it's possible, not universal. There may well be others who do have all that and still need others in the mix. (It's rare if my perception is at all accurate, but by no means non-existent.)

Part of the issue here I think is that we've been looking at this in the context of the fairly seedy-sounding cuckold fetish fishing posts we've seen lately (which I think are mainly hoping to get "Hot MILF wants sex with BBC!" type responses), but there actually are real people on the other side of this who live that way - swingers, open marriage couples, even FLR types that are similar to or actually are the cuckold scenario. I know the temptation is to look down on them, but I don't think it's legit to say they're automatically wrong, immoral, or that they're missing out on big picture fulfillment in the way you get it.

[effy2014]

You are correct, as usual. I was giving my opinion based upon my experiences, which is all I have to go on. I did not mean to suggest a moral judgment, but I suppose the absolute implies it. Since I can no longer edit my post, it probably should have read "I do not understand why those that marry (or have LTRs) with a strong emotional connection need outsiders to have a fulfilling sex life." If you or others have a clue, enlighten me.

I will admit to a narrow view of the sexual world in the context of a committed relationship. I think I can understand a bisexual's need for male and female companionship within a marriage. I can understand the need to find another sexual partner when the marriage is falling apart since the connection has clearly been broken and one or both are looking to fill the void. It's the happily married and connected heterosexual couple I cannot wrap my brain around.

Maybe sex to them is a commodity rather than part of the intimacy of marriage. Maybe its the need for variety or the vanity of being wanted by a gaggle of others. I just don't know.

[jen1447]

I always admire your ability to reflect and adjust your opinions.

If you or others have a clue, enlighten me.

Possibilities include sexual boredom, fetishes (which are often irrational and not subject to traditional self control), a conditioned sense of continual sexual experimentation, etc. It could also be that they don't so much need it as want it, because they're thrill-seekers by nature. (For example, I'll never understand why somebody would want to jump out of an airplane, but they do anyway. They can live without it but they don't want to. It's a highly irrational thrill-seeking behavior imo.)