[hateboringsex]

Hi,

Just looking for a bit of help, ive been with my gf for about 5 years and we have always had sex quite regularly, so no problems with the amount, just the quality.

I always try and make it enjoyable for her, so try not to come to quick, but she just says she wants me to come quickly as thats what she likes. Now to me that sounds like she wants it over and done with, which i have told her, but she says thats not the reason.

Now i have made her come a few times, can probably count on one hand, she says she finds it difficult and that shes not even bothered about coming. I just get feeling she is just saying these things just for my benefit.

To be honest im just not enjoying it, yeah i get my rocks off, but its just boring, maybe it is for her too , i dunno.

When we are having sex she doesnt do anything, rarely goes on top as she feels self concious. even though i tell how good she looks. She certainly would ride me, which i would love, although i havnt asked, she just likes me to do all the work.

She is quite submissive i suppose and likes me to take control, which i do but i just dont get any feedback, sometimes the odd sound, but it doesnt sound enthusiastic.

She gives me amazing blowjobs, but on the other hand she doesnt like me returning the favour, it just makes her uncomfortable.

We have had an argument about it, as i just get frustrated with her lack of enthusiam, shes not very experienced and i think finds it hard to talk about. Maybe its my fault, maybe its me thats the problem, im starting to worry that we are not compatible, but i suppose thats something i shoudlnt have left until now to worry about.

I do love her, but this really bothers me.

Anyone got any similar experiences or just some advice on where to go from here?

[Magnetism]

Hmmm, she sounds kind of like me where I like to give and don't receive. Some people just prefer blow jobs over penetration or being eaten out. I also don't care about orgasms, and I like seeing the guy cum fast. You might want to approach the topic with no pressure. She might be more resistant, if she senses your frustration. I don't like it when people try to change my preferences, such as a man trying to convince me that "women don't get anything out of blowjobs." And how "penetration is better ." It just makes me more rebellious.

[effy2014]

One question. How old are the two of you?

First off, don't make the mistake of imposing on her, your beliefs as to her level of pleasure. She may genuinely prefer that you cum quickly . . . it may make her feel that she is so good that you cannot wait. You did the right thing in communicating with her, but I question the manner in which you have done so. Don't let your frustrations get in the way of a meaningful conversation. Be loving and respectful when you being up any sexual topic.

One way to approach her is exactly how you approached your post. It makes YOU uncomfortable to feel like you are always taking and not giving. Tell her that. It is not acceptable for her to say "don't worry I'm fine" because it is not fine with you. Just as she would hate it if you did not cum during sex, you have the same feelings that she might not be into it or into you. The two of you need to figure out either how you can please her without her feeling uncomfortable OR to deal with why she is uncomfortable with cunilingus. Frankly, I could not be happy in a relationship where my partner would not let me go down on her.

If you are into reading, or she is, Harville Hendrix (a noted relationship psychologist) has a book on Receiving Love. It is very important that both partners are able to receive love as well as to give love. She may be able to learn, through the case studies in the book, why it is crucial that she allow you to express your love for her.

[Motorguy]

Hi,

Just looking for a bit of help, ive been with my gf for about 5 years and we have always had sex quite regularly, so no problems with the amount, just the quality.

I always try and make it enjoyable for her, so try not to come to quick, but she just says she wants me to come quickly as thats what she likes. Now to me that sounds like she wants it over and done with, which i have told her, but she says thats not the reason.

Now i have made her come a few times, can probably count on one hand, she says she finds it difficult and that shes not even bothered about coming. I just get feeling she is just saying these things just for my benefit.

To be honest im just not enjoying it, yeah i get my rocks off, but its just boring, maybe it is for her too , i dunno.

When we are having sex she doesnt do anything, rarely goes on top as she feels self concious. even though i tell how good she looks. She certainly would ride me, which i would love, although i havnt asked, she just likes me to do all the work.

She is quite submissive i suppose and likes me to take control, which i do but i just dont get any feedback, sometimes the odd sound, but it doesnt sound enthusiastic.

She gives me amazing blowjobs, but on the other hand she doesnt like me returning the favour, it just makes her uncomfortable.

We have had an argument about it, as i just get frustrated with her lack of enthusiam, shes not very experienced and i think finds it hard to talk about. Maybe its my fault, maybe its me thats the problem, im starting to worry that we are not compatible, but i suppose thats something i shoudlnt have left until now to worry about.

I do love her, but this really bothers me.

Anyone got any similar experiences or just some advice on where to go from here?

Well had your girl friend had a bad experience with relationship before she meant you. My self I never found a women yet who didn't enjoy having oral perform on them. Maybe had a sit down and relax and ask some question to her make her feel comfortable that you like to give her more pleasure. See if she will open up to you. Loving someone is one thing showing it is another thing as well. My self i am leaning towards a very bad relationship with a former lover that has scar her that needs to heal.

[Snerg]

Hi,
I always try and make it enjoyable for her, so try not to come to quick, but she just says she wants me to come quickly as thats what she likes. Now to me that sounds like she wants it over and done with, which i have told her, but she says thats not the reason.

She might only be able to take sex for a little while. I dated a girl in college that would cum real fast (in roughly a minute) and wanted me to finish ASAP - she could only take about 5 minutes of sex at a time. Which was cool, casue we both liked the jack-hammering to get me to finish fast

Now i have made her come a few times, can probably count on one hand, she says she finds it difficult and that shes not even bothered about coming. I just get feeling she is just saying these things just for my benefit.

For some women, orgasms are very difficult, if not impossible. If she's not bothered, then neither should you. You need to have the mind set of "if she doesn't cum, at least we had fun and if she cums, VICTORY IS MINE!"

When we are having sex she doesnt do anything, rarely goes on top as she feels self concious. even though i tell how good she looks. She certainly would ride me, which i would love, although i havnt asked, she just likes me to do all the work.

She is quite submissive i suppose and likes me to take control, which i do but i just dont get any feedback, sometimes the odd sound, but it doesnt sound enthusiastic.

If she is truly submissive, she may want you to take what you want. Do as you please. Put her on top and have her ride you.
She may also be afraid/embarrassed to admin/tell you that she wants/needs you to be dominate and aggressive and to take what you want from her.

She gives me amazing blowjobs, but on the other hand she doesnt like me returning the favour, it just makes her uncomfortable.

Some women don't like how oral feels. Take advantage of the BJ's and let her shower you with affection.

We have had an argument about it, as i just get frustrated with her lack of enthusiam, shes not very experienced and i think finds it hard to talk about. Maybe its my fault, maybe its me thats the problem, im starting to worry that we are not compatible, but i suppose thats something i shoudlnt have left until now to worry about.

You need patience. Work with her to make her comfortable so that she is able to talk about sex issues. Also, keep in mind, if she's submissive, she may want/need/require your lead in opening up and being more sexual.

Communication is the key

[hateboringsex]

Thanks for all the replies.

She is 32 im 36.

I dont understand her saying that she doesnt care about having an orgasm, it just seems to go against everything i thought women wanted. I did bring it up with her regarding me feeling bad about me just shooting my lot and her not seemingly getting anything out of it, but she says it just doesnt bother her.

As i said i have made her come, but only with my fingers during sex, last time was a couple of years ago now, when i do the same thing now she tends to pull my hand away.

She is on birth control and doesnt get wet anymore because of this, so maybe that is a factor?

I would love her to ride me but i think she is just too embrassed by it.

[effy2014]

You need to learn more about women . . . and especially about your woman. Trust what she tells you and don't internalize (ie blame yourself) what you think is the problem. She stopped you from fingering her because she knew that making love had stopped and now it is all about her orgasms. Go back to enjoying the intimacy without any goal. Just enjoy her.

Most women do not have vaginal orgasms. Statistics go from 40-75%. Some type of clitoral stimulation is needed. Orgasms also originate in the brain. If she feels pressured to have one, it will never happen.

I would try to make her comfortable receiving oral. It is the easiest way to pleasure a woman. She may have had a bad experience, be concerned about her taste and scent or something else. Communicate with her. Tell her it is important for you to give as well. Learn technique. If you can overcome this barrier, you will never have to worry about her orgasming.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think she loves you for who you are and is content, with in, out, knowing you orgasmed and she's happy.

To me this means she is in a shell, you don't really state whether she's been this way the entire time, it seems to me she has been however, there was a lot more "sex" and now you are realising there is no intimacy.

It sounds like you are on a different plane than her at present and to open her up too sexuality is to open her up to sensuality, the smells, touches, loving her body, it doesn't sound like she does, perhaps she was bought up that sex is sex and done for kids, speaking of which do you have any?

And on that note is this a desire of hers? In and out can also spell babies.

[Motorguy]

Hi,

Just looking for a bit of help, ive been with my gf for about 5 years and we have always had sex quite regularly, so no problems with the amount, just the quality.

I always try and make it enjoyable for her, so try not to come to quick, but she just says she wants me to come quickly as thats what she likes. Now to me that sounds like she wants it over and done with, which i have told her, but she says thats not the reason.

Now i have made her come a few times, can probably count on one hand, she says she finds it difficult and that shes not even bothered about coming. I just get feeling she is just saying these things just for my benefit.

To be honest im just not enjoying it, yeah i get my rocks off, but its just boring, maybe it is for her too , i dunno.

When we are having sex she doesnt do anything, rarely goes on top as she feels self concious. even though i tell how good she looks. She certainly would ride me, which i would love, although i havnt asked, she just likes me to do all the work.

She is quite submissive i suppose and likes me to take control, which i do but i just dont get any feedback, sometimes the odd sound, but it doesnt sound enthusiastic.

She gives me amazing blowjobs, but on the other hand she doesnt like me returning the favour, it just makes her uncomfortable.

We have had an argument about it, as i just get frustrated with her lack of enthusiam, shes not very experienced and i think finds it hard to talk about. Maybe its my fault, maybe its me thats the problem, im starting to worry that we are not compatible, but i suppose thats something i shoudlnt have left until now to worry about.

I do love her, but this really bothers me.

Anyone got any similar experiences or just some advice on where to go from here?

Well only thing I can tell you is to tell her how you feel. That you want to do other stuff it's not a race to finish you would enjoy going on longer with the love making. The only way things will change is discuss it and just not just go with the flow what ever she wants that robbing you both of pleasure and enjoying each other more. With foreplay it's OK to have more then one orgasm so slow it down and enjoy each other longer and try other position as well.So Good luck and keep the bed rocking lol.

[Magnetism]

To the op-orgasms aren't the best part of sex for me. The best part of sex is enjoying the chemistry with someone that I'm really into, licking, kissing, caressing, and just having a good time. Cuddling/talking afterwards is also incredible. Nothing beats just being with someone you're really into. Orgasms last for a few seconds for me, and then it's like "now what?" I also lose interest in intimacy, after one orgasm is done. I'm not interested in forcing myself to have multiple orgasms either.