[Motorguy]

My boyfriend recently confessed to me that he has watched gay and transsexual porn and then showed me that he was wearing a pair of my panties. He has always been very open with his fetishes with me, including anal play (on him) and how he wants me to peg him.

I am very open sexually so I didn't think anything of it until the gay porn and panties thing. I asked if he was bisexual and he said no and that he doesn't look at guys and think 'hey, he'd be fun in bed' but I'm seriously questioning his sexuality.

How do I initiate and have a conversation with him about this without making him angry or defensive or hurting him? We have been in a very committed relationship for two years.

Worried Women I don't think you have to worry about your SO he has a slight kinky phase in his life and wearing panties. But this doesn't mean he is bi sexually or gay if he watches transsexual porn or gay porn he could be just curious is all. You said you are open minded maybe have a conversation with your SO about maybe telling him you can watch the porn with him go buy some women panties for him if that's his kink. But myself I don't think you have anything to really worry about.

[Worried Woman]

We talked about my concerns and everything is now fine. We even watched tranny porn together. I think everything is going to be great Thank you all for your advice!

[Calliekita]

I wanted to give you a different perspective... I agree with the person who said, "you can't determine that he is bisexual unless he identifies as such." This is absolutely true... it's not as if there is some medical test to diagnose your sexuality. If a person thinks he/she is gay/bi then they are.

But I think it's good for you to be on the watch for such things, and also to have very open communication with your SO. Yes, it's possible he is just experimenting and being a little kinky, and so long as you are cool with it, that's totally okay. My husband gave me 1000 clues about his own preferences for the last 15 years, and I found out in May that he is bisexual and has been cheating on me (with men) and lying to me for years. Yes, it was exceedingly painful, but ironically, this disclosure has lead to a much better marriage.

He insists that he is bi and not gay, even though he only hooks up with men. He said he felt like hooking up with women or having any type of emotional connection with them would be cheating. Of course, all of it is. But we still have a good sex life and we now have an open marriage. In fact, we are experimenting with all kinds of things... 3somes, lovers, etc. We did a 3some 2 weeks ago, and now I am seeing the guy from that 3some on the side, with my husband's permission and approval. I never thought I would be in a marriage like this, and that's not to say there aren't some bumps along the way. But it's kind of cool and adds spice to our marriage after 22 years.

Anyway, my point is that you should have very open communication with your SO. You don't want to be surprised like I was, and feel blindsided. You should also need to know whether this is something you could live with or accept if he might be going down a different path. I made the choice to stay in my marriage and change our own rules, but that might not be something you are comfortable doing. Good luck!

[Jones 225]

Just want to add that he may have been watching a lot of porn and had been looking for more and more novel images after he had become desensitised to past genres. It has happened to me a few times where I have found myself looking at tranny and gay porn and becoming incredibly turned on even though in the real world the idea of a guy does nothing for me. It is bizarre how the male mind works. None of this means he is gay or bi or anything.
Anyway, sounds like you both have it sorted so good on you.