I first have to say, just because it's been "going on for a month" doesn't mean you should be having thoughts of cheating. I'm a 23 yowf who has been with her boyfriend for 2 years. We're probably going to be getting engaged in the next 5-6 months before I graduate college as an RN.
He and I have this EXACT SAME PROBLEM. What I can tell you from experience, is the more patient you are with conversation, the more understanding she's going to be. If you EVER ensinuate (sp?) that she OWES you sex, or HAS to give it to you, it will totally send up a wall for her (at least it does for me). I unfortunately have a REALLY (un-naturally) low sex drive and I've learned from many mentors and friends that guys are made differently. It's not their (men's) fault, it's just the way God made them. My boyfriend explained it to me like this:
"you know how you love it when you come home from work and I kiss you on your forehead and cheek and sit down with you to talk about how your day was, then I offer to cook dinner because i know you're tired... well those 'sweet-cute-things' that guys do for women is the equivilant of what sex does for me. We need physical just like you need emotional."
It really put it in perspective for me! We've also been reading an EXCELLENT book called "LOVE and RESPECT" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He's a pastor but he has an incredibly down to earth, understanding approach that is really easy for both men and women to relate to.
One thing my mother has tried in their marriage: her gyno wrote her a Rx for a testosterone cream that she applies to her clitoris about 30 minutes prior to when they plan to have sex. She's let me try it and it actually works well! But there are several other options for women with low sex drives, she would need to ask her gyno.
If worse comes to worse, you guys might look into seeing a sex therapist!
But the stress and tired thing... really, you shouldn't get defensive right away and say that it's BS because it really may be stress or tired! My bf asks to have sex OFTEN and honestly, especially with me being in school and working, I really am stressed or tired! But I do know that if not now, one day when we're married, I won't "owe" him sex, but I do want my husband to be pleased and I plan to give it to him AT LEAST once a week, if not twice (Because statistically that's average). I don't want his eyes to start wondering, and even if I'm not in the mood, I plan to try EVERYTHING from creams, to pills, to just trying to enjoy it because I know he needs sex to feel love/close to me, just like I need "sweet-nothings" to feel love/close to him.
And my bf has the SAME argument for me... even when I'm not in the mood and I end up giving in... I end up enjoying it. When you said "she acts like she doesn't remember how much she liked it" I just laughed out loud, because I'm the same way! I DID LOVE it the time before, but my appetite was filled so full that time that I'm still held over! haha. But anyway, patience and compromise are the most important things in marriage (you, of anyone probably know that). So, it's an issue of if you're both willing to CARE ENOUGH to work on the problem.
When you guys next sit down and talk about this (and I don't mean after she's rejected you, I mean set a day aside that sex isn't anywhere close to happening), come to an agreement with her on how much sex you both feel is negotiable. And when it comes down to it, you may need to plan those days in advance. My parents choose every Friday, that way when that day comes: "tired" and "stress" isn't an option, because you guys have agreed upon it. Or, if you guys want more lee-way, you can set a twice-a-week quota, and then she can choose which days to initiate it... if she gets them done in the beginning of the week, good for her, she has the rest off. If it comes down to Friday and you guys still haven't had your two times, then she knows it's her part of the bargain to figure out two times to do it before the end of that week comes!
My last suggestion, do like the show "Hogan Knows Best" and each of you gets a "wish" day once a week. She gets 3 wishes on her day and you get 3 wishes on your day. Any wish goes (within limits, obviously). But, on her day she can have you walk the dog, cook supper, or WHATEVER she wants... the same for you! But I do suggest not to ask for sex 3 times with your 3 wishes, because it will probably just put a bad taste in her mouth.
That's all I've got... keep me updated!
He and I have this EXACT SAME PROBLEM. What I can tell you from experience, is the more patient you are with conversation, the more understanding she's going to be. If you EVER ensinuate (sp?) that she OWES you sex, or HAS to give it to you, it will totally send up a wall for her (at least it does for me). I unfortunately have a REALLY (un-naturally) low sex drive and I've learned from many mentors and friends that guys are made differently. It's not their (men's) fault, it's just the way God made them. My boyfriend explained it to me like this:
"you know how you love it when you come home from work and I kiss you on your forehead and cheek and sit down with you to talk about how your day was, then I offer to cook dinner because i know you're tired... well those 'sweet-cute-things' that guys do for women is the equivilant of what sex does for me. We need physical just like you need emotional."
It really put it in perspective for me! We've also been reading an EXCELLENT book called "LOVE and RESPECT" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He's a pastor but he has an incredibly down to earth, understanding approach that is really easy for both men and women to relate to.
One thing my mother has tried in their marriage: her gyno wrote her a Rx for a testosterone cream that she applies to her clitoris about 30 minutes prior to when they plan to have sex. She's let me try it and it actually works well! But there are several other options for women with low sex drives, she would need to ask her gyno.
If worse comes to worse, you guys might look into seeing a sex therapist!
But the stress and tired thing... really, you shouldn't get defensive right away and say that it's BS because it really may be stress or tired! My bf asks to have sex OFTEN and honestly, especially with me being in school and working, I really am stressed or tired! But I do know that if not now, one day when we're married, I won't "owe" him sex, but I do want my husband to be pleased and I plan to give it to him AT LEAST once a week, if not twice (Because statistically that's average). I don't want his eyes to start wondering, and even if I'm not in the mood, I plan to try EVERYTHING from creams, to pills, to just trying to enjoy it because I know he needs sex to feel love/close to me, just like I need "sweet-nothings" to feel love/close to him.
And my bf has the SAME argument for me... even when I'm not in the mood and I end up giving in... I end up enjoying it. When you said "she acts like she doesn't remember how much she liked it" I just laughed out loud, because I'm the same way! I DID LOVE it the time before, but my appetite was filled so full that time that I'm still held over! haha. But anyway, patience and compromise are the most important things in marriage (you, of anyone probably know that). So, it's an issue of if you're both willing to CARE ENOUGH to work on the problem.
When you guys next sit down and talk about this (and I don't mean after she's rejected you, I mean set a day aside that sex isn't anywhere close to happening), come to an agreement with her on how much sex you both feel is negotiable. And when it comes down to it, you may need to plan those days in advance. My parents choose every Friday, that way when that day comes: "tired" and "stress" isn't an option, because you guys have agreed upon it. Or, if you guys want more lee-way, you can set a twice-a-week quota, and then she can choose which days to initiate it... if she gets them done in the beginning of the week, good for her, she has the rest off. If it comes down to Friday and you guys still haven't had your two times, then she knows it's her part of the bargain to figure out two times to do it before the end of that week comes!
My last suggestion, do like the show "Hogan Knows Best" and each of you gets a "wish" day once a week. She gets 3 wishes on her day and you get 3 wishes on your day. Any wish goes (within limits, obviously). But, on her day she can have you walk the dog, cook supper, or WHATEVER she wants... the same for you! But I do suggest not to ask for sex 3 times with your 3 wishes, because it will probably just put a bad taste in her mouth.
That's all I've got... keep me updated!
I wanted it all the time! Couldn't keep my hands off her. The fish oil is taken as a pill/capsule. There is fish oil in a liquid form but that might be hard to slip into his diet. Feed him fish for every meal might work!
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