[Guest]

All I am trying to say is, if nobody is getting hurt, then I have no problems

there's a more widespread & troublesome issue that i haven't seen mentioned. there's a difference between s&m & degredation. it may seem subtle, and for some - depending on the degree to which you're into s&m - the 2 worlds might bleed into one another at times.

degrading, humiliating, devaluing sex is an ever-present theme in today's mainstream porn. young porn stars participate in it because they won't get business if they aren't willing to do extreme, rough sex. a decade ago, a porn star was picky if she exercised her right not to do anal sex.

today's porn consumer is numb to anal sex. anal sex is the new missionary position in the porn market.

so you'll find anal sex paired with hair pulling, guys stepping on the girl's head while making her repeat phrases like, "i'm a dirty little *****" and, "i'm a filthy piece of sh*t."

then the a*s to mouth concept - have you wondered why that took hold? what is it that is particularly sexual - what is enticing for a man - to know that she's performing oral immediately after he's done anal to her?

in other words, why would the market pay such special attention to promoting that it's not just a blowjob after anal sex - but that it's a blowjob straight after anal sex - that is, no washing?

why is that important? because it's degrading. not anal sex and blowjobs - but to pull out of an area that is notoriously full of bacteria & go right into a girl's mouth is to disregard any consideration for her health. it's disrespectful - on purpose.

i could go on here, but my point is that this type of sex - the type that willfully degrades & devalues girls - is gaining rapid popularity.

and this type of sex is damaging the guys who watch it. it doesn't matter if it's fantasy. it doesn't matter if the actress partipates consentually.

a guy derrives sexual pleasure watching a girl devalued, humiliated, and treated with utter disregard.

then, in his hightened state of arousal, comes to his wife for release.

release of what? overwhelming desire for her?

or tension that has resulted from watching girls being degraded (ie, doing things his wife would not do)?

and let me suggest that - if the latter is the case (& i think we all know it is), he's using his wife as nothing more than a masturbatory tool to relieve sexual tensions that she is not evoking.

if that's not damaging to a marriage, i can't imagine what is.

[ChelseaRenee]

there's a more widespread & troublesome issue that i haven't seen mentioned. there's a difference between s&m & degredation. it may seem subtle, and for some - depending on the degree to which you're into s&m - the 2 worlds might bleed into one another at times.

degrading, humiliating, devaluing sex is an ever-present theme in today's mainstream porn. young porn stars participate in it because they won't get business if they aren't willing to do extreme, rough sex. a decade ago, a porn star was picky if she exercised her right not to do anal sex.

today's porn consumer is numb to anal sex. anal sex is the new missionary position in the porn market.

so you'll find anal sex paired with hair pulling, guys stepping on the girl's head while making her repeat phrases like, "i'm a dirty little *****" and, "i'm a filthy piece of sh*t."

then the a*s to mouth concept - have you wondered why that took hold? what is it that is particularly sexual - what is enticing for a man - to know that she's performing oral immediately after he's done anal to her?

in other words, why would the market pay such special attention to promoting that it's not just a blowjob after anal sex - but that it's a blowjob straight after anal sex - that is, no washing?

why is that important? because it's degrading. not anal sex and blowjobs - but to pull out of an area that is notoriously full of bacteria & go right into a girl's mouth is to disregard any consideration for her health. it's disrespectful - on purpose.

i could go on here, but my point is that this type of sex - the type that willfully degrades & devalues girls - is gaining rapid popularity.

and this type of sex is damaging the guys who watch it. it doesn't matter if it's fantasy. it doesn't matter if the actress partipates consentually.

a guy derrives sexual pleasure watching a girl devalued, humiliated, and treated with utter disregard.

then, in his hightened state of arousal, comes to his wife for release.

release of what? overwhelming desire for her?

or tension that has resulted from watching girls being degraded (ie, doing things his wife would not do)?

and let me suggest that - if the latter is the case (& i think we all know it is), he's using his wife as nothing more than a masturbatory tool to relieve sexual tensions that she is not evoking.

if that's not damaging to a marriage, i can't imagine what is.

You said it better than I ever could. There IS a line between s&m and completely devaluing, degrading "sex" acts. I can say with a clear conscience that if I found out my boyfriend got his rocks off on watching women being hurt and "forced" to do disgusting things, whether she's a willing participant in acting it out or not, I would leave him in an instant. Anyone with that unhealthy of a view of sex and women doesn't need to be with one at all, I don't care if it is just a fantasy.

Also, I don't see why people make such a huge deal about the fact that it's "just a fantasy". If you're j**king off to a woman crying and getting gang banged by 4 huge guys, that's not okay in my book, whether or NOT it stays contained to a monitor, your TV, or your head. It's obviously something you find sexy and alluring, whether or not you ever actually act it out shouldn't matter. Wrong is wrong.

[rcoreyus]

Problem is that some people enjoy being degraded. One of the classic male S/M fantasies is of a dominatrix who degrades them, tells them they are a miserable worm. I assume there are women who like being degraded as well.

Since I don't like either degrading or being degraded, I don't really understand this, but as long as it is consentual, I'm not going to object.

Sexuality is very complicated. It is not clear why people enjoy anything other than sex for procreation - so it is hard to be surprised by any of the variants.

[Guest]

you're exactly right - but most of the variations do have explanations that make pretty good sense. people use sex & the chemicals it releases into the brain the same way they use anything else that seems to address a psychological need.

and i know what you're saying about the s/m degradation - i do know what you mean & i guess i'm not able to really word this adequately, but i still think there's a difference. even the name calling - in the context of some s/m fantasy, maybe it's OK for both.

but what i notice as a prominant theme in mainstream porn - not s&m porn, i mean the dvd's you rent at the neighborhood video store - is cruelty. not cruelty expressed in the interest of sexuality, even the hardest s/m fantasy sex - but cruelty for the sake of expressing power. again, not s/m fantasy power. lots of women are excited about being dominated by their partner - men too. power to use another human being for sexual pleasure at the expense of taht person's wellbeing & health.