[anonymouswhitefemale]

You're right, it all depends on what he's looking for.

I have just always had this thing about being able to be who and what you are and not have to conform to a particular style/way to get what you want/need out of life.

I don't think that this person is in a state where they could find the relationship that you seem to think he wants... He simply needs to do some growing as a person first. Think of it as a male right of passage - he doesn't have the confidence to be desirable, or to take what he wants at the moment. That has to change. If he enters a relationship as he is now, he'll probably be under a tyranical mothering thumb for the next 5 years.

[Fallen1]

I don't think that this person is in a state where they could find the relationship that you seem to think he wants...

I don't think I ever claimed to know what it is he wanted. I said - "You're right, it all depends on what he's looking for."

I just gave him the best advice I knew to give which is to be himself. If he starts out by putting on a front to gain confidence what happens when he gets tired of being something he's not and decides to be himself ..... he's back to having no confidence again. I just think it's a better idea to start out building confidence in himself not in some character he pretends to be.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

His process of... exagurating certain desirable traits will lead him to a wealth of personal experiences, which will build up his confidence greatly - he will learn not to be hurt when rejected, he'll learn how to handle women, and many other things. Then, if he decides to go back to being meek and completely un-self-assured, then he still can, just with a greater baseline of understanding. I've got to be honest though, once you start going that route, you fall into it - it's basically what men were supposed to be before they got crippled into submission by their childhoods.

And it's not really about being someone else, it's about understanding what's going on around you. When you're acting really nice to a girl because you fancy her, and as such, want to mate with her - she likely won't have any respect for you. You're acting really nice because logic tells you that that's what you should be doing. It's not necessarily that you're a nice person, it's that you're doing the only thing you can think of, the only logical path to sex you can determine - but essentially, that presumption is wrong on the basis that women don't want you to be nice. So it's not about altering your character, it's about how to use your character to achieve what you want.


And all confidence is cumulative - not to mention that a male's self-confidence stems greatly from his sex life (or lack thereof) which is in contrast to women. Once he's had sex once, he'll be greatly more confident, and so on and so on. If he decides to talk nicely to a girl, he doesn't suddently regress to pre-sexual nervous dysfunction again.

[Fallen1]

I think I understand what you are trying to say ... just not sure I totally agree.

As a side note I will add that not all women go for the guy that acts like an a*s. I myself don't like guys who act like they are "God's gift to women" - that is a big turn off to me.

[Guest]

he'll learn how to handle women

yes. incorrectly.

you're assuming that because he's nervous he's a "wimpy virgin."

the confidence you're talking about doesn't have a lot to do with the alpha male syndrome. if by alpha male you mean "jacka*s", then you're right - he should screw girls until he isn't nervous anymore & has lost all respect for them. then he can be a jacka*s & enjoy all the benefits of mistreating people.

or do you mean the kind of confidence that women typically cite as appealing - the ability to look her in the eye, tell her you're going out with the guys & she can't come, let her pout when she's wrong without crawling back with your tail tucked.

you don't get any of that from careless sex.

in fact, there are a lot of indications that a guy who churns up a lot of meaningless sexual encounters in actually very insecure. and insecurity seems to smell worse to women than inexperience with acting like a jacka*s.

i'm not much concerned with causing any reevaluations in you, anon. i know where you stand. i'm just hoping this guy will stand elsewhere.

but i do love you. and i know what you mean.

[Guest]

He simply needs to do some growing as a person first.

don't you mean, growing as a fake-alphamale-person-he-thinks-women-will-find-attractive first?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

yes. incorrectly.

you're assuming that because he's nervous he's a "wimpy virgin."

the confidence you're talking about doesn't have a lot to do with the alpha male syndrome. if by alpha male you mean "jacka*s", then you're right - he should screw girls until he isn't nervous anymore & has lost all respect for them. then he can be a jacka*s & enjoy all the benefits of mistreating people.

He is nervous because he's a wimpy virgin: he's said he's nervous, and that he's a virgin... hence...

The confidence I'm talking about IS about alpha male status, or at least minimising beta male status. It's a FACT that women find the alpha male a more suitable partner, and understandably so. By alpha male I don't mean jackass, although I admit by your standards anyone who cant control their glances at women to be a jackass - so possibly so. Whatever happened to one not conforming to what society expects (trying NOT to be a jackass). And the fact that you are forward about wanting sex with someone, and acting accordingly to get it, does NOT make you a jackass, or mean that you're mistreating people. It simply means your someone with the power to get what you want to be done, done.

And having the power to follow through on your desire to sleep with someone also doesn't mean that you disrespect women - what sort of moral **** is that? Personally I don't think we can meet on this matter, and even a lot of the women on these boards seem to think that you're idea of an ideal relationship is unrealistic and unreasonably moralistic.

in fact, there are a lot of indications that a guy who churns up a lot of meaningless sexual encounters in actually very insecure. and insecurity seems to smell worse to women than inexperience with acting like a jacka*s.

I'd say the person who hasn't had encounters with women is the insecure one.

i'm not much concerned with causing any reevaluations in you, anon. i know where you stand. i'm just hoping this guy will stand elsewhere.

but i do love you. and i know what you mean.

Fair enough - to me - and I don't mean this offensively - but it often sounds like you're a priest or something trying to pass off a higher level of morality on people that they're willing to endure, in a patronising manner .

[Guest]

you can't offend me anon. i look like a priest because i had the nerve to say something was immoral. that phenomenon is old.

almost as old as the idea that tells us it's OK to use sex with girls as a means of obtaining confidence - or anything, for that matter.

if it works so well - and can we agree that casual sex is at an all-time high? - and it leads to men becoming all a woman could hope for...

why are so many relationships failing?

[C]

you can't offend me anon. i look like a priest because i had the nerve to say something was immoral. that phenomenon is old.

almost as old as the idea that tells us it's OK to use sex with girls as a means of obtaining confidence - or anything, for that matter.

if it works so well - and can we agree that casual sex is at an all-time high? - and it leads to men becoming all a woman could hope for...

why are so many relationships failing?

I agree....Before I met my husband I dated many men...University Football Players among them. Brash and thinking you were going to drop at their feet. One guy threatened to throw me off a cliff unless I would let him do me. I stood my ground even after he told me he did not believe in God and this would not bother him. Obviously I lived.

When I met my husband he was the neatest guy I ever met. He was like me and down to earth plus cute as could be. Half drunk at the time but truthfully for me this is the type of man I was looking for. (not drunk) There are fakes and there are fakes. They are a dime a dozen but a good man is hard to find and women love them....F**k buddies are just that.....But so are dogs....Only they bark....

[mulletman]

Wow, this threads taken off, thx for all the advice gals and guyz