[josephblahblah]

Hi Ladies, I hope you dont mind a male coming into your forum but I need some advise. I hope you can help me.
My girlfriend has always been very difficult to turn on. She never seemed that interested in sex, however we have always seemed do manage it about twice a month. And it is normally very nice. Once I get her in the mood, she really gets into the mood and we both know exactly what to do.
A few months ago, it became really difficult to get her excited.
But nnow its impossible. She just does not want to have sex anymore. Its been about 3months. + a few months of sex on very rare occasions.
It does not matter what I do, I have tried Romantic dinners, baths, hotels, massages, everything. Everthing I do, she finds really nice, she is really grateful but not interested in sex.

She does accept the problem, but does not know whats wrong and does not know what to do.
If say I was giving her a massage, my hand may drift towards a more delicate area and she would quickly move away or close up, even if she was totaly relaxed before.
If I try to give her nice kisses and develope from there, she would stop and talk about somehting else thats on her mind.
It may be that she is just stressed out as she does have a fair bit on her mind at the moment.

If any of you ladies know of anything I can do to improve things, please fill me in.
Thanks,

[Schnazzy]

g'day

i read your post with interest, thank you for sharing, i am sure you are not alone with this. the reasons for her lack of interest can be numerous, sounds to me as if you are a very caring chap who has a go at working out a solution, thumbs up!

since i am not sure what age group your girlfriend falls in it is difficult to even begin to think about possible reasons for her lack of interest.
hormones are often the culprit (fickle things they are....), stress, emotional trauma being relived, nutrition or lack of ( and i don't mean lack of food), undiagnosed physical or mental health problems etc.

would your girlfriend consider visiting a GP to rule out any physical underlying problems? you mention that she is aware of the situation, so that is a start anyway.

i have been in your shoes, where my ex didn't want sex for 5 years... it was tough, but because he was still affectionate it was bearable.
he didn't acknowledge that there was an issue though, so you are one step ahead

all the best mate

[Celeste]

It sounds like, possibly, an emotional issue. I don't know though. If she has had any kind of misuse in the past, ie rape, molestation, or anything like that, she can be turned off by sex instead of turned on by it. I just don't know though, since I don't know her. I would also suggest her going to talk to a gyno doctor. They have all kinds of things they can do for things like this. Ther are mild theraputic ways, medication ways, and more. Ask her to give it a try, not just for your relationship, but for her health! Good luck!

[C]

Two people can love each other with all their heart and soul yet they have a difference.....They can doctor and take medication and many marriages end because of this difference that they were born with......Libido..

How often people say well I thought she would change after we were married or he is not what I thought he would be.....I guess pre-marital sex is a good thing....

[josephblahblah]

Thanks for the advise so far,
She is in her mid 30s, she has had no past abuse and the relationship is not in danger. Its just frustrating.
Its not easy to suggest professional advise. Remember, she has no interest in sex. So she does not see it as being a big issue. Certainly not major enough for a doctor.

If I suggest Professional help, she will feel like I am putting her under pressure. Pressure will not help.
By making her feel like it is an issue will put her under even more pressure, which could be very hurtful and damaging.

I'm stuck, Should I Leave her alone completely for a while, with no talk of sex or any advances. Let her get over ot herself.

Should I keep trying new things untill something takes, Then may be changed forever.

Or do any of you ladies have any brilliant ideas that may solve the problem.

Its Valentines day, I want to take her to heaven tonight.

[Rose5]

Joseph, I like to hear different opinions so you are very welcome here.
Three months is a really long time to go without sex. If this is ok with you then it's not a big issue but I assume it is not the way you want it to be. If she doesn't see it as a problem she might be in denial of the problem. I went through a dry spell with my husband and it was because of our relationship but even during the worst times we had sex at least once a month. If my husband would have done half of what you describe then we would have had sex a lot more often but that's another issue.
Is she on any medication? You said that when she was receptive she only wanted sex twice a month. I found that the longer I went without sex the less I longed for it, which is the opposite for men. I think a woman needs more than twice a month to keep her juices flowing. How can you change this? Would she be open to building anticipation? Call her at work and make suggestive comments. When you wake up in the morning tell her what you'd like to do with her when you get back home. I just called my husband and told him I had his valentine's day present ready and I told him I hadn't bought him anything. If you think she would go for this sort of thing try it.

[Schnazzy]

yes, Valentines Day... Heaven... i guess you and your girlfriend may have different ideas of heaven, so perhaps just keep it romantic without sex, that can be heavenly too

[rcoreyus]

She may never change. Really think if you can live like that indefinately.

[C]

She may never change. Really think if you can live like that indefinately.

I hated to say this but that is what Libido is. Usually what you see is what you will get....This is why so many marriages fail or two people live divided sexually....It is not a pretty picture and very hard for the one who is sexual and desires to be fulfilled.....Just be prepared before you make this big step....She probably will never change....

[Celeste]

Thanks for the advise so far,
She is in her mid 30s, she has had no past abuse and the relationship is not in danger. Its just frustrating.
Its not easy to suggest professional advise. Remember, she has no interest in sex. So she does not see it as being a big issue. Certainly not major enough for a doctor.

If I suggest Professional help, she will feel like I am putting her under pressure. Pressure will not help.
By making her feel like it is an issue will put her under even more pressure, which could be very hurtful and damaging.

I'm stuck, Should I Leave her alone completely for a while, with no talk of sex or any advances. Let her get over ot herself.

Should I keep trying new things untill something takes, Then may be changed forever.

Or do any of you ladies have any brilliant ideas that may solve the problem.

Its Valentines day, I want to take her to heaven tonight.

There are many ways you can talk to her about how you feel on this subject without making it hurtful. You say you don't want to make it an issue, but it obviously is an issue with you, as it would be for most people, definatey with me. Things that two peple feel in an intimate relationship cannot go silent. I believe that sincere communication can save relationships in peril that would otherwise exit under more understanding. Talking to her about everything on your mind is my best advice.