[CHANDLERS WISH]

The biggest mistakes that men make?




Not knowing how to seduce a woman...

Not knowing how to flirt with a touch of sarcasm, to make her wonder...

Being to forward and direct with his own thoughts only in mind.....

Not knowing how a woman thinks from a physological point of view....

Not knowing how to compliment a women then walk away and talk to another, leaving her wondering.

Not knowing that a touch on the hand, or shoulder can turn her on ....

Not knowing a woman's sexuality and attempting to go straight to home base..

Talking about yourself too much, or past relationships when dating....

Not understanding body language and how to hold that conversation attentively

Not looking her in the eye and reading her thoughts or body language

Dressing down as you wish, as apposed to dressing to impress

Not buying that first drink and expecting dutch straight away

Being late without a text message followed by an apology

Not going for sense of humor to ease the initial meet and make her laugh

Not being confident

And, not reading the signs that she wants more and is ready and taking her like a man....Overpowering her in her body space showing confidence and power, weakening her next move....

[C]

No one's saying you did, nor that you should.

Actually I did and thinking back it scares the devil out of me...It is the woman who has the casual affair and one night stand's that to me, is showing no respect for herself...Men love it....Why not...Women open their legs to them...Hot....

Why do you think that women who want to express themselves and experiment sexually with different guys are selling their bodies? Maybe some women just want to enjoy and share themselves and experience as much fun in life as they can.

Selling their bodies was a poor choice of words...Giving is better..Express yourself...Experiment sexually...Have as much fun in life as you can......Oh, I understand...You mean F*ck Buddies....

And, certainly, isn't there a difference between maturity and age? I've met young women who were much more mature and responsible than older women twice or even three times their age.

Each person is different. I am finding that as a woman matures that she finds a part of herself that she never had before..Sexually she is now in a new scope in lust..An orgasm is magic and it is with these thoughts in mind that I write...I guess that I just consider myself too good to give it away.....

Take care, Caroline

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey ladies,

I was reading an article aimed at men improving their dating lives and the author said that practically every woman knows exactly what has to happen before they have sex with a man, whereas most men simply don't have a clue.

Do you think this is accurate? If so, what do you think has to happen? The author said that if you ask any woman, she'll be able to immediately and easily tell you.

And where do you find most guys make mistakes? I'd be curious about your stories where guys miss or how they usually mess it up.

I think Channel 1, you should have said the "dating process", not mating process and then of course you pertained it to animals, which we are
But there is a difference, between a woman dating and then wanting sex from the man she is dating and what is a good, or bad move, than a woman who wants just to be mated, don't you think?

I agree that most men don't have a clue and that women know what they want however, absolutely.

Now if you want to look at animals, truthfully, can't see any foreplay there, birds do it, just do it, so do rabbits, dogs just say that's it your mine, and cats, well haven't seen that actually, i just see them fight for territory. But then that's the animal in us, i think they call that horny!!!!!!!!

So, i'm happy to date, then mate, not mate then date, but then that's me.....

Gave you my thoughts on where they mess up.......

Interesting thread.

[Channel1]

Ah, a woman who, it would appear, gets it. Chandlers Wish, I assume that, from your 'biggest mistakes' list, you have a lot of experience with men.

Am I right?

I think Channel 1, you should have said the "dating process", not mating process and then of course you pertained it to animals, which we are

The way I see it, the 'dating process' is a 'civilized' way of undertaking the 'mating process'. But to be successful with the dating process, doesn't the mating process still have to play out naturally underneath it?

Otherwise, a woman's going to drop a man, and move on to the next one who gets it. Yes, no?

Of course, there are exceptions as I seemed to have observed in my own experience and by noticing and talking to other people's experience.

Doesn't a woman want a man who understands how she 'operates' sexually and also a man who has the potential for being a long-term partner?

Don't we have two primary drives: mating and survival?

So in youth, it seems like women go for guys who 'get' her sexuality. Their priority is mating. You know, the bad boys who seem to know exactly how to get women hot and excited?

But then as they age and start looking for security -- for long-term survival -- they tend to settle, if they can't find a guy who possess both qualities, for a guy who does not understand her sexuality, but is a nice, reliable partner for the long-term?

With the bad boys, they understand the mating process -- though perhaps unconsciously. But the nice partner -- or "nice guy", is a good prospect for a woman to put through HER dating process to ensure her survival.

And I know women have equal financial opportunities today and don't need men for survival in that sense, but perhaps, think of it as 'moral support' or companionship instead. A sort of 'social survival'.

Whereas, the rare guy who understands the natural working of both, mating and surviving, overlaps the dating and the mating process at the same time.

Are you with me here? You know that song by the band Heart, All I Want to Do is Make Love to You? The singer seems to spell this out loud and clear.

So I am pretty clear on the 'mating process' here.

That said, you mentioned all the mistakes guys make, which all seemed to be 'attitudinal errors'.

My question is: assuming a guy has the attitude in place (the opposite of the mistakes you mentioned), what kind of touchstones are crossed between eye contact and sex with such a man?

So much happens in between these two points, correct? Can -- or would you break it down from an experience with a guy who you just couldn't help but sleep with?

I found find such a perspective fascinating.

Now if you want to look at animals, truthfully, can't see any foreplay there

Interesting. Never considered that. But certainly, there still is some kind of dance or 'qualifying' or 'testing' mates involved with animals.

What do you think?

[Fallen1]

If I'm understanding this correctly ??? -

This makes it sound as though there is a check list to go down and once all the completed "tasks" are completed men can get us women into bed. I don't think there is a set of "guidelines" or "rules", all women are different and what works for one will not work on another.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ah, a woman who, it would appear, gets it. Chandlers Wish, I assume that, from your 'biggest mistakes' list, you have a lot of experience with men.

Am I right?


You know the old saying of "assuming" and what it can do I'm a wise soul and a woman who knows what she wants, hense what she looks for.. I also absorb over the years information and store it, from what i feel is pertinent to me ie) Body Language, and, i have been separated for 10 months, dated 6 or 7 and not one, was capable of at least half, of that list... Interesting... Yet one was capable of all. Now that he went through the art of seduction, physcological, feelings and knowledge of a woman, he is doing the "dance" i think, of the fishing line trick, again interesting.

The way I see it, the 'dating process' is a 'civilized' way of undertaking the 'mating process'. But to be successful with the dating process, doesn't the mating process still have to play out naturally underneath it?

Otherwise, a woman's going to drop a man, and move on to the next one who gets it. Yes, no?

Seduction through the "dating process', is certainly with the "mating process" in mind. Seduction is not all about touching, it is words of power that reel her in.. I think the fish have a lot to say here So, yes when using that terminology.

But he also has to get all the key incredients of the dating process correct. If he focuses on the mating process, or be it that that is all he has on his mind, then it will be evident and clear and she will move on anyway.

Of course, there are exceptions as I seemed to have observed in my own experience and by noticing and talking to other people's experience.

Doesn't a woman want a man who understands how she 'operates' sexually and also a man who has the potential for being a long-term partner?

In an ideal world that is all she seeks, but not just how she operates, but how she can connect totally with no inhibitions whilst she gives and takes within her sexuality, with the understanding of trust, and long term partnership.

Don't we have two primary drives: mating and survival?

If we go back to the animal thing, whilst there appears to be no foreplay, once mated, they do then stay with that partner and in the wild, they do bear litter and work towards the survival of that family.

With humans, we date, then mate, then fall deep and the survival is of the maintaining and nurturing, and keeping that "mate", so survival on it's strongest point is to ensure the partner stays as the love endured is deep. That would constitute a fear that would make a woman act on survival.


So in youth, it seems like women go for guys who 'get' her sexuality. Their priority is mating. You know, the bad boys who seem to know exactly how to get women hot and excited?

I am still in youth, if you call over 40 young but it is..... But if i go back to the beginning, pure lust, we want to love, but the initial reaction is lust and desire, we do not see the negatives until after we have dated, then mated, if we are lucky there weren't any and we continue to marriage and life long parternship. If we were blind, then we see as time goes on.

Even today, in dating and mating, regardless of age, we know we should look for the 'nice guys', but we still want a bit of "bad" there and 100% knowledge of sexuality.

But then as they age and start looking for security -- for long-term survival -- they tend to settle, if they can't find a guy who possess both qualities, for a guy who does not understand her sexuality, but is a nice, reliable partner for the long-term?

I am secure. I do not look for security, nor a man to put the garbage out, but of course, i look for a long term partner. No, i disagree if i can not find a guy who possesses passion at this stage of my life, then i won't be settling for security, i will continue seeking to find, hopefully i have.

Together we can create security, but without passion, we will live a boring existance.

I think, your thoughts remain with an older generation before us and how they looked, today we are free spirited and know what we want and also, capable of financial security and can stand on our own two feet emotionally whilst we seek and find.

With the bad boys, they understand the mating process -- though perhaps unconsciously. But the nice partner -- or "nice guy", is a good prospect for a woman to put through HER dating process to ensure her survival.

And I know women have equal financial opportunities today and don't need men for survival in that sense, but perhaps, think of it as 'moral support' or companionship instead. A sort of 'social survival'.

In general terms, yes a woman will look for companship and social survival, but to date, all i see from that is suffering very quickly as they become aware of pain and hurt in such a short time of that relationship as generally the person they choice is emotionally not available, not sexually able to satisfy her needs or non understanding of a woman's needs, and is basically non compatible as she chose to seek a partner through lonliness.

I as i said, for one will not and have not gone down that path, it is a waste of precious time that i could be spending "dating" to find, i am very capable of fullfilling my own sexual desires in the meantime.

Whereas, the rare guy who understands the natural working of both, mating and surviving, overlaps the dating and the mating process at the same time.

Are you with me here? You know that song by the band Heart, All I Want to Do is Make Love to You? The singer seems to spell this out loud and clear.

Think you had me at hello... Only joking, it's early in the morning here but i am understanding your thoughts... As in my earliest reply, the woman who understands that she wants a guy who understands the dating and mating process will see that overlap if she sees mating she will hear " all i want to do is to make love to you", which usually actually is all i want to do is.... you because i don't comprehend love, let alone spending quality time pleasuring you, this is for me,me,me...

So I am pretty clear on the 'mating process' here.

No need to be ................well.......... my point was, "what are the key triggers that they desire with men, in dating, that can make them consider mating..... As mating comes after dating, unless the woman of course is not seeking that.

That said, you mentioned all the mistakes guys make, which all seemed to be 'attitudinal errors'.

My question is: assuming a guy has the attitude in place (the opposite of the mistakes you mentioned), what kind of touchstones are crossed between eye contact and sex with such a man?

So much happens in between these two points, correct? Can -- or would you break it down from an experience with a guy who you just couldn't help but sleep with?

Assuming again his intentions are honorable, that being he has dated you, and has found you to be both internally and externally attractive and now wants to win you... There would be more than what i posted as reversals, to win that but he would be right up there as more than a possibility and i would be going home in lust with wanting and desiring, but a small chase is worth the catch, as i think also like a man, play the game a little if you want it to be both sexually and long term.

Doesn't mean i wouldn't want to sleep with him instantly if he was able to push every button correctly, there would be an instant chemistry of both sexual and of the minds.

I found find such a perspective fascinating.

Interesting. Never considered that. But certainly, there still is some kind of dance or 'qualifying' or 'testing' mates involved with animals.

What do you think?

It is interesting, i can not think of one animal that conducts foreplay as part of its sexual act, other than humans..

No though, in the animal kingdom, i only see the male species deciding on a female of that species and taking her. We are not privy as to why they chose that particular female, she may in his eyes be the most attractive of the bunch, there is no test, he simply mates.

As humans, we do that to, again, they call that 'horny' mode with no sensuality, just plain horny.....

That, in this thread, comes usually after dating, and mating......

Deep Thinker Channel1.

[C]

Caroline,

What was it like when you first started seeing him? We're you all by yourself or did he have to win you away from someone else? Did he use a seduction technique or did it all sort of just happen? Or did you turn the tables and seduce him?

These are the important questions...

Richard asked me these questions earlier..I did not understand exactly what he meant....Now I do..You see your life now is no different than my life was then...We played the mating game...But it is how you play it that counts....I did not mate...I was special...I held out...

When I met my husband-to-be, I was dating many guys...Football players from the University, many neat guys...Among them the Russian Interpreter and Intern...But I always considered myself special...I was great looking and I knew it. When a woman is sexual she carries herself different...To put it plainly, I oozed sex...Not to temp but to make guy's aware of it...A sexual woman knows how to do this and accomplish her goal...We dated for the week before he went back to San Francisco but he never fingered me...I would not have let him...Loved him already but I was not one of the cheap women that gave it away...They were all over...He could get a lay anytime he wanted it...He had three dates the night we first went out....During the time I saw my sailor again which was 9 months later, I had two marriage proposals. The intern I had been dating for 14 months...When we talked about marriage and I thought of F him that did it for me...I needed more than to be one of those women that ohhhh and ahhhh and faked sex. I knew that I was good and not this...Joe my Russian guy was another story...BUT he was too hot and may have chased on me and I on him...Too good looking and too smooth but Oh, Joe, I remember you well.

I wanted to mate with my sailor so I went out to San Francisco to be sure...I was....But we did not mate...I still held off as I was special...He could find women to be sexual with all over....This would not be me...If he wanted me to mate with that much, then he would wait...And that is the way it was...

Did I use seduction on him.......YES, by being me....By letting the hot woman that I am show through. I still am to this day...I had a man hit on me in a grocery store three years ago...I have written it up in two blogs...I still glow with sexual awareness and I always will...A hot sexual woman never loses it....She lives it...

My husband came upstairs to me this afternoon...I was at the computer and he was with the puppies..He sat at the chair across from me and looked at me and smiled and said...." I need some pu*sy".....We still have the sexual mating hunger between us....I say this to speak of how sexual a woman can be without giving herself away body and soul......Oh, and naturally he got it and got it well...

I believe the mating game is not only about sex but of two people wanting each other...If you give it to just anyone, how in the devil are you going to be able to tell who you want....It certainly was not because of security for me because the intern became a very prominent doctor and I would have had the world...My husband delivered bread when he got out of service.....I had no sexual relations experience yet I was sought after by many men.....Kind of interesting in the long run....and confusing for women nowaday with the decrease in the eligible man.......Yet if I was again on the prowl, I would hold out for what I wanted and not give it away....I know from seeing men give me a double look that I could get away with it too....Guess this is the difference between the old and the young....

[miffed23]

The word dominant, I think, tends to be interpreted differently by different people, so perhaps if I explain what I mean by it, let's see if we are on the same page after all.

By dominant, I don't mean domineering or 'bullying'. Domineering means that a guy will impose his view of the world or his reality onto others, without noticing that they are rejecting it internally. And if they do let him know, he's blow it off, implying that they're the one who's 'off'.

Dominant, however, is when a man projects his own reality into the world of communication, YET he recognizes how others respond to it and to him. He respects others rights, but he also knows his rights -- to act as he pleases as long as it doesn't violate others rights. This means he refuses to let anyone's negativity or any behavior put his way that he considers unacceptable to influence him.

Isn't there a difference between arrogance (which is what is responsible for domineering attitudes) and confidence, which is the root of dominance?

Are we on the same page or would you say that a dominant man (based on my definition) would still be a turn-off?

Im seeing where you are coming from, and im still thinking that its a fine line...after thinking about it; id say that i personally wouldnt be attracted straight away to a confident man,however, id want him to become confident as the relationship progresses. Does that make sense??

I think they do. Take pe*****s for example. They display their tailfeathers when females come close, which is like a demonstration of their 'mating potential'. And apparently, the female will take one look and immediately be able to determine if he'll be a good mate.

I've also heard about some kind of sea animal, where it's like a dance. The male will 'make a behavior'. If the female recognizes that he did it well, she'll respond to it. And if he then demonstrates the next behavior and does it well, she'll respond. They continue through this 'sequence' until he plays it out according to its design, she'll mate with him.

But the moment, he makes a mistake in a behavior, doesn't do it well, or mixes the sequence up or skips one, she moves on. He has to have each behavior perfect and in sequence.

I think, it's the same with humans. There is a 'dance' but it's more interactive and dynamic rather than 'taking turns', and, like the sea animal, if a male does know a step in the sequence or messes one up, a woman moves on to see if the next guy 'gets it'.

What do you think?

I also agree with your other comments about [/quote]Whereas, the rare guy who understands the natural working of both, mating and surviving, overlaps the dating and the mating process at the same time[/quote] This to me is the ideal man. Whether or not that is due to my age (23), i do not know. But i dont feel that my attitude will change as i get older. Id still want that sexual drive / mating with the addition of security / survival.

Awesome thread. I thoroughly enjoy my daily brain workout.

[miffed23]

Well that didnt come out as i expected it to.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Channel1 {quote}.

Whereas, the rare guy who understands the natural working of both, mating and surviving, overlaps the dating and the mating process at the same time.

Strange thing, each time i try to add to this, it's not blank, it comes back up with those questions you posed directly to me... Is someone doing a "dance" i don't know about??? Can post on any other thread

I have stated in my previous answer, that only 1 man was capable of getting it totally correct, with me so this reply relates to me, not women in general.

Point being, to answer your question more thoroughly:-
"My question is: assuming a guy has the attitude in place (the opposite of the mistakes you mentioned), what kind of touchstones are crossed between eye contact and sex with such a man?"

So much happens in between these two points, correct? Can -- or would you break it down from an experience with a guy who you just couldn't help but sleep with?

Immense intensity. Total lust:-

Only a "man" whom is knowledgeable of a woman's sexuality in its totallity and is extremely confident, knows exactly what he wants, can provide this in his mannerism, words, suggestive thoughts that pertain to sexuality but not directly, subconsciously hints of his desires involving survival, intimacy, romance, partnership , which has ever aspect that one woman whom is dating, is desiring.

He crosses over, suttly without your concsious knowing and hense creating that desire...

if i take it on experience with such a man as you ask, and i can, utilising this one man only that pushed ever button i would say:-

A journey takes place where your sexuality is in total desire and lust, you wait for the next move with anticipation, he's smart enough not to give that straight away, which esculates the desire even more. You are constantly waiting for the next move, journey and he gives that, again suttly and you burn with passion with the "want".

It in my books is called a crossing of the "body and minds....."

That being that he seduced my mind, with the wants and desires i am craving for in it's totality, then slowly seduces the body and mind together.

He has your mind in other words and as such, he then has your body and soul, where there is no inhibitions.