[jns]

I've never experienced oral from my husband. My girlfriend seems to read my mind and do what it takes to drive me crazy. This is slow or fast at what seems like just the right time.

Your gf is reading your reactions and knows from past experience what is most likely to work. If something that worked before doesn't seem to be working, she goes on to something else. It's a good result for both of you.

[atskitty2]

You're right about the hints, jns, he definitely responds best to direct communication. I'm just not sure I am ready to bluntly tell him that his methods are bizarre and I find them to be a turnoff. It's what he likes most, and that was what I had hoped to determine from my discussion of it with him already. I had hoped it was a case of that being all he's ever known or done...but that isn't the case.
He is less experienced than me, but that doesn't seem to be part if the issue here.

I approached it in a similar way as I had the kissing thing, but didn't make it about changing our styles. I am more concerned about my own ability to change and satisfy him, than I am his own willingness to adapt for me. I asked him to demonstrate what he likes, and I tried really hard to mimic his movements, and I failed miserably. It's really frustrating. I will keep trying, but what I'm finding is that while I'm doing all this, I'm getting turned off by my own efforts and failings, and his way of touching me is not pleasant either, and I just don't even want to proceed.
I am really struggling with whether it warrants ending the relationship now, or giving it more effort. The efforts with kissing paid off, but this is quite different I think.

I did tell him that I am not sure I can ever satisfy him, but he isn't concerned. We agree that sex is important and not to be compromised on in any relationship.

I know many here would encourage me to cut my losses and run, as it seems to be an incompatibility for us both, but I'm just not ready to let go of a really good thing, otherwise. Maybe I can learn, I just don't know yet. Maybe he will be able to alter his methods too.

I did conclude that if we cannot master this "section" of physical intimacy, I'm not moving forward to sex with him. I am having trouble believing that would ever be less than a real
challenge if we can't get this much right.

Am I just fooling myself here?

[beethovengenius]

* Kitty, I think you know the answer to you're question. Unfortunately, probably yes.

[atskitty2]

I won't see him until after Christmas at this point, so I'm definitely going to do some thinking-some deep thinking.

I hope others contribute their thoughts as well.

[jns]

Kittty, I don't think you are fooling yourself. You will have to think out your approach to him. Write it down and look it over. I think that you may make things worse if you call his approach bizarre directly to him. Take it on yourself so he wants to change to help you. Such as: "I don't know what it is, but doing it that way doesn't excite me even a little bit." "This is my approach to it." Make it so that your response invites collaboration and compromise.

[atskitty2]

You're right, jns. I certainly won't be insulting or mean with him, I don't wish to hurt him or make him feel foolish. We communicate very well, and we say things freely. We are open and don't take things personally, but yes, I recognize the sensitivity of the topic.

And I fear I cannot operate at the level he needs me to either. In my other thread I haven't really addressed that side of my concerns. He says what I'm doing is great, but I notice sometimes there's no obvious arousal...

[muffin70]

I don't mind if it is fast or slow... I'm just happy if my wife feels the urge to give me a hand job!

[CapeCRunner]

I like some variation. Sometimes slow, sometimes not. This is a little hard to explain but, sometimes when he's on top sometimes he just kind just stays inside of me and just pushes and even moves it in a circular motion. It must just get really deep and it's just like a ton of really pleasurable pressure. He kind of rocks almost. After we've been having more fast-paced sex and he stops and does that I have a really good climax (again, it's kind of hard to describe on here, but he does go slow and I can just kind of feel all of him).

[Texasred45]

Kitty:
You might just tell him what you've written here: it's obvious you care about him, and nothing you've said sounds hurtful.

Or you could just copy over what you've written here and let him read it - and re-read it. and think about what you've said. If he can't/won't adjust, you'll know it's time to move on. This is too big an issue for any relationship to surmount.

[jns]

We're awaiting a reply from kitty over here: https://www.womens-health.com/boards...ld-it-be/page2