[muffin70]

I'd really like it if my wife was more into it..... she rarely touches my pen!s. on Sunday morning we did the 'usual'... I touch and kiss her body, then stimulate her vagina until climax. I lay there on the bed and asked if she would like to give me a hand job, but she said "Don't you want to get on top of me"? which signaled to me that she was not interested in the HJ - but we had good sex

[cathygirl]

I've progressed over the past 18 years from not really liking to perform oral sex, then to enjoying it because my partner (my husband the last 14 of those years) did, to now having it as one of my favorite things to do. I had to get to the point where I loved how it made my husband feel and his incredible enjoyment is contagious. He once told me what it meant to him for me not to spit at the end as if I had something putrid and disgusting in my mouth. He said it made him feel accepted, that the most intimate detail of his sexuality, was not disgusting but accepted by me and how good that feeling was. Well, that made a world of difference to me. I do not find anything objectionable at all about giving him oral sex, and I try to do just that without any expectation of reciprocation, at least once a week. Sometimes in unexpected places ;-) I love it and so does he.

[JonDoe]

I've progressed over the past 18 years from not really liking to perform oral sex, then to enjoying it because my partner (my husband the last 14 of those years) did, to now having it as one of my favorite things to do. I had to get to the point where I loved how it made my husband feel and his incredible enjoyment is contagious. He once told me what it meant to him for me not to spit at the end as if I had something putrid and disgusting in my mouth. He said it made him feel accepted, that the most intimate detail of his sexuality, was not disgusting but accepted by me and how good that feeling was. Well, that made a world of difference to me. I do not find anything objectionable at all about giving him oral sex, and I try to do just that without any expectation of reciprocation, at least once a week. Sometimes in unexpected places ;-) I love it and so does he.

A thousand likes!!!

[JonDoe]

I'd really like it if my wife was more into it..... she rarely touches my pen!s. on Sunday morning we did the 'usual'... I touch and kiss her body, then stimulate her vagina until climax. I lay there on the bed and asked if she would like to give me a hand job, but she said "Don't you want to get on top of me"? which signaled to me that she was not interested in the HJ - but we had good sex

Have you tried telling her what you want instead of asking her if she wants to do what you want?

"Honey, I would love a HJ/BJ right now!" or "I love nothing more than pleasing you orally, but you pleasing me orally comes really close!"

The answering a question with a question is her way of saying no without being the bad guy/girl. My ex-wife did this all the time and it drove me nuts. If it is habitual, than in my opinion it is quite possibly manipulative behavior to get her way. She was fine with me spending 20-30 minutes to bring her to orgasm, but she got frustrated when it took me more than 5-10 minutes. cathygirl is virtual proof that their is hope; however, some people like my ex-wife just never figure it out.

[effy2014]

I know that this response is off topic a bit, so I will apologize in advance. In some ways, I view people as being programmed as either givers or takers. The bedroom is a place where the contrast seems so sharp, perhaps because so much emotion is intertwined with sex. For me, it's not the act anywhere near as much as it is the desire to please. Fellatio can be mind blowing as can dozens of other ways to have an orgasm. If your partner is as eager to please you as you are her (or him), she or he can find ways that will please you both. Cathygirl post is inspiring because she found her pleasure giving this particular pleasure to her husband.

It's often the attention that matters most . . . . Muffin's post speaks volumes. Sex can be great, but he wants the attention . . . the intimate touch . . . not just mechanical sex. While I agree with JD that a discussion is in order (out of the bedroom and with the explanation of why touch/attention is so important to him), I clearly understand his perspective; the worst feeling is having to "force" someone you love and have just pleased, to please you back. We men obsess about intimacy way too much, but our emotional connection is so intertwined with physical intimacy.