[muffin70]

Last night my wife came in to the spare room (computer room) and asked me to look up a website for her.... As I typed in the w w w, one of the automaticly (previously used?) websites came up as an option - it was a porn site.
My wife asked if it was a porn site and I said yes probably.... then she asked me if I look up porn and I admitted that occasionally I did. (maybe once / twice a month?)
She asked when the last time was and I admitted it was last week when she was out for a couple of hours..... she wasn't happy at all and asked why I need to look at porn sites.
I said that sometimes I 'feel the urge' and because we only make love about once a week or 10 days I feel the urge to releive myself occasionally - and said if we made love more regularly then I probably wouldn't do it.... then she got all defensive and said "well we always go to bed too late.... I'm not a morning person.... I can't just be in the mood because you have an erection..."
Then she asked me what sort of porn I look up, and I confessed I like to watch clips of women giving men hand jobs to orgasm, cumsh0t compilations and clips of men ejaculating over womans breasts.
She asked why I looked up that inparticular, and I said that's what I would really like to happen to me - and pointed out it has been over a year since she has given me a hand job and in the 15 years we've been together she's never let me climax over her breasts.... and her reply was "you know how I feel about that" (referring to me climaxing on her breasts).

I apologised to her, but she changed the subgect and we looked up the website she originally wanted to look at. then when we went to bed I kissed her and apologised again.... but she just said "I'm tired", so I turned out the light and we went to sleep...

don't get me wrong I love my wife, and when we have sex it's great - especially if she wears one of her scarves..... I just wish she'd be more open into trying new things other than missionary / doggy style

[Motorguy]

Well Muffin next time the wife is feeling frisky maybe this time bring up checking out the porn. When the mood is right. Just to show her it's harmless that when the urge comes up she not around you need some relief now, not later lol. Maybe if she's watches some with you and sees how exciting it can be this can lead to other fun stuff under the covers then. My wife loves it this gets her really turn on.Let's just say we both enjoy the sexual fun under the covers then lol.

[Claret]

Muffin, when I read your posts it seems to me that the sex is all about you - what you want - when you want it - where you want it - when you don't get it. Once in a while make this about her for heaven's sake. No scarfs, no hand-jobs, no blow jobs, no fantasies just plain arms around your partner love. Sex doesn't always have to be a marathon and a race to the finish. It's about taking the time to care about and show you care about the other person. It can be simple and in being simple it has a certain sweetness to it. Maybe she only does some of this stuff with scarves and hand-jobs etc. as a way of trying to satisfy you but it really isn't satisfying her.

Simply having an orgasm doesn't always necessarily mean that you're satisfied. It simply means the body has responded in a certain way to certain stimulations. For most persons they require a body/mind connections to make it really meaningful. Don't get me wrong "just for the orgasms sex" can be great if that's what is needed at that time, but the other type is just as important too.

I also agree with MG, when (and I say that strongly) WHEN she expresses interest in what you are watching, show her. You could also show her how you react to the porno and then you and guage her reaction to what is going on. BUT do this when SHE expresses and interest NOT when you want it.

[a_dub]

It could be worse. You could be getting zero sex. Better boring missionary and doggy than no sex!

[Pearlami]

I really can't see the big deal about it. I don't mind if my husband watches porn. As long as he keeps me satisfied.. It's not like he's cheating. It's just a harmless fantasy.

[Selya]

I really can't see the big deal about it. I don't mind if my husband watches porn. As long as he keeps me satisfied.. It's not like he's cheating. It's just a harmless fantasy.

Couldn't agree more!

[muffin70]

Muffin, when I read your posts it seems to me that the sex is all about you - what you want - when you want it - where you want it - when you don't get it. Once in a while make this about her for heaven's sake. No scarfs, no hand-jobs, no blow jobs, no fantasies just plain arms around your partner love. Sex doesn't always have to be a marathon and a race to the finish. It's about taking the time to care about and show you care about the other person. It can be simple and in being simple it has a certain sweetness to it. Maybe she only does some of this stuff with scarves and hand-jobs etc. as a way of trying to satisfy you but it really isn't satisfying her.

Simply having an orgasm doesn't always necessarily mean that you're satisfied. It simply means the body has responded in a certain way to certain stimulations. For most persons they require a body/mind connections to make it really meaningful. Don't get me wrong "just for the orgasms sex" can be great if that's what is needed at that time, but the other type is just as important too.

I also agree with MG, when (and I say that strongly) WHEN she expresses interest in what you are watching, show her. You could also show her how you react to the porno and then you and guage her reaction to what is going on. BUT do this when SHE expresses and interest NOT when you want it.

well it is not all about me... I have asked her countless times what her fantasies are, and what turns her on or puts her in the mood and her reply is usually 'I don't know'. she said that she'd like me to sit with her on the couch and watch TV together and I'm all for that - but the problem is she likes to watch Eastenders (UK soap opera), the Ellen Degeneres show, the Bachelor / Bachelorette and other programs that I don't like / or have no interest in watching and every time I sit on the couch with her she starts to watch one of those TV programs - and that's when I get up and go on the computer and go on Facebook / youtube / Trade me (NZ's equivilent of ebay).
Trust me I would do anything for her... and really want to please her - not just sexually
I never harrass her for sex and never tell her she has to wear a scarf during sex..... I just wish she'd be in the mood a bit more often - and I'm willing to do anything to make that happen

[DreamP346]

Muffin, you made a classic mistake when asked why you watch porn. It should have been phrased as your problem not her's. Instead of blaming her (I know you are not, but that is how she is taking it) for not giving you enough sex and being the reason you go to porn, you should have pointed the blame to yourself. You should have phrased it as, "I just have a higher sex drive than you, and in between our sex sessions I turn to porn because I don't want to bother you. It's just to get me by till the next time we make love."

[Claret]

Muffin, what if she really doesn't have much in the way of fantasies? Not all persons do. It's just a fact of life and unfortunately you never thought to ask prior to getting married. I say that because in the absence of any data to the contrary it seems that you are sexually incompatible.

It sounds as if what she is really asking (when she asks you to sit with her and watch tv) is for you to just sit back, relax and enjoy something she enjoys. Take the tv out of the equation, what does she like to do? If she is simply looking for intimacy and the two of you being together in a quiet non-sexual nature, then perhaps that is her fantasy. Does she like books? Can you find a well-written erotic book that the two of you could sit and read together in the evening? This could provide the quiet time, the erotic time, the together time that would lead to something else.

[muffin70]

Yes I am aware that the 'porn' problem is my own and I've told her that I need to releive myself occasionally, because waiting 7-10 days is too long for me.... she thinks I should be able to 'hold on' until we make love.... but by then I'm 'bursting at the seams' and intercourse takes about 2 mins or less (after I've pleased her with my fingers)

She spends 4-5 hours a day in the evenings on the TV and on her iphone texting and she does knitting while watching the TV.
Funny thing is she has read the 50 shades of grey books and said they were very erotic, but it didn't have any effect on our sex life.... same with the movie - she saw that and really liked it. I asked her if she would like to be tied up with some of her scarfs and she replied straight away that she would not like to be tied up at all.

She likes cuddles and likes to be close to me and I love cuddling her in bed and rubbing my hands through her hair as I tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her.....

I even suggested last night when I got home from work that we go to bed early for some romance..... but then she phoned a friend for about 40 minutes and watched all her programs on TV for 3+ hours and came to bed at 11:30pm, rolled over and said 'I'm tired' and went to sleep.
But this morning she said sorry she was too tired last night... then said we need to get to bed earlier..... like it was my fault that we didn't get to bed earlier!!!
I can't win sometimes.... LOL!