[Findingluckystar]

I've never discussed this issue with anyone else as its a very sensitive issue and I don't have male friends to discuss with. This is our recent problem, he can't get hard after his prostate surgery, in fact I find his penis has got smaller after the surgery which is a huge turn off as it adds on to the PE problem he already has before surgery. After surgery, he used meds I.e; Viagra ,which helped some time ,not all the time and yet he wanting sex without med which he can hardly get hard even though he's horny. What's with that attitude? On the other hand,I love sex but because of so often with the failed of him keeping hard, I rather not to have sex but self sex ( masturbate). We haven't have sex for coming close to 1 year now, this doesn't seem to bother him. I'm not sure if he masturbate as I don't ask this kind of questions and knowing that he will easily brush off the topic, but if he does, won't that help to keep him hard longer?
To man out there, won't you be worrying and will find help if this is your problem??

[Stillness]

Have you talked to him about it?

[Texasred]

I think the OP just said "I don't ask this kind of questions," although it's clear she should.
But it's very unlikely he could masturbate if he doesn't get hard - in fact, it's nigh impossible.
I'd think he should go see his doctor, immediately. The prostate surgery may have caused some nerve damage.
Viagra is not the only solution; there are injections, self-administered, that are wonderfully effective.

[Romy]

I really don't like to be the bearer of bad news but from what I know about the after effects of prostrate surgery (in the instance I know the prostrate was removed) not only can the man not get hard, he has no desire for sex anymore and it created huge problems in his relationship. So rather than this couple live like husband and wife they now simply share a house. It's so sad.

[atskitty2]

You need to be able to have a conversation about this together. And he needs to speak with his doctor about the issue and see what the options are for him.

It may be a difficult discussion, but avoidance is getting you nowhere.

[Motorguy]

Very good point Kitty there's other option that can be done. They can install a pump to get erection. When Viagra is not working or a implant as well. But talking with the doctor with wife would be the first on the list to do and find the best solution to the problem.

[Motorguy]

I really don't like to be the bearer of bad news but from what I know about the after effects of prostrate surgery (in the instance I know the prostrate was removed) not only can the man not get hard, he has no desire for sex anymore and it created huge problems in his relationship. So rather than this couple live like husband and wife they now simply share a house. It's so sad.

You are very correct Romy on this issue. I known a couple guys who had there prostrate remove and it ruin there marriage and are now divorce and alone it's very sad.

[Texasred]

As others have noted above, and I briefly mentioned, there are options: one is very effective, I can attest: there are shots which when self-administered can produce very good ( I'd say "amazing"!) results in minutes. These are prescribed by a doctor. One medication is called Edex; others are available as proprietary compounds of 3 or more medicines that avoid the unpleasant side-effects that are sometimes experienced with Edex at high dosages. In the U.S., there are clinics with names like "Boston Male Medical Clinic" or "Dallas Male Medical Clinic" - if you see the key word "male" in the name of the clinic, that's where you might go.
These are for-profit outfits and they of course try to sell you a long-term contract that can run into the thousands of dollars, but typically a trial enrollment can be done - if not, walk out the door, there are other places!
The key point is, an erection can be achieved even after radical prostate surgery, and knowing this can recharge the libido: it's not that men lose interest in sex after prostate surgery, they just lose interest in disappointment, rejection, and sometimes the ridicule they experience when they can't perform. Knowing you **can** perform is a wonderful boost to the libido.

Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional, not associated with any provider of ED treatments, and not a prostate-surgery-survivor; I am however a scientist, and a researcher, and I have been afflicted with what's euphemistically called "ED" in the past. So I know how bad it feels to not be able to perform, and how destructive it can be to a relationship.
And I have done my homework!

[jns]

The questioning of his ability to get harder when he cannot, can be emasculating and cause as much of a problem as the erectile dysfunction itself. Any hint of impatience can lead to loss of focus at getting hard if that is still possible under controlled conditions. If he can get hard under controlled conditions, a ring could possibly help him stay hard enough, long enough to give you pleasure.

As far as ED, getting hard enough for penetration and continued sex is not required to masturbate to ejaculation. I have ejaculated while only slightly hard. I have found that both Levitra (vardenafil) and sildenafil (generic Viagra) have lost their effect over time. Direct injection in the base of the penis of compounded shots was great in a controlled setting, but failed miserably during the dynamic situation of sex (it's an interesting situation to plunge a half inch insulin size needle into your penis - it doesn't hurt as much as you might initially think it would). These observations are from my own experience. They may not be true for others.

From talking to a guy I used to know who had an inflatable bladder surgically implanted in his penis due to wanting to have sex after ED made it impossible, I am under the impression that option is something that can work, but may not in every situation. He claimed it restored his ability to perform as he was able to decades earlier. He seemed very happy with the results.

[suej]

Aside from medications -- especially ones that are injected into the penis, which my husband would never consider -- there is also using strap-on extensions. Some of them are very high quality, and exactly for the purpose of treating ED.

In the case of my husband, he does not suffer from ED, but we started using extensions because they come in larger sizes, and I love the feeling of being filled up vaginally. (My husband also likes using them too, although he can't feel anything when he wears one. But he likes the visual of seeing me take something large, as well as pleasing me sexually.)