[CapeCRunner]

My younger sister is 26. She came to me for advice and I honestly don't know what to tell her.
She has a close group of friends and they hang out at her friend Toms house a lot. Tom lives with his single father who is 41. He's a handsome guy from the pictures I've seen but that's besides the point.
My sister and him from what she told me talked s lot, seemed to flirt a little and this past weekend they actually hooked up. He asked her out on a formal date and she wants to go but she's afraid of what might happen with her friends, Tom in particular.
I have no idea what advice to give her on this... Any thoughts?

[Motorguy]

Well all you can do Cape is give your advice. Along with your feeling of how you feel about the big age difference. I mean it may be lust your sister is feeling. But does this seem like a long term relationship for her.
But this could end the friendship with her friend Tom and the rest of the friends that she hangs out with. They may think it's very creepy to all of them with the age gap. My feeling your sis should just be friends forget the sexually relationship with Tom's dad and stay being friends with Tom and the other friends. This can end your sister friendship with Tom and the rest of the friends it's a very touchy slope here. I think your sister knows this or why would she being asking for advice about it all.

[atskitty2]

I actually have a few thoughts on this, but not enough time to go into any details.
What exactly is it she's concerned about? Is it because it's tom's dad, or just in general, dating a "friend" in the group? 15 yrs difference in age isn't shocking to me, would it be to them? (The Friends I mean)
Is she considering dating him, as in carrying on a relationship or just a fwb type deal, or does she know? What is it HE wants out of it?

There, some basic info and then maybe I will have more time to comment.

[CapeCRunner]

Thanks guys... She told me she wouldn't want to do the friends with benefits thing and has claimed that he is pursuing a relationship as well. I know the age gap is a little weird, but I guess if they hit it off then why not?
I think she should be honest with Tom if she does accept the date with his dad. Sneaking around can be fun but it almost feels wrong when friends are involved? Am I right or wrong about that? Or is it nobody's business?

Still back and forth of this one...

[Claret]

There comes a time when people strike out on their own and at 26 I'd think she fits that category. She should only be concerned what Tom thinks about their relationship not any relationship she has with the "other older man". It's not clear by your post whether or not the "other older man" is the father of anybody in this circle but it really shouldn't matter.

At 26 she may be thinking of more permanent relationships that just hanging out with a group of people more often than not at Tom's house. It just might be time for her to experience what I'd call mature dating. That is dating someone that actually will go out to nice places with you, want to spend alone time in conversation or finding out each others likes and dislikes. This could lead to a more intimate relationship and really who is anybody to say anything about this? It's none of their business!

I'd tell her to go for it, see where it leads, and just enjoy the ride. Life is too short not to take pleasure in all kinds of relationships and friendships. Each person adds a little experience and maturity to our own existence and helps us define ourselves.

[CapeCRunner]

Wow that's pretty much a perfect response. You're absolutely right. 😊

[jns]

I don't find the age gap a problem since my father was 15 years older than my mother. It sounds like your sister and Tom's father are both interested in what could become a stable relationship.

The question really is: "How is Tom going to react?" First, how old is Tom? Has he been out on his own? Does he seem accepting of things or does he react against them? Some children just want their parents to be happy instead of requiring a lot of preconditions.

[CapeCRunner]

I'm not sure how old Tom is but he's in his 20's. I think his father had him at a young and with his ex wife and never remarried.
I don't know him much other than he is my sisters friend. My parents are 9 years apart so yeah age is but a number I guess. As long as they're both on the same page right?

[atskitty2]

I am curious to hear what develops

I think the age difference is a non issue, but for some, it's a big issue.
I think it's a risk weighing situation. She has to decide if the risk of a poor reaction from tom and possibly losing his friendship is worth the gamble that his father is the guy she will spend a considerable amount of time with in her future.
Or, worth the fun of a fling, or whatever she has in mind.
It all depends on what she thinks is more valuable really, as far as I can tell.

It's a tricky situation, dating a friend's parent. It could be that tom will be supportive.
I wouldn't keep anything secret, but I don't necessarily think I'd go out of my way to tell tom too early either.

[CapeCRunner]

Well they went out for dinner and a drink on Friday so she seems to be going for it. She told me it went well but she has not told me whether she told Tom.
From what she's told me they both are looking for a relationship so, hey, I hope it works out for her.