[chaya]

Last night after I went bed my husband came to bed with me. I felt he was very aroused, I know he has been suffering, being in bed with me and not having sex. I decided to try to do it for him. He is large and even if I am aroused it hurts sometimes when he gets carried away. Last night it was worse that usual, a lot worse. I was trying not to let him know how bad I felt. It seemed like he went on forever. After we were relaxing in bed and talking. He told me that he heard the rapist was claiming it was consensual sex, that I had invited him to have sex in my car and that the rapist was out on bail. I was really upset but tried to hide it from my husband. After I called my sister and then my mother and told them the whole story. If my husband gives his consent I am going home to Hawaii for a while, I'll be taking my daughter with me and will take my husband and Kiyomi if they want and can get the time off.

[jns]

I'm sorry sex was so painful and difficult for you. I hope that situation gets better.

I think 100% of rapists claim consensual sex at some time when they are accused. Fortunately jurors won't believe it in most cases. I hope you are working with competent prosecutors. Is the evidence solid?

Is this the rapist's first felony? That may be a reason he could get out on bail.

The rapist last said directly to you that he was sorry. Now he is claiming consensual sex. Why would he be sorry for consensual sex? This just goes to show that he is a liar and no one, including you, should believe a word he says. Believing that he was sorry just robs you of some of the energy that you need to use to heal.

I think a trip to Hawaii may help. Make sure you are in touch with the prosecutors to make sure that you are there when you need to be.

[chaya]

I think a trip to Hawaii may help. Make sure you are in touch with the prosecutors to make sure that you are there when you need to be.

The first time I was raped in Hawaii I ran away to California to avoid the shame of testifying in court. They had to dismiss the case against him for lack of evidence. I lived with that and it took a long time to get over it, I'm still not completely over it. I tried to take my own life I was so distraught.

The fact is that I would rather die that stand up in a room full of strangers and answer questions about what happened. I am not the brave strong woman you all seem to think I am. I am a coward that has already let one rapist go and am probably going to do it again.

[Motorguy]

Hey Chaya, I can't say I know what you going through l really can't. But think if you let this piece of garbage get away with this. He will rape another women and just maybe kill her. So there's no witness next time. Once he's in jail you can forget about him and move on with your life with hubby and daughter. If you can't do it for yourself please just do it before there's another victim of this animal again.

[chaya]

My mom is here. We decided it would be better if she came here because my younger sister is going through a bad time with her bipolar disorder. It wouldn't be good to see her daughter at this time. In case you don't know, my adopted daughter is actually my younger sister's daughter.

Mom, my husband and Kiyomi convinced me that I have to testify. We don't know yet when the trial will be. There is a chance that there will be a plea bargain and I might not have to testify. I'm having nightmares thinking about it, I have no idea what questions they will ask me if I testify. I've seen movies about trials and it could be real bad. I wanted to ask the police woman but I was too upset and didn't ask her. Does anyone know what they might ask me, will be the intimate details?

[jns]

The trial will probably be a few months later if it isn't delayed even more by mutual agreement. Both sides will evaluate you as a witness and determine if a mutually agreeable plea agreement can be reached. I hope for your sake that a plea is reached with significant prison time for the rapist.

In a trial the defendant will almost always have to testify if you testify and the defense cannot impeach your testimony. The defense will try to make out that you requested sex or at least consented to it. The prosecution will have to keep the defense lawyers from testifying (lawyers cannot testify, only the defendant, the victim and witnesses including expert witnesses) and also from badgering you. I hope you have a good prosecution team that is highly prepared. There probably will be some intimate details, but they should not be prurient if the prosecution is doing it's job.

If you haven't done it yet, you should write down an account of what happened. This will allow you to add in details as you remember them. When you testify, your testimony will then be as complete as possible. Only put down actual facts, not speculation such as guessing the rapist's motivation or if he was sorry.

Society puts a tremendous burden on the victims of rape. In many ways it is unlike almost every other crime. I would like to see the rapist convicted, but I am sympathetic with you not wanting to testify. Best wishes.

[bel08]

Hi Chaya, I hope you can find the inner strength to get through this. I would be terrified if I had to testify against my rapist too. I still have nightmares about being raped. It was very different for me when I was raped, not very dramatic but still traumatizing. I have issues with hyper vigilance, always looking for danger.
I applaud you for reporting. I never did. Mainly because I was told not to bother. That hurt a lot.
There was a member of my family a long time ago that was raped by several men, she killed herself rather than stand up in court. It's a very sad thing that happens.

Anyway I hope you will be okay. I'm part of an organization called Red My Lips. We're all about bringing down rape culture and supporting fellow warriors. If you want to talk about it then I'm here for you. Everyones experience is different so I won't say that I know exactly how you feel, but some things about rape are universal.

May you find some inner peace and reclaim your body as your own.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

I must say I'm horrified by your ordeal and I can hardly believe your sharing this terrible experience with us.
Anyway take care and I think maybe you did the best thing to tell the police even though that would be just as traumatic.