[jns]

Please don't spend time and effort identifying with this attacker. With a knife to your neck it only takes a little motion for things to get much worse.What if he panicked? How would he react? The truth is that you don't know. Saying he was sorry was probably to help justify what he had done in his own mind. I wonder if he has been sorry in the past.

I would expect the other nurses to be among your biggest supporters. Are you afraid that they will blame the victim?

It is good that the situation is out and being handled by the police. Now you don't have to keep secrets from your loved ones. I hope you have considered getting some counseling. Best wishes on things getting better.

[chaya]

I had to go to the police station to identify the rapist. They had me sit at a table, everyone left. A police woman came in and showed me photos one at a time. I was told to say yes if it was the rapist and no if it wasn't. The forth photo she showed me was him, for a while I couldn't say anything, then I said yes. they showed me 2 more photos and I said no. She said thank you and left. They didn't tell me anything only that I was finished and could go home. On the way out I saw 2 of the nurses I work with sitting in chairs in the hall. I couldn't face them, I felt so ashamed. My husband drove me home, on the way he said the man would be arrested and I might have to identify him again.

My whole life has changed since that night. When people look at me I feel ashamed and blush. I know it is irrational to feel like this but I imagine them thinking of me on my back with the rapist on top of me. I can't shake this feeling no matter how much I try. The first time I was raped I felt the same shame and guilt for months.

[atskitty2]

Chaya, I'm so proud of you for having the strength to go to the police! So proud! I know that was difficult for you, and probably traumatised you all over again.

I know your cultural influence is different, but You have nothing to feel ashamed of, or guilt, or any sense of embarrassment. You did nothing wrong!
He violated you!
Maybe those nurses also had been raped? Or threatened? Or violated in some way?

I cannot begin to imagine how it feels to be raped. You should be proud that you have the courage to report and identify him. You have done a great thing, in answer to a horrible thing. Maybe you're preventing this from happening to others!

Stay strong. Get some counseling to help you cope with the emotions your feeling.

[jns]

Chaya, you have shown incredible bravery throughout this ordeal. I salute you.

[sam00]

Chaya, I'm so proud of you for having the strength to go to the police! So proud! I know that was difficult for you, and probably traumatised you all over again.

I know your cultural influence is different, but You have nothing to feel ashamed of, or guilt, or any sense of embarrassment. You did nothing wrong!
He violated you!
Maybe those nurses also had been raped? Or threatened? Or violated in some way?

Stay strong. Get some counseling to help you cope with the emotions your feeling.

Chaya, you are brave... i passed the site once but couldnt post, but now let me say i'm so sorry to hear this happened. We dont even know each other really and may lack words, but we do feel for you. Please be strong, and i even thank you for being that, for many are not. Like someone else said in the thread-- and you, it needs time. May God grant you healing and the mental and spiritual recovery you so need at this time. Take care.

[Motorguy]

Hey Chaya I wanted to commented you on doing the right thing.By getting this monster off the street. The main reason that he doesn't ever do this to any other women again. I hope you will see a therapist to help you through all the emotional issue along with your husband helping you as well. I'm very proud of you for being brave and fighting back you won't let anyone be hurt by this scum bag again.

[chaya]

I might need to see a therapist, I can't shake the fear of going out, I've only been out to go to the doctor and police station. I can't shake the dirty feeling no matter how much I shower. I don't want anyone to touch me or even talk to me. I'm thinking of going to the Zen center and stay for a few days.

[atskitty2]

Do what you need to do Chaya, to get on the path to being whole and healthy again. Take some time away to get the healing start you need.

Still thinking of you, and hoping for the best for you.

[jns]

I might need to see a therapist, I can't shake the fear of going out, I've only been out to go to the doctor and police station. I can't shake the dirty feeling no matter how much I shower. I don't want anyone to touch me or even talk to me. I'm thinking of going to the Zen center and stay for a few days.

It will take time for those feelings to subside. Therapy may be able to help you heal quicker. Although the Zen Center has been a refuge in the past, things may have changed. Is there a women's retreat that you can go to where you are surrounded by women? It may be better than having any interaction with men while you are working through things.

[Ashlee T.]

I am so proud of you Chaya. As you know, and I know, personally.......life can be so cruel at times but it can also be very beautiful. The sun through the storm here is that by being so brave and identifying this man, you have saved other women and potentially even little girls. I know that doesn't take away what you feel now and like any grief, you have to accept whatever it is at the moment. Surely you must feel so many terrible things inside right now. My thoughts are with you and again......I am so proud of you.