[muffin70]

Well – I did it…. I finally spoke to my wife and opened up about how I really feel
We both ended up crying afterwards and some of what I said upset her, but I felt like I had to be honest and speak my mind.

I told her that I am really worried about her and her weight, as she weighs over 100kg (250lbs +). I reminded her that when she had her knee operation 2 years ago the specialist said she needed to lose weight to take the strain off her knee – otherwise she may need a full knee replacement. When she walks up the 15 steps to our house she is always out of breath.

I reminded her of my need to lose weight for my diabetes, and said if we continue eating chocolate, processed carbs…etc… then there is no way I will get my diabetes under control. I said we are both in the very obese category and we cannot hide from that. I do 99% of the cooking so I know I need to make some changes there.

I told her we also need to change things in our lives and said we need to spend more time together in the evenings. I don’t like it that she chooses to watch Eastenders, The Ellen Show, survivor, bachelor… and other programs that I have no interest in watching myself. She complains to me because I spend about 2 hours a night on the computer looking up youtube, facebook…etc… but I have no interest in watching the programs she watches. I said I am happy to sit out in the lounge with her, but not if she is going to watch any of those programs.

I told her if we spent more time together and lived a more healthier lifestyle then it would be better for us overall

I then bought up the topic of ‘sex’ and said that once every week or 2 is simply not enough for me and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make our sex life better…. I told her that just the sight of her naked body is enough to get me aroused, but after all these years I still don’t know what gets her turned on or in the mood for sex…. Sometimes she will see my naked body and say something like “aren’t you cold”?

She then admitted that she doesn’t really know what turns her on, but said I’d look better / more attractive with a flatter stomach…. I said I would like us to be able to try other sexual positions, because as at the moment all we are able to do is missionary – because of our weight and her dodgy knee we can’t do any other positions. I told her I want to be her hunky spunky man that turns her on!

I told her that I love her to bits and that sex is an important part of our marriage and I want to give her more loving more regularly. She then said that sometimes she finds sex a bit uncomfortable…. So I said we need to make it more comfortable

So I gave her a hug and said lets work on things together, but we were both crying by this point

I made a special point of telling her how much I loved her this morning as were getting ready for work and she just smiled at me…
In the car on the way to work I apologised if I had upset her with what I had said last night, but she replied "that's ok"

[jns]

Communication is important.

[Ashlee T.]

That sounds like a great talk!! Now, make it a point to talk often so you don't have to save everything up for one moment. That could be overwhelming for both of you.

I think getting healthy is the #1 priority. If she gets out of breath walking up the steps and is in general just uncomfortable with herself, she's not going to have a great drive for sex. Also, obesity in women can also mess with the hormonal balance. Same thing for men. In general, the weight issue is probably at the root of the majority of your issues.

[muffin70]

thanks for the replies..... yes I think the weight issue is the main issue.
I had been holding things in for several months and didn't know what to say to my wife or how to say it.... so in the end I just blurted it out.... and it probably didn't come out too well!
But as you say regular communication is the key.

[Stillness]

in the end I just blurted it out.... and it probably didn't come out too well!

In my experience, this is better than holding stuff in, as long as no one is trying to be hurtful and it's clear that the goal is to overcome an issue and keep loving each other. Yeah, some tears may be shed, but in the long-run it makes things better.

[Motorguy]

That's a good start with good communication with the wife. By talking from your heart that you both can work on getting healthy together. But this just show's the love you have for your wife as well and in the long run this is why we do get married to enjoy sharing your life with someone you truly and deeply love.

[CapeCRunner]

I think it's definitely a great thing to be honest. I get that weight and women can sound like a deadly combination but there is certainly a way to be kind and honest about it... I think it's important because it's not strictly a weight thing, it's about health.
And everything else too... good for you for opening up respectfully. If more people did that then maybe marriages would last longer!
I hope things go smoothly from here. Sounds like you really love each other.