[Hb94]

Hello all! I've lurked for a while and have finally worked up the courage to post, so here goes:

I'm female, 21 years old and a virgin. I've always been interested in sex, ever since it became apparent to me. I love sex, in virtually all forms. I like to read it, write it, watch it etc. I'm also an avid masturbator, and I love my toys. It's very fair to say that I know my body well, and I know what works for me. I like to talk about sex, and my knowledge of sex is good, which is doubly ironic given I've never even had a date. I'm also a registered nurse, so hardly a young 21, just a busy one.

I want to have sex, I feel ready to have sex. I've no social issue surrounding virginity, and honestly it's not all that important to me. I'd also like to say that I'm not interested in this for the purpose of 'losing' said virginity, I simply want to have sex. I'm not worried about pain or discomfort associated with it, because to be honest, I've already passed that barrier (no pun intended) myself. I feel like I do want causal sex, and currently, I'm not too interested in a relationship - I'm just a really horny gal. I do worry a little, and despite not having hangups about virginity, I do hesitate at the idea of having that first experience as a casual encounter, despite how much I want it. I hear a lot that men would prefer to know if the woman is a virgin prior to it, but it seems that idea is based around them wanting to be gentler to avoid pain and discomfort, both of which, I'm well beyond. So in saying that, I don't feel it's necessary to announce it - hey, it's my choice, right? I guess I feel a little apprehensive toward it, no one can know exactly how they'll react in a situation. I think my only hand ups are socially driven, and a lot of me just says: go out and get what you want!

I'd love to hear experiences, advice, thoughts.
Thanks! H. x

[Stillness]

Welcome!

I've been with a few different people sexually. I've had long term sexual relationships with two. The first was a girlfriend I was in love with. The second is my wife.

I regret absolutely everything about sex that wasn't with the two relationships. I'll never, ever have casual sex again. It's unfulfilling to me and leaves me felling bad.

My girlfriend and I were both young and sex caused us a lot of problems, but I loved every minute of it, including the first time. It was special because it was with her. I'll never forget it.

Masturbation and sex aren't even in the same ballpark for me. It's like comparing chewing a stick of gum to pleasant conversation over a four course candlelight dinner at your favorite restaurant.

[Hb94]

Hi Stillness, Thanks for your reply! I appreciate your insight. May I ask what it was about the casual sex that left you feeling bad? And I sure do hope that sex is better than masturbation, but yes, I do agree that it is dependent on the right partner and improves in long term relationships. Eventually, I would like to have a relationship, but at the moment I'm weary of commitment. I'm not too sure why. I feel like I'm unable to give a partner what they'd need.

[Stillness]

I felt like I was using them and they were using me - and not in a good way.I don't know how to divorce sex from emotion, so I put passion and feeling behind it. I'm making love every time.

Imagine you're walking down the street and a stranger yells out, "You're so beautiful! I'm in love! I wanna take you home to meet my mamma!" You know that they're insincere, right? The words are empty and they want something other than to care about you. They give you a bad feeling even though what they're saying in and of itself is actually complimentary.

Sex with people I wasn't with gave me both the feeling of someone receiving that kind of compliment and giving it. It felt insincere, creepy, dirty, animal, empty.

[Ashlee T.]

Hey there!! We are so glad you decided to come out of the lurker shadows!! :-D

Casual sex isn't difficult to find. But, I'm going to put my own experience out there a bit, not in any way to say yours will mirror mine but to give you something to think about. Much like Stillness, my casual encounters are the only ones I truly wish I had not had. I didn't feel used, and I had no moral problem with the casual sex, but experience has shown me that sex with someone gets better with time. The first sexual encounter with someone is usually not nearly the best one and so if that's all you ever really have, then your view point of sex will be very skewed.

Additionally, because you've thought about sex without experiencing it for so long, you have probably played up your first encounter in your head so much so that you may be a tad disappointed when it actually happens. Don't get me wrong......sex can be WONDERFUL and amazing but my best experiences have been with people I truly cared about and had an emotional intimacy with too.

Nothing wrong with being leery of commitment. It's better than the opposite (which is what many women are... , in my opinion. Don't close yourself off, find ways to be open to dating and then see where that takes you. But I do recommend AGAINST casual sex for your first encounter.

[cathygirl]

I agree with Stillness, except for one thing - for me, sex without relationship is nothing more than masturbation, but it carries a lot of risks and emotional baggage with it.

[jns]

Sex in a relationship is much better than casual sex, IMO. That being said, I don't regret that my first sexual encounters were not in relationships. They were learning experiences that helped build up a drive toward relationships. Fortunately I did not feel used in either situation. I would caution about being with someone who is using you.

[DreamP346]

I have had both casual and relationship sex. I have had sex with people I loved and didn't love. Yes, the best sex is in a relationship after you've done it several times and really get to know each other, but that doesn't mean any of the other sexual encounters weren't fun. A four course meal in candle light is great, but sometimes you just want a greasy pizza in front of the TV. My first sexual encounter was with my boyfriend but I didn't have any feelings for him and knew I never would. Like you, I just wanted to experience sex. It wasn't great. Hey, it was my first time and I didn't know what I was doing. But I don't regret it. I don't regret any sexual encounters. They were all great experiences in their own way.

My experience with sex works for me because I don't place sex on a pedestal of emotional bonding, have religious or moral hangups around sex, and think of it as another physical activity to engage in. I don't think most people think that way. That is why they have difficulty with FWB and open relationships. So you need to look at your own thoughts/beliefs on sex to know if casual sex works for you.

Oh, by the way, virginity is a social concept. It doesn't really exist. So don't let that guide your actions.

[Motorguy]

I would agree sex with a spouse over a casual encounter friend is by far the best sex. You're more emotional involved with your spouse physically and mentally. I had a few one nighter sexually flings before I was married and the next morning you feel dirty along with that emotion guilt that you did something so wrong. But compatible sex with spouse is indeed so much better by far.