[atskitty2]

Curious to see what the ladies experience, vs the men's expectations.
If a woman Is stressed, do you typically experience more difficulty getting arousal at the sight of your man or does it take some unwinding and time?

Gentlemen, what is your experience and expectations of your wife/girlfriend?
would you expect for her to be instantly turned on at the sight of your chest, or something?

[Stillness]

Great thread! I've been married for 16 years and I still don't understand my wife in this area.

I mentioned on another thread how she recently told me my smell is very sexy and she loves it and how she's never talked like that before. I know she does like my chest, especially the valley between my pecs. She says that she thinks it's like how I like her breasts and she doesn't really like me to go out with my chest exposed. She has claimed to find it sexy when I do stuff for her, although this has always felt like my boss saying "that's hot" when I close a big case. I don't seem to actually get sex from it. Come to think of it, I don't know if anything I do ever converts into sex. One of the most frustrating things she's ever told me is that she gets turned on when I'm not with her. That was during the time we were really struggling - not encouraging.

Once I put my penis in her face since I figured she liked my penis. I stress the "once." It did not go well.

All in all, I have little expectation at this point. I've given up trying to figure it out. I know we're very different. I also know that something in my wife has changed and is changing sexually. At this point, I just go for enjoying the ride instead of overthinking.

[amy40]

different things can cause instant arousal such as reading or good kissing

[atskitty2]

but, say the woman is stressed out as much as possible, she comes home after running around all day, getting really nothing accomplished and having a lot on her plate, mentally. Imagine she comes home, is maybe having a snack as she hasnt eaten all day, and her SO shows his chest, expecting her to be instantly in the mood.

I think his intention was to relieve her stress and make it better. She didn't respond quickly...and he seemed to believe he can't turn her on...took it rather personally.

I told him, it just doesn't always work that way. I imagine most are like me, in that I couldn't just change gears that quickly. in certain circumstances I could, but not always.

what about you?

[jns]

I'm not really sure what most women find sexy in most men, so trying to find a sure fire formula is impossible, IMO. I would hazard a guess to say most of it isn't physical. Arousal upon seeing someone may be matching past actions to a particular person as opposed to finding specific physical attributes arousing. This is the person who is protective of me, who is supportive of me, who cares about me, who sees to my intimate desires, etc. Of course there seems to be some arousal possible due to genetic wired trait matching and socialization.

When I was in my late teens I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was also socially awkward. At that time I had a hard time catching the eye of any woman.

[amy40]

I think his intention was to relieve her stress and make it better.

sorry, misunderstood your first post

[Stillness]

Our emotional state is greatly influenced by our bodies. If you try to describe what fear, joy, or any emotions, you'll inevitably talk about physical sensation. Our mind triggers physical responses and the physical responses feed back into the mind. It's a loop.

There was a study a while back that showed that women's bodies sustain the physical response longer than men's. That means that they don't switch emotional states as quickly. Men who spend enough time with women will probably be familiar with their negative moods lingering longer than his own. Once I understood that there was a natural reason for it, it helped me to deal with it.

[muffin70]

my wife and I are completely different when it comes to instant arousal
if I take my clothes off Mrs Muffin will probably say something like "aren't you cold"?
if she takes her clothes off and pushes her boobs together I am instantly turned on
Mrs muffin needs more to get aroused
Yesterday morning for example I was horny, but Mrs Muffin wasn't, so I masturbated myself in bed
she turned over to see me stroking myself and was instantly turned on and she got out of bed, took her nightie off and asked me to touch her.....

[Maximus]

Personally I have no expectations. I go back to the basics: excellent communication, positive atmosphere, i.e. stress free, make her feel loved, being generous in affection and tenderness. The rest comes or not, if it does not, at least we had quality time, not necessarily a sexual one.
As for her to be aroused by my physical appearance, honestly this has never crossed my mind.

[Ashlee T.]

If I am stressed, like really stressed, I'm usually not even connected to my arousal. In other words, becoming aroused isn't even on my mind. It would probably take some direct physical stimulation. It never means I don't find my man sexy, it just means my mind is occupied.

I think the same applies for many men really. It seems taboo for them to talk about, but I've experienced several boyfriends who had trouble with arousal when they were overly stressed or bothered by something.