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  • Rommi
    Junior Member
    • Jul 2017
    • 2

    Too sexually inexperienced

    My partner says I'm too sexually inexperienced and awkward for him. He's always pushing me into things I'm not comfortable with. It causes a lot of tension between us. I'm 31 but I don't have the experience that the other women he sees has. I don't like masturbating in front of him, not into swinging and threesomes. I hate watching porn. It all feels dirty and wrong to me. He is patient for the most part but sometimes he gets so angry with me. He tries to make me comfortable but I freeze up. Any advice would be useful.

    Thanks
  • jns
    Assistant Admin
    • Mar 2010
    • 8398

    It sounds like there is a mismatch between the two of you when it comes to sex. Doing new things sexually should always be at the pace that the learner is comfortable with and consents to. Personally, I believe that threesomes and swinging can be disastrous in relationships that are not super stable.

    Why are you with this particular guy? What about him are the reasons that you are with him?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment

    • Rommi
      Junior Member
      • Jul 2017
      • 2

      He very sweet and affectionate. We have a lot of interests that aren't sexual in nature.

      Comment

      • jns
        Assistant Admin
        • Mar 2010
        • 8398

        Originally posted by Rommi
        He very sweet and affectionate. We have a lot of interests that aren't sexual in nature.
        Will you be able to live with him pressuring you to follow his fantasies? Will he be able to live without you going along with his fantasies?
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment

        • WaveRider
          Veteran Member
          • Mar 2017
          • 701

          Originally posted by jns
          It sounds like there is a mismatch between the two of you when it comes to sex. Doing new things sexually should always be at the pace that the learner is comfortable with and consents to. Personally, I believe that threesomes and swinging can be disastrous in relationships that are not super stable.

          Why are you with this particular guy? What about him are the reasons that you are with him?
          I agres 1 million percent.

          Comment

          • amy40
            Veteran Member
            • Nov 2016
            • 2732

            Originally posted by Rommi
            sometimes he gets so angry with me.
            The anger would bother me.

            Comment

            • checkers
              Member
              • Jun 2017
              • 22

              Sounds like you are not a good match sexually. There is nothing wrong with you not liking those things (I don't either), but there is nothing wrong with him having certain preferences. Where I see issue is you feeling pressured to what HE likes. It needs to be give and take and if there are hard NOs, those must be respected and move onto someone more compatible.

              Comment

              • WaveRider
                Veteran Member
                • Mar 2017
                • 701

                Sexual incompatibility causes dysfunctional relationships. I've written a lot of my g/f's extreme sexual incompatibility in her marriage that was a cause of her divorce. She was sexually experienced. He thought great sex was mounting her, getting off, and rolling off of her.

                Comment

                • WaveRider
                  Veteran Member
                  • Mar 2017
                  • 701

                  Originally posted by amy40

                  The anger would bother me.
                  I agree with this 1 million percent.

                  There should be no anger involved. There should be open, honest communication.

                  In all new relationships, there should come a point (sooner the better) where couples discuss what they like and don't like between sheets. There should be no judgments.

                  For some reason, some men seem to be afraid to discuss sex with their wives/girlfriends. Men would be surprised what their wives/girlfriends would say if they asked and their trusted their husbands/boyfriends. Many women are extremely sexually adventurous. Remember: no judgments.

                  Comment

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