[SxyRN]

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting to this forum. I need advice on an issue. I have been in a relationship now for the past 3 years. Sex is good but for the last year or so it's been really hard for me to get aroused and in the mood. We started trying out new stuff and it's not that I don't want to do it- it's that I can't get wet enough.
A few months ago I went on a volunteer mission and fooled around with another volunteer. I can't believe how turned on I was by him!!
All I keep thinking now it why can't my boyfriend do that for me? Is the spark gone? Is this normal or abnormal?

HELP!!

[miffed23]

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting to this forum. I need advice on an issue. I have been in a relationship now for the past 3 years. Sex is good but for the last year or so it's been really hard for me to get aroused and in the mood. We started trying out new stuff and it's not that I don't want to do it- it's that I can't get wet enough.
A few months ago I went on a volunteer mission and fooled around with another volunteer. I can't believe how turned on I was by him!!
All I keep thinking now it why can't my boyfriend do that for me? Is the spark gone? Is this normal or abnormal?

HELP!!

Oh, its normal honey. This volunteer was exciting, new, different..... your partner of 3 years, as amazing as he is, isnt new, exciting or different. As far as i can tell, youre just a woman with sexual energy that your partner cant quite tap into. Its nothing he is doing wrong, its just something he isnt quite doing.

I realise this might not be the advice you are looking for, and im ready for the critisim that might flow from others, but im a firm believer..that if you are starting to look elsewhere or have looked elsewhere, then maybe you need to move on....

Obviously, if things can be solved with you and your partner, then go for it. How old are you if you dont mind me asking? As for solving things, try lubricants...get him to do to you whatever this volunteer did.... and above all, relax. It can become a vicious circle, if you thinking "i cant get wet enough"

FYI - im not normally this negative honest

[SxyRN]

I'm 27.... I don't think your being negative! I appreciate the honesty. I just think the reason I have the whole situation stuck in my head is because I didn't go on the volunteer mission looking for action. It was very spontaneous and unexpected so I definitely think that's part of it. I love my boyfriend very much- I don't see myself being with anyone else- especially this other guy. We do use lube and all- i think mostly it's all in my head!

[miffed23]

That makes sense, it wasnt meant to happen...hence why it was so exciting? I really want to drum home, there is absolutely nothing abnormal about your situation. Im glad youve said that you love your boyfriend very much, as this means you can work things out.

In my opinion, its more than natural to get into a routine with a partner if you both let it get that way.... Right, so...how do you get that feeling back? The kinda feeling you had with the volunteer? Thats where i might not be useful, most people on here log on later...so hopefully theyll be able to offer better advice...but heres my 2 cents....

'Arrange' an evening where you both accidently bump into each other, as strangers, now, before hand, discuss where youre meeting but let that be it, as soon as you see each other, take on a completely different role...me-i was a lawyer in a top firm sat in a hotel bar, he offered me a drink, i said yes, he was a pyschotherapist, dressed in a suit, away on business....i had a room booked upstairs, i totally seduced him (which turned me on, as it was complete role reversal) he let me take over...after all, i was the lawyer

Be someone whom you wouldnt ever dream of being, let yourself go. If it helps, have a few vodka before hand

This worked a treat for me. Best of luck. Im sorry i cant offer any other advice....

[C]

Add some hot things to it...Go out with him without panties on....Let him know it...Do something hot when you go out, like putting some rosy glow on your nipples and go bra less...Turn yourself on sexually, don't make him do all the work.....Think of what a hot stud that he is and tell him....Little hot dirty talking at dinner and sitting close enough to him for his putting his hand up your leg and fingering you and finding you juicy....These things can get a woman hot and set a man on fire...

It is so nice hiding behind this computer with nobody knowing me...My kids would stroke out.....If they only knew ......Ah, all these hot joy of love....Take care, Caroline

[Uneeklyme]

great advice miffed.

Its human nature to be attracted to and turned on by new shiney (the mission guy) Its exciting to know we are attractive and desired by someone else. Its flattering. One thing im curious about though... does your boyfriend know you fooled around with this other guy? I personally am all for the new shiney boost if all parties involved are aware. I understand you love your boyfriend very much but again, sex does not equate to love. However, sex is a huge part of a relationship.

Judging from your handle... a nurse?

At any rate, our bodies have those times they are just hormonally challenged. Lubricants help for those times. Switching it up... different times of days, foreplay starting in the morning and teasing all day, maybe some toys could help spice things up, do it on the kitchen table, role play?

You say it could all be in your head? The mind is the biggest sex organ. Examine what might be disconnecting your genitals from your brain? Talk with your boyfriend, maybe he has some ideas. He may not even know your feeling like this. Most times the other parties dont. Cant fix what we dont know about.

[SxyRN]

I could never tell him! He would be crushed! Besides it was completely a fling. This guy has tried to contact me since we've been back and I've shyed away- i'm not gonna get involved in that.
I think I just need to tell him that I need more time and we need more foreplay and stuff- he's very attentive- I also think I need to get over the guily I'm feeling- that's a huge part to. I feel guilty that I had great sex with someone else behind my boyfriends back. Time will heal that I guess- and of course telling random strangers about it!
Thanks so much to everyone for their advice-- and anymore out there would also be greatly appreciated!

[Uneeklyme]

I could never tell him! He would be crushed! Besides it was completely a fling. This guy has tried to contact me since we've been back and I've shyed away- i'm not gonna get involved in that.
I think I just need to tell him that I need more time and we need more foreplay and stuff- he's very attentive- I also think I need to get over the guily I'm feeling- that's a huge part to. I feel guilty that I had great sex with someone else behind my boyfriends back.

Oh my... I think you have much bigger issues than not being wet enough for sex.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Agreed unfortunately, you can't tell your boyfriend not unless you don't want one. You'll have to wear this one on your own. But i think Uneeklyme was saying discuss the sexual problem with him... And, of course he's tried to contact you, he wants more, he's thinking with his um......

I think all relationships go stale at some point. The key is to get it back where it was at the beginning and try to keep it there.

The "fling" was what you were desiring inside, lusting after adventure, spontenatity, excitement, not just routine sex with intimacy but to feel like a "woman" not a sexual partner.

So, that be the case, you need to create simular things in your sexual relationship to what you experienced with the man you love, it will be given back 10 fold trust me, he'll be so excited and you'll dream of him every night..... wanting more.......

I don't think it's about more oral, more foreplay that will come and take over anyway, it's about more adventure, as if you were single but with a loving partner that you trust, all the lusty movie stuff, the oral and foreplay will come into that as well.

Take him out for a drive in a dress and just park and have him hold you against a tree and do oral on each other and go the mile...... type of stuff.

CW

[Uneeklyme]

Agreed unfortunately, you can't tell your boyfriend not unless you don't want one. You'll have to wear this one on your own. But i think Uneeklyme was saying discuss the sexual problem with him... And, of course he's tried to contact you, he wants more, he's thinking with his um......

I think all relationships go stale at some point. The key is to get it back where it was at the beginning and try to keep it there.

The "fling" was what you were desiring inside, lusting after adventure, spontenatity, excitement, not just routine sex with intimacy but to feel like a "woman" not a sexual partner.

So, that be the case, you need to create simular things in your sexual relationship to what you experienced with the man you love, it will be given back 10 fold trust me, he'll be so excited and you'll dream of him every night..... wanting more.......

I don't think it's about more oral, more foreplay that will come and take over anyway, it's about more adventure, as if you were single but with a loving partner that you trust, all the lusty movie stuff, the oral and foreplay will come into that as well.

Take him out for a drive in a dress and just park and have him hold you against a tree and do oral on each other and go the mile...... type of stuff.

CW

oops, yes, this is what I meant as far as the issue of sex with the boyfriend.

As far as you cheating on him, thats your burden to bare... and his and in a round about way. I did mean you have much bigger issues than just being dry during sex if you cheated on him and plan to continue deceiving him in the name of love.