[CHANDLERS WISH]

oops, yes, this is what I meant as far as the issue of sex with the boyfriend.

As far as you cheating on him, thats your burden to bare... and his and in a round about way. I did mean you have much bigger issues than just being dry during sex if you cheated on him and plan to continue deceiving him in the name of love.

Yeah, but..... that's a lie she has to live with for the rest of her life and not a nice one at that...

Personally, something like that comes back to bite you in the bum one day, it doesn't fade in the distance, go away, it's there...

This "affair" person, has to give up as well contacting, or the fear will drive her crazy.

Sure, i wouldn't want to have that on my mind and i think i'd walk frankly because i couldn't live with it personally.. But i can't tell the threader what she did was wrong and not telling his is wrong because it's not my call.

I would imagine however, that if she can't get that adventure with him now, then it's going to end anyway....

Hard call there.... Very.....

CW

[C]

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting to this forum. I need advice on an issue. I have been in a relationship now for the past 3 years. Sex is good but for the last year or so it's been really hard for me to get aroused and in the mood. We started trying out new stuff and it's not that I don't want to do it- it's that I can't get wet enough.
A few months ago I went on a volunteer mission and fooled around with another volunteer. I can't believe how turned on I was by him!!
All I keep thinking now it why can't my boyfriend do that for me? Is the spark gone? Is this normal or abnormal?

HELP!!

You are living with guilt. I know, I lived with the same guilt. Just before I was engaged, I started an affair with an older man. My boss. I enjoyed it yet I adored my husband to be...It was the excitement of that happening, that I loved to think about and enjoyed that confused me more than anything else in my life...I married and still this haunted me. Not that I did not love my husband, but that I had done what I had done with this other man. To tell you that it will go away just like that, is not true and I can't....But I can say that the pleasures that you and your man have will return, and it is up to you to release that guilt that you feel from within and again find yourself. Stay away from any calls from that other fellow. You do not care for him and if this is your true feelings, he will just be a reminder of something that happened that should not have happened....Only being able to do this could I go forward and turn into the woman that I am now.

I would sugggest that you never tell your man what has happened...I have kept this secret hidden from my husband for all these years, and I will die with it....He would be hurt as he trusted me.......And I know from living, that it was bad enough for just me, living with the hurt I had caused, rather than include him in this.......Much love, Caroline

[FionaDiaz]

I know I'll probably get burned for this... but if there is absolutely no way possible that your boyfriend could ever find out about the affair (which means that even you can never tell him, even after y'all are married for 20years!), then I don't think you should ever tell him.

It sounds as though you have learned your lesson and never will cheat again (hopefully) so telling him will only hurt him, keep him from trusting you fully and possibly cause the end of your relationship.

You now need to figure out how to get over the guilt, or leave your boyfriend and find someone new.

Maybe even take a break from your man for awhile?

Or you can take a break on sex, that's what I've always done during dry spells... I'd never allow myself to have sex no matter how horny I got... soon my lovers had to find new ways to excite me to get me in bed with them. It was fun, interesting and really helps.

...Or you can masturbate before sex... I usually bring myself to an orgasm (which makes me pretty wet). Everyone is different, but many women find that the second orgasm comes quicker, harder and easier after the first, so maybe if you masterbate first your orgasms will come quicker and harder! ...and you will likely stay wet!

[Uneeklyme]

I know I'll probably get burned for this... but if there is absolutely no way possible that your boyfriend could ever find out about the affair (which means that even you can never tell him, even after y'all are married for 20years!), then I don't think you should ever tell him.

It sounds as though you have learned your lesson and never will cheat again (hopefully) so telling him will only hurt him, keep him from trusting you fully and possibly cause the end of your relationship.

You now need to figure out how to get over the guilt, or leave your boyfriend and find someone new.

Maybe even take a break from your man for awhile?

Or you can take a break on sex, that's what I've always done during dry spells... I'd never allow myself to have sex no matter how horny I got... soon my lovers had to find new ways to excite me to get me in bed with them. It was fun, interesting and really helps.

...Or you can masturbate before sex... I usually bring myself to an orgasm (which makes me pretty wet). Everyone is different, but many women find that the second orgasm comes quicker, harder and easier after the first, so maybe if you masterbate first your orgasms will come quicker and harder! ...and you will likely stay wet!

or figure since you got away with it once and there is another slump in the bedroom with the boyfriend...

I am not saying you should tell your boyfriend you cheated, thats something you will have to decide and live with. I get more fear of getting found out from your words than guilt. As all these ladies have said, it could be the guilt thats interfering with your sex life with your love.

[C]

or figure since you got away with it once and there is another slump in the bedroom with the boyfriend...

I am not saying you should tell your boyfriend you cheated, thats something you will have to decide and live with. I get more fear of getting found out from your words than guilt. As all these ladies have said, it could be the guilt thats interfering with your sex life with your love.

If she feels like I did, I didn't feel like we cheated. I did not love him.. With her I believe it was just the wonderful discovery of hot sexual arousal and something passionate that got away. Maybe a few drinks and the wonderful pleasures that should not have been, seem so right and you enjoy them..You find that you cannot stop and you don't want them to stop, so you let them roll. You enjoy what has been and still at this time in life, you look back at this experience in your life and smile...For this is now you and a part of your past and a new finding of the woman inside of you...You see, sometimes something so wrong can feel so good that it feels right at the time, and the pleasures of the flesh are weak.....

Her sin was not as bad as mine but what happened, happened and telling your lover would not help the guilt complex. Nor would I do this after all these years. It is something that we have done that we must live with for why tell our secret to unburden our guilt and make another person feel bad.

There are many ways for her to find herself again and she knows this...Now it is up to her to dig down deep and find them.....That is unless he is not the man for her and she is unsure.....This is something that only she can speak about....

Just my thoughts....TC, C

[CHANDLERS WISH]

FionaDiaz
I know I'll probably get burned for this... but if there is absolutely no way possible that your boyfriend could ever find out about the affair (which means that even you can never tell him, even after y'all are married for 20years!), then I don't think you should ever tell him.

Your burnt - at the stake - ok!!! Geepers, your husband told you right? lol.

Look i see that she is not married. Marriage to me is different. We all make silly mistakes to try to ascertain what we are trying to find in life. So, that's okay. I can live with trying to forget that.

So, i do agree in my own little way there.... "she is not married"...

More importantly to your post - Guilt. How to over come that.... You felt neglected, you were confused, you are young, you made a ******, ****** mistake and you've learnt from it? Yes?

Uneeklyme
or figure since you got away with it once and there is another slump in the bedroom with the boyfriend...

Think like that and you'll grow an old maid as each man finds out........

Caroline
There are many ways for her to find herself again and she knows this...Now it is up to her to dig down deep and find them.....

Then also ask her to read your thread where you confirmed that it has eaten at you for years, and you would not be in the sexual place you are at now, if you didn't let go, some many years after.

Not going there again... But you admitted it has taken you years, to give after "not regretting" what you did without telling him.

I have always said, "let it go" don't do it again, forgive, acknowledge and move on.... i am sure of that, as i sit here typing...

So, good advice there, absoultely.... don't be proud love... But don't be dissing yourself either.. Things were missing and you got caught like lots of women do... You needed and you took...

Move on, learn from it, don't do it again, don't think that you can get away with it again...

And, don't hold it in... Let it go...

CW

[TheTickledHousewife]

It's happens to all of us! I truely believe you do love him...but those dang tingles just seem to disappear...I know what you mean...stinks doesn't it! I've been with my DH for almost 13 years so those "butterflies" don't really seem to show up too often anymore

I have a whole bunch of suggested that have been tested! Try more foreplay, introduce or buy some new toys, try role playing. Try anything new that will add some spice or newness to the whole sexual experience! Be daring...that's what you were doing on the mission right? So be daring with your boyfriend!

I would also recommend a good lube! Try a silicone based one, they are the best! They last twice as long as water based ones and don't contain glycerin, so they aren't sticky. You can go FOREVER with a silicone lube...I'm not kidding!

Also, try a heighter that is specifically for women. Try one that has L-Arginine in it. Heightening creams/gels work by increasing blood flow to the vaginal area. Thus, creating that full sensation you probably felt with the mission guy. Heighteners give some women icey or hot sensations when applied because they contain menthol. You just rub the cream or gel directly on the clitoris before sex and you're ready to go! Using a heightener can also cause multiple orgams because your sensitivity is increased...just a side benefit!

Don't feel bad...really, you aren't alone and it doesn't mean you love your boyfriend any less!

[C]

CW: This did eat at me for years because I would see him at church on Sunday's with his wife. This helped refresh any embarrassing memory of a happening that you have. I was young and it did take me a long time to both let this go and learn to be a sexual woman. This is not an overnight lesson. As wise as you think you are now my dear, you will still be more wise. You will learn more about your sexual self as you age. That is only if you let yourself go and realize that there is more about life to learn and more woman inside you that you have not yet let loose....Either that or I have been traveling at some warp speed in the last three years and have found a special place in outer space....But I doubt this...I believe I am all women that has developed a knowledge of what we can all be.

Honey, I can never regret my yesterday and that affair...I don't like it but it is my life. It happened because it was supposed to happen...Maybe the God's had this dictated out in my original scroll in who I was going to be....Either way it was an experience that I was supposed to have and be able to write about to understand more the life of women and the experiences that they would all have in life. I look at it now as my gift. I not only know cheating but I know of how another woman tried to take my husband. I do not encourage adultery but I accept my learnings on life and still I look back at that young woman who I was and smile at the st*pidity I showed in giving myself to him....

As for me I don't have to move on but I must be able to bring this forward and let other women know that they are not alone. That sometimes things happen and a memory of a hot affair with a stranger can happen and this memory can be delicious to bring back. It can be erotic because the whole scene was hot and sensual. Not everyone has happen what happened to her. Sure it is not what she wanted to happen or is it? This she struggles with in her own mind....But she must learn to live with it as I have lived with mine. I have no doubt that my husband would accept this with no reservations but why at this point in life bring it up....

Now to tell you the truth I am going to close this particular post and have no idea of what the original subject was....Ah, getting wet....

[miffed23]

It's happens to all of us! I truely believe you do love him...but those dang tingles just seem to disappear...I know what you mean...stinks doesn't it! I've been with my DH for almost 13 years so those "butterflies" don't really seem to show up too often anymore

I have a whole bunch of suggested that have been tested! Try more foreplay, introduce or buy some new toys, try role playing. Try anything new that will add some spice or newness to the whole sexual experience! Be daring...that's what you were doing on the mission right? So be daring with your boyfriend!

I would also recommend a good lube! Try a silicone based one, they are the best! They last twice as long as water based ones and don't contain glycerin, so they aren't sticky. You can go FOREVER with a silicone lube...I'm not kidding!

Also, try a heighter that is specifically for women. Try one that has L-Arginine in it. Heightening creams/gels work by increasing blood flow to the vaginal area. Thus, creating that full sensation you probably felt with the mission guy. Heighteners give some women icey or hot sensations when applied because they contain menthol. You just rub the cream or gel directly on the clitoris before sex and you're ready to go! Using a heightener can also cause multiple orgams because your sensitivity is increased...just a side benefit!

Don't feel bad...really, you aren't alone and it doesn't mean you love your boyfriend any less!

Great advice! Im getting some of that silicone lube

[C]

OK, I'll say what others are only thinking.....

****!

There, that was for all the guys on this forum...

Did you just call me a ****??????