This might get a bit TMI, but hey, this is a forum about sex so whaddya expect?
Hi everyone. I never thought I'd post about something so personal, but I'm not sure what else to do.
I'm 21 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for almost a year. Our relationship is great and I love him to bits. We get along wonderfully and he treats me brilliantly. There's only one thing that I can complain/worry about....
My boyfriend has never been able to finish inside me during sex. Never. He can come just fine from handjobs and oral, but not from full sex. Every time we have sex I have to finish him off with my hand or mouth, otherwise we'll be at it for literally hours. One time we tried for TWO HOURS and I still had to use my hand to finish him off! I know some girls would love to have a guy that lasted so long, but it's starting to get me down and negatively affect my confidence. A couple of times he's even gone soft inside me, and that of course devastated me. Does he find me and my body that unattractive? Am I that bad in bed? A couple of times I've even gotten upset and straight up asked him if it's me.
He assures me that it isn't me, that he DOES find me very attractive (and he does compliment me and my body a lot, both in and out of bed), and he loves touching me and does find sex enjoyable, but he still can't come! He says he does get 'close', but for whatever reason can't seem to quite get there. He admits that it takes him a fair while to finish when masturbating too, and he comes quicker when I do it. But PIV sex is different. He does watch porn, but no more than the average guy, as far as I'm aware.
What could it be? I'm beginning to think it may be performance anxiety. We are both quite inexperienced sexually (we lost our virginities to each other just a few months ago) and he admits he often worries about wether it feels good for me (which it most assuredly does ) and wether he's doing it right. Which again, he most assuredly is.
I also suspect he is depressed/suffering from anxiety. He was physically and psychologically abused by his father as a kid and still suffers from flashbacks of his dad choking and punching him. Thankfully his dad is no longer in his life, but the scars of his abuse still linger. He is only just now going to see a doctor at my insistence after years of suffering in silence. He is a typical man in the respect that he kept refusing to see a doctor, and it was only after he broke down in tears in my arms a few weeks ago and had a panic attack after yet another flashback that he agreed he should seek help. His mother is, unfortunately, quite cold and uncaring (when he told her he may be depressed she told him 'to deal with it'...) whilst also relying on him very heavily for financial support. He HATES living with her. However, he is moving out of his mother's house into his own place next week, so hopefully that will relieve some of the anxiety.
Like I said, our relationship is perfect aside from this one issue. He is a great guy and I love him to bits. Plus, even though there is this one issue, our sex life is actually quite good despite it. He is, um, very good with his hands and is a selfless and caring lover, and again he assures me that he enjoys sex and so do I, it's just that he can't seem to finish the job and I do worry that it's me! Is he not as attracted to me as he claims? Am I rubbish in bed? Or is it his anxiety that's getting in the way? How could we go about tackling this issue?
Argh, I'm so confused. Any advice would be appreciated!
Cheers ❤
Hi everyone. I never thought I'd post about something so personal, but I'm not sure what else to do.
I'm 21 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for almost a year. Our relationship is great and I love him to bits. We get along wonderfully and he treats me brilliantly. There's only one thing that I can complain/worry about....
My boyfriend has never been able to finish inside me during sex. Never. He can come just fine from handjobs and oral, but not from full sex. Every time we have sex I have to finish him off with my hand or mouth, otherwise we'll be at it for literally hours. One time we tried for TWO HOURS and I still had to use my hand to finish him off! I know some girls would love to have a guy that lasted so long, but it's starting to get me down and negatively affect my confidence. A couple of times he's even gone soft inside me, and that of course devastated me. Does he find me and my body that unattractive? Am I that bad in bed? A couple of times I've even gotten upset and straight up asked him if it's me.
He assures me that it isn't me, that he DOES find me very attractive (and he does compliment me and my body a lot, both in and out of bed), and he loves touching me and does find sex enjoyable, but he still can't come! He says he does get 'close', but for whatever reason can't seem to quite get there. He admits that it takes him a fair while to finish when masturbating too, and he comes quicker when I do it. But PIV sex is different. He does watch porn, but no more than the average guy, as far as I'm aware.
What could it be? I'm beginning to think it may be performance anxiety. We are both quite inexperienced sexually (we lost our virginities to each other just a few months ago) and he admits he often worries about wether it feels good for me (which it most assuredly does ) and wether he's doing it right. Which again, he most assuredly is.
I also suspect he is depressed/suffering from anxiety. He was physically and psychologically abused by his father as a kid and still suffers from flashbacks of his dad choking and punching him. Thankfully his dad is no longer in his life, but the scars of his abuse still linger. He is only just now going to see a doctor at my insistence after years of suffering in silence. He is a typical man in the respect that he kept refusing to see a doctor, and it was only after he broke down in tears in my arms a few weeks ago and had a panic attack after yet another flashback that he agreed he should seek help. His mother is, unfortunately, quite cold and uncaring (when he told her he may be depressed she told him 'to deal with it'...) whilst also relying on him very heavily for financial support. He HATES living with her. However, he is moving out of his mother's house into his own place next week, so hopefully that will relieve some of the anxiety.
Like I said, our relationship is perfect aside from this one issue. He is a great guy and I love him to bits. Plus, even though there is this one issue, our sex life is actually quite good despite it. He is, um, very good with his hands and is a selfless and caring lover, and again he assures me that he enjoys sex and so do I, it's just that he can't seem to finish the job and I do worry that it's me! Is he not as attracted to me as he claims? Am I rubbish in bed? Or is it his anxiety that's getting in the way? How could we go about tackling this issue?
Argh, I'm so confused. Any advice would be appreciated!
Cheers ❤
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