[NiteOwl]

My gf is a full body to body sensual massage therapist. Both her and her client are fully nude, she uses her oiled body to massage his body, and she finishes him with a happy ending.
I've asked her for a massage and she has declined to give me one.
The reason I want to experience the massage myself, is so I won't make up so many stories of what exactly she does.
I need to know as I HAVE TO know for my own sanity as what you can imagine is usually much worse.
So she'll rub these guys down and jerk them off, but not for her own boyfriend???
Her reasoning is that if I experience what she does to men in our house, that I'll get jealous and be irrational.
SO, I am going to approach her to see how she feels about me going and getting my own full body sensual massage so I can get some idea from an unbiased massage giver just what could be happening in my own home.
She says her sessions are just work, no sexual or emotional attachment to the client.
If that's the case, she should be cool with me scheduling a session.
Am I being unreasonable?
Am I unfairly putting her in an awkward position to have to say "no" to my request?
Any guidance will be very welcomed!

[jns]

When I looked up full body sensual massage on Google, I got an idea of what is involved after reading several hits. The question is are you able to handle a relationship with a lady who does this for a living? If not, you should look elsewhere. Is her position that if you know what she really does, you will be jealous and irrational? Are all her clients jealous and irrational? Or does that only happen to someone who would love her? Could you schedule a session with someone else or would she say no? Is she trying to save you from yourself? She sounds controlling.

[Stillness]

One of the things I've learned is that some people are fine with open relationships and even their mate being a prostitute. Some of them even encourage and get involved with their business. Others can't understand it...or we think we can, but really can't handle it. You sound like the latter.

I don't think your feelings are unreasonable. I think you might be unreasonable with yourself in expecting that you're going to be something not in your nature. It's especially the case when she's not being open with you about her activities. No attachment? I get attached to the people I work with and all I do is shake their hands.

[atskitty2]

Not compatible, is what first comes to mind when reading your post. How long have you been together and how early on did you learn of her profession?

Does it really matter what you imagine vs what she is actually doing? It seems like you're not ok with her profession, regardless of how involved her massages get. Even if it's the least sexual of these massages, would you be ok with that?

I think you're trying to make a way for yourself to be ok with this, to convince yourself it's ok, and you're really just not ok with it.
That's my dime store psych evaluation

If you have that boundary, there's nothing wrong with that. You have personal values and expectations that you have to be comfortable with, in a partner as well as yourself.

I think getting a massage from her won't allay the fears, as you'll just wonder if she does more with clients. Getting your own from someone else, still won't help, as it's not going to quell the wondering about what SHE does, in your own home.

My sense is that you feel this is a violation of your relationship. There really isn't much to stop that other than her quitting her job, and that's an unfair request.

I'm sorry, I wish I had a better summation but I don't see this any other way really. You're not unreasonable. Neither is she. It just doesn't fit.

[Ashlee T.]

Did you know this is what she does for a living when you got into the relationship with her?

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know what all is done in the massages and I also don't think it would be unreasonable to schedule one (but I would purposely schedule with someone other than her). What is "good for the goose is good for the gander", so to speak. Sorry, but the whole massaging his body with her oiled up body and then giving him a hand job is an insult to the true massage industry and seems purely a sexual act. Basically, these guys come in, get relaxed and turned on from an oily naked woman rubbing on them and then get a hand job. Nah...there is no way on the planet I'd be cool with that. However, I would not begin dating someone who had that profession.

I think if you get one of these massages all it is going to do is fuel this fire. It's going to seem exciting, pleasurable, sexual, and you'll enjoy it......and then once it's over you'll be sickened by the thought of her doing this to dudes all day.

[NiteOwl]

Hey all,
thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

We've been seeing each other for only 5 months. About 1-2 months in she dropped the bomb about her "career" choice. At the time I was thinking "I'm good with this" since I had no plans of getting emotionally attached to her.
but after a couple more months we became incredibly close.

She also has revealed that a few years ago she was an Escort for a year and a half, as well as living a poly lifestyle for awhile, been involved in a sex party group called Nectar, and lastly in her last LTR, the relationship was a triad for part of the time.

Needless to say, she is very sex positive.

We'll see where this goes.
She just literally texted me saying she has a session scheduled for tonight, again, the uncomfortable feelings arise to the top.... oh well

[amy40]

what she does to men in our house

our house?

hope she has security
I went for a regular massage in someone's home and I asked if she was concerned for safety
she had a security call on her uniform

[Texasred]

So she'll rub these guys down and jerk them off, but not for her own boyfriend???
Her reasoning is that if I experience what she does to men in our house, that I'll get jealous and be irrational.

Oops, too late for that concern!

Seriously, though: if you're interested, why don't you ask her for a referral, and make an appointment of your own for a massage from someone else? Then you'll know what it's like.
And if the knowledge then is too much for you, well, you're hardly any worse off than you are now, right?

[Campbelden]

It's all so confusing and stupid. If you already know that your girlfriend does this kind of massage and the fact that she also refuses to give it to you "for your own good" is doubly offensive.