[amy40]

I wouldn't go that far,.

why not?

there's no harm in a married women having sex even if not in the mood
I'm happy when husband has an orgasm and it's good for men's health plus the oxytocin is bonding

[jns]

Women can be not in the mood from time to time. It's their right. Just realize actions have consequences. Work on being in the mood and receptive. Men should work on making sure the woman has a good time, too.

[amy40]

Women can be not in the mood from time to time. It's their right. .

I still remember turning down husband years ago, when he still initiated once in a blue moon
we were at a hotel where sex is always great

wish that I had just said "I am so ticked off at you right now, but ok let's just do it"
I do regret turning him down

that advice was for Jacqueline ONLY as her husband rarely initiates so why turn him down

[Stillness]

Anyway, yesterday it happened again and feel like I've had it.

What is the "it" that happens? You never say. Is he rejecting you? Is he trying but failing to perform, then just giving up?

I have to agree with Amy on the rejection. We don't say "no." It's especially critical if you have the higher libido. You're shooting yourself in the foot to reject the low libido spouse when they do come around for action. Why discourage them AND make it okay to turn you down later?

The thing that helped us was a lot of discussion.

[jacquelinemelo91]

I know you say he is somewhat of a prude, but would he be OK with a situation where he did not have to finish or start, such as giving you oral sex? You could guide him about what you like. It could be a situation that starts slow. Later, if he is ready, it could progress to piv sex. It may help him rebuild his confidence in sexual intercourse. Loss of confidence in being able to perform builds on itself each time that sex doesn't work until a guy no longer wants to even try. Try something slow and without expectations to rebuild his confidence. It will be an ongoing struggle since the stress from work and his unresolved issues will continue to chip away his confidence. He may also be happy to let you lead since it will be one less thing for him to worry about. Best wishes.

That's a great idea! Doing that may also help us to become intimate in a less threatening way as well... Thanks again for taking the time to reply again

[jacquelinemelo91]

What is the "it" that happens? You never say. Is he rejecting you? Is he trying but failing to perform, then just giving up?

"It" is another failed attempt. In this specific case, he felt pressured and wasn't able to perform.

[jacquelinemelo91]

does he masturbate? because if he does, there's no reason you two can't have sex

don't want to seduce him? why not, he's your husband, you're allowed to entice him

I don't want to seduce him because I want to look after myself for once! This whole problem has brought me trauma as well...

[jacquelinemelo91]

you asked for advice so giving it

don't ever turn him down even if you're not in the mood, just "do it"
one can't always wait for a mood

Tried it, didn't work. I'm not a faker and he said he doesn't like seeing that I'm not into it.

[amy40]

Tried it, didn't work. I'm not a faker and he said he doesn't like seeing that I'm not into it.

I have done it with husband when haven't "felt" like it, been too tired from work, etc
whether or not BOTH are into it doesn't really matter when you're married, does it?

sometimes you both are into it and sometimes not
I've said to husband before "I want you to want me"
but that's not so easy for them to turn off work sometimes and vice versa
just "do it" when he wants you and sometimes it'll be good, sometimes great, and sometimes not so great, just the way it is when married

[amy40]

"It" is another failed attempt. In this specific case, he felt pressured and wasn't able to perform.

don't get discouraged; have you tried bringing porn into the bedroom at all?
pick out a little video (that is acceptable to you) , show it to him when he's having difficulty and see what happens

has he had his testosterone tested? if not, ask him to go to Dr
the penis is the dipstick of health and if it's not working, there are often health issues involved, which if not testosterone, could be heart related