[amy40]

know I could not live with myself if I cheated while married

[Who knows..]

Hi Amy

i cheated when together we were younger (early 20s) as I mentioned (not proud of it of course)

I haven't cheated since we got back together again (mid 30s) and now married even though circumstances are similar re our sex life.

[Texasred]

I've been down that "talk to her" path and my wife just purely didn't want to hear about. When we were first married - and she wanted to get pregnant - we had sex *all* the time. Now, not so much. The last time she gave me oral was before we had a kid, and he's a junior in college! For years we had sex at most once or twice a year. Now, and i think it's because she suspects (correctly, btw) that I had other lovers, we have sex much more often, but it usually feels like she's just performing a service for me. Like washing the dishes, but with less enthusiasm. So I continue to seek love, affection, and intimacy elsewhere, and the sex is much more satisfying, both physically and emotionally, with a woman I met online, I don't even know her last name or where she lives!

[amy40]

he's a junior in college!

Texasred
once read a post that you stayed married because of kid
now he's in college, so why are you still "unhappily" married?

[WaveRider]

Who knows..,

Communication is crucial. You won't know why she's doing herself when she ought to be doing you until she tells you. She probably won't tell you unless you ask her.

I'd guess that I was in my mid-20's when I learned that women will talk candidly about sex if they trust you. I was surprised at what women have told me, especially during alcohol induced inhibition reduction. Probably the most common theme among women then was that their boyfriends/husbands didn't know how to have excellent sex. Their boyfriends/husbands didn't know how to go down on them; they wanted rough sex, not tender love making.

Very recent research indicates that men and women cheat at close to equal percentage. I believe that this has always been true. The causality in the upward trend of cheating women has been determined to be honesty. Years ago, women wouldn't admit to cheating. Apparently they're now more candid. I personally know of many wives who have gone cheating.

I don't care how often my g/f, or any woman, masturbates as long as she takes care of me. My g/f has been getting herself off since she hit puberty. She loves receiving oral sex. I can go down on her six times inside a alf hour, bang her brains out, and she'll masturbate while resting.

Many years ago I read an article the gist of which was men shouldn't become nutted up over a woman he's doing if she were to masturbate during sex. Women know how to get themselves off better than anyone. So if a dude were banging a woman dog style and she were to begin massaging her clit, encourage her. My g/f just about floods the bed when I'm banging her dog style and I tell her to get herself off. But then again, like most women, she loves bedroom porn star dirty talk.

Sex with a g/f or wife is a bonding process. The rest is just sexual pleasure. I'm long past done with sex for action.

I do know that women should never, ever withhold sex as punishment. That will cause a man to get it from another woman. Men do not want to be punished. Ever. If women does so, it will probably come back to haunt them. A boy is punished, not a man. Moreover, a woman isn't balanced if she thinks she has to punish her b/f or husband.

A word to the wise, ladies: never try to punish your boyfriends or husbands, especially by withholding sex. It won't turn out well for you.

Another point: I watched a TV show about prostitutes. A huge reason married men will hire prostitutes is because their wives are prudes. I ain't in to anal sex. It's never been my thing. My g/f is. I'm not. It's never been a huge issue between us. If a dude really wants anal sex and his wife or g/f won't give it up or at least try it, what would you suppose he's gonna do? You'll know if he stops asking for it. He's getting it from another woman.

My g/f withheld sex from her first husband as punishment. That lasted a few times. Then he got it from prostitutes until he found a g/f. My g/f tried to win him back, He was done with her high school games. After she told me that story, I told her that she ought to have known better than to play games with sex. Here's the irony: she knew it at the time she was doing it that she shouldn't have done it. For some reason, she did it anyway. It cost her her marriage at a time that she didn't want to put it up for sale. Even more ironic, she had a higher sex drive than he did. She said she wanted sex all the time. She cut off her nose to spite her face.

[Texasred]

Texasred
once read a post that you stayed married because of kid
now he's in college, so why are you still "unhappily" married?

Inertia.
And the fact he still lives at home; if we split up, I'm not sure I'd get the ranch. Even though she has bought a house in New Orleans, in her name only...
I dunno, maybe I'm just lazy. That, and she might be a better shot than me.

[deep-evie]

see this could be about one or many reasons why she has opted to go dry, has your sex with her been fulfilling? from HER perspective?, only saying this because out of me and my female friends only about 25% of men we have been with have been able to please us fully to the extent we won't get bored of sex. I never like going this route cause it feels like im accusing you of not being good in bed, but self evaluation is very important in a relationship also, if you are literally amazing in bed (unless we have sex il take your word for it lol) then its 50-90% her end, but, if you have ANY lingering feeling that you could have gone harder or done better in the sex you USUALLY have with her, that may be the reason maybe she feels "im not getting off whats the point".

that could be a reason. i dont know im not there to see whats happening how she reacts to your advances, how she reacted in the bedroom the times you do have sex.

[Texasred]

That's a fair question and fairly expressed. I **think** I'm good in bed, but who doesn't?
On those occasions we do have sex, she always comes quickly, and usually more than once, sometimes more than twice, and on a few occasions, much more than twice. :-)
But once she's done, we're done...
So, she certainly seems to enjoy it, but just not at all often. And I have become a lot more direct in approaching her, since subtlety and romantic gestures don't seem to work.

[Who knows..]

*waverider

communication would be great but she doesn't like to talk about that sort of stuff. As I've said, softly approach. All types

How many blokes do we know who have the same issue - not enough sex for whatever reason. It's absolutely rife and happens the world over

its just one of those things isn't it. In my case, it seems she gets more pleasure from her vibrator. I get it and I understand it. So i understand it, but it still doesn't make ne feel very good at all. I feel rejected etc etc

All I'm saying is this. If other woman are not having sex wife their partner/husband, because they can't be bothered etc, just know that he might go elsewhere

[Texasred]

My wife certainly seems to enjoy sex, on occasion, but those "occasions" are far too rare. In a surprising moment of candor, recently, she admitted to feeling a strong need, but only about every 4 weeks. (I would have guessed either (a) No need, or (b) a much longer "need interval"). On those occasions, she will orgasm very quickly from "piv" sex - in 2 minutes or less via cowgirl, in 4 or 5 minutes at the most in the missionary position, in just a very few minutes from only having her nipples sucked, and in a matter of seconds from oral. So, in less than 10 minutes she's done, ready to go to sleep if its night, or jump up and get a cup of coffee if it's morning. While I've barely gotten started... There's very little of what you might call reciprocity here.
So, does that make me an exceptionally good lover, or is she just exceptionally responsive?
:-)
In summary, though: I have been fortunate enough to find other lovers for whom lovemaking is a mutual experience, one of shared giving and taking.
- TR