[a_dub]

My partner does.

What determines it? Well, lots of things. My mental state. I need to feel happy and relaxed. My physical state. If I'm cramping or feeling ovulation pain, it's difficult to achieve orgasm. As far as what he does, really it's just a matter of him being able to last long enough. If he has to stop and start every 5 seconds, I can't ever quite get there before he stops again. That's more of an issue when we are having sex less frequently though.

BD, you've mentioned your current BF is younger...have you noticed a difference in how long older men last vs younger? Do older men have an easier time lasting long enough? How long do you need to orgasm? And does the time from penetration to orgasm vary from one man to another?

[amy40]

I still want that but less and less..

am the opposite

[liam]

I had ED... I have been using generic Viagra from an online store for a year with no problem. Works just like heaven. I recommend doing it through VIAGRA 100MG has been a good brand for me.

[Sunlight72]

I was vague, so you didn't understand. She has more orgasms now and attributed that to her mind. I don't find that explanation compelling.

I read your whole post and am not disregarding it, but here is the part I think you're missing and your wife isn't quite saying directly.... (by the way, I personally think it's a little over the top how in the modern day a lot of us think people know and can voice their motivations/triggers. We have urges, we feel pleasure - it's not a mental exercise, and the experience is actually better for a lot of us if we do not specifically identify 'what' or 'why' something feels great)

I'm a man. I learned some time ago that for many women, foreplay for sex (next time) begins basically during the afterglow of having sex (this time).

So - following everyone's orgasm, what the man does begins warming the woman up for the next time. Holding her, telling her sweet truths (or lies I suppose) includes the man in her association of orgasm, good sex, and connection. Then, if he gets up out of bed, puts on his clothes and throws cold water on her by saying how much of a pain in the neck her mother or sister are, guess what? She's a little less warmed up for sex next time - already. During the rest of the day(s) until sex again, all the little touches, kisses, thoughtful or funny actions he takes are part of foreplay, keeping her warmed up to him .... or not.

By the time you are getting handsy together, and start removing clothes, if you've done well, she's been ready and eager for hours/days. Now- that build up primes her for good sex and good orgasms. Much, much more than your physical sex techniques or dimensions.

I think this is what your wife is saying to you.

So, what I say is - don't badger a woman to tell you what physical thing(s) turn her on (that questioning can be a turn off in itself, in that it erases the magic. She doesn't want to be a lego kit you are asking directions for. She wants to be a sprite, lifted unexpectedly by inexplicable magical velvet gloves on steel arms). Instead, realize that your interactions and actions outside the bedroom are important to a woman to get you into the bedroom the next time.

Naturally, not everyone is the same. Some women are truck drivers. But, think about this and see if it helps you understand what's going on. In my experience, I haven't found evidence against the concept.

Best Wishes.

[Stillness]

Sunlight72 interesting perspective. I've never thought of foreplay that way. It makes sense, though. Thanks.

With my wife, you've got to understand that we've been close over half our lives, even before we got romantically involved. And we've been together romantically over two decades. It's not like I'm obsessed with the functioning of her sex organs or discuss it every day, but the conversation is bound to come up when you've been together that long. Plus, I do think it's my job to understand what she feels and likes.

And, you're mistaken on what she was trying to say. She was saying she climaxes more because of her own mental control of her sexual experience. That conflicts with my perspective of our sex life. For what it's worth, I didn't contradict her much for the very reasons you're stating. It was a real chill, pleasant, intimate discussion. I'm trying to have sex, not debate her about it.

[atskitty2]

I'm glad you brought that up, sunshine.

I remember learning this concept many years ago, and how much the sexual dance starts way before any chance of it happening, tho I don't think they linked it back to post prior coitus.
I have so often forgotten this gem, in order to make conscious effort to do this. I think it's true of how we treat a man as well, though I've only ever heard it discussed for the benefit of women.

It's about respectful and caring, thoughtful treatment of each other, is what it boils down to, in my opinion. In and out of bed. Providing the needs of a partner, not just when it immediately benefits us.

[Texasred]

I'm with Sunlight: I've learned that the nomal progression is foreplay-sex-afterplay-foreplay...
By "afterplay" I mean holding, kissing, caressing - much the same sort of things you enjoy in foreplay, enjoying the intimacy. Creating a mood of enjoyment, the sort of mood that leads to wanting each other again.

The sort of stuff my wife never wants to do. When she's done, we're done.

[amy40]

I'm with Sunlight: I've learned that the nomal progression is foreplay-sex-afterplay-foreplay...;

everyone makes "it" sound so complicated

[WaveRider]

the sexual dance starts way before any chance of it happening, tho I don't think they linked it back to post prior coitus.


It's about respectful and caring, thoughtful treatment of each other, is what it boils down to, in my opinion. In and out of bed. Providing the needs of a partner, not just when it immediately benefits us.

I agree. Sex starts long before you're in bed. It starts when she gets in my car for an evening...or longer out. If she's really horny, she'll talk sex and reveal enough of herself to lure me into thoughts of intense passion.

I still see my ex-g/f, but it ain't the same. Anyway, a week ago she told me that when it gets warmer, she'll wear a skirt w/o underwear. I might take her up on that offer.

atskitty2 is right about respecting and chivalrous treatment of women. Even if it was a one-nighter, which I'll never again partake, I've always treated women with dignity and respect. I was good with making them bedroom porn stars, but when the sex was over, she was again a princess.

[WaveRider]

Lets look at the physiology of things, the vagina itself has no real sensitive nerve endings in it. The outer vulva area does, as does the clitoris so unless the penis is putting pressure on areas that have the nerves what would we (females) feel? We'd feel pressure, thrusting, depth if it hits the cervix but little else. If the male thrusts and also is able to stimulate the vulva or clitoris then we can more easily obtain orgasm. If the size of the penis is such that as the thrust is made, it pulls on the vulva, or the nerves of the clitoris then we'd have an easier as well. The famous G-spot orgasm is approximately where a bundle of nerves meet and lays somewhat approximate to where the clitoris is on the outside.

For me I'd have to be attracted and into my partner. Sometimes its, the duration, the pace the rhythm and or penis shape or size or all of these that will determine whether or not I'd orgasm. Sometimes it would depend upon events happening at work, things going on a home, whether or not I was keyed up, tired or just not really into it at that particular point in time.

Just my thoughts.

From my experience, Claret is 100% right. A woman's clit is not positioned for penetration stimulation except for a couple positions. I've yet to be with a woman who didn't prefer oral sex orgasms. I've been good for keeping my head between a woman's legs until she's done. My ex-g/f was good for 6 or more. But without variation, when she's done cuming, she wanted to be porn starred like a cheap screen door banging in a category 5 hurricane. However, to this day my policy is she cums first and a lot. I'm good for one, maybe two. So I have to conserve and use wisely.

Ask women what they want. Listen to them. If they're into dudes (g/f or wife) she'll tell them truth. Then give it to her just as she wants it. You'll be glad you did.

Caveat: never, ever judge a woman for what she might tell you. You might destroy what could be the relationship of your life.