[miffed23]

It has always been a wonder of mine....is it a shallow thing to do; to end things with a partner because theyre just not at your "sexual level"?

So, you love someone, youre completely comfortable with them, you trust them beyond your wildest dreams, they make you happy, you can see yourself having a future with them......yet they do not match you sexually....

What would you do?

Obviously, youve tried your dang hardest (a year ) to spice things up, no prevail.

Do you run? (me )

Or do you just stick around, happy...but not delirious?

Has anyone settled for Mr Safe / Trustworthy but not Mr Sexual / Fireball and theyre incredibly happy?

Can you have both? Are these men rare?

Anyone been in a similar situation? Cant decide whether they should settle with Mr Safe but be completely unhappy sexually? Men...vica versa, have you been torn between a fabulous, caring woman, but she just doesnt hit the spot sexually?

[C]

You cannot change someone's libido...What you see is what you will get...If anything, it will decrease with age.

I had two other proposals in life. One from a pre-med student and one a Russian Interpreter..Joe the Interpreter was hot and my husband never knew it but while he was in the Navy, he could have been a close second..But neither could measure up to my sailor...I married him...

For me it was the hot sexual feelings for him...We were both in heat constantly for each other....And honey we still are...More than we have ever been.....So you know my answer....

Much luck, Caroline

[C]

I do have to add that I adored him as I still do ...He was the cutest and neatest guy I had ever met...He was a hot jock with all the best moves in town...He treated me with respect until he stood me up....The only guy who ever did this and still I wanted him....I would have changed my religion for him....We were just plain twins......

When you marry or partner up with someone have the hottest feelings that you can ever have for him...You need this to make it work....Then at least once a week or so refresh those feelings...But honey, it must make you want to cry when he touches you....To this day he still turns me to mush and will until the day I die.....xox C

[Uneeklyme]

Tough question miffed but a great one.

If your both virgins when you marry you have that opportunity to grow into each other sexually. You get the chance (hopefully) to explore areas of sex and sexually compatability. No offense to the married virgins out there but how would we know any different without the expereinces of other encounters with other lovers. My experiences tell me that new is not neccesarily better, just different. I think all relationships develope sexually as we grow together but what to do if it just doesn't wow you? On the other hand, a FB can be incredible sex but there is just no emotional attachment.

I don't think we should compare our partners but lets face it. There are times when we think "oh, i miss that" or "didn't like it when he did..." or "that's amazing, why didn't ___ know about it..."

I personally think sex is very important in a relationship. No, not a deal breaker but pretty close. I don't think love=sex but I do think love enhances sex however does not make great sex. So so sex with a great guy might be incintive to stay but outright suck in the sack with a great guy... I think I would be tempted to move on. There are things we can do ourselves to balance a so so lover. It would be difficult to fill in the gaps with a suck in the sack partner. Physical satisfacion reflects outwardly in so many more areas of our lives than we normally stop to think about. I know for me personally, I sleep better, I wake happier, I smile more, I am nicer, able to relax easier, am calmer and more in tune with my surroundings and whats going on. When I am not getting it (fortunately for me I have a great lover) I am cranky, snappy, short tempered and distracted. I am not a nice person to be around. When I am satisfied, people like the person I am. Yes, sex is that important. Desire for your partner should reflect in many more areas of your life than just in the bedroom but if its not there it will eventually be an issue.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Is it right? Well that's a murky question really. When you walk past a beggar and don't give them $100, probably what you have done isn't right. Everyone has to look out for themselves, to a certain extent. One must make sure one's own needs are met, and secure one's own happiness. To do this, you have to understand yourself, and understand your own needs. If you are a sexual creature, you must take steps to fulfill that drive. Somebody elses temporary happiness can't really deprive you of one of the things that you require from life to be happy.

I think people who stay in sexless frustrated relationships are weak... I did it for six months myself, so don't be offended if you fall into that category. They fear being alone, and they don't want to cause someone else unhappiness, so things just float by, without ever being the way that they should be, for both parties.

My ex totally loves me, and we have fun together, but to be honest, it isn't a physically gratifying relationship, so for both of our sakes it's best to move on.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Miffed 23
Can you have both? Are these men rare?

Firstly, your young, not married and no children... So,you can continue searching for "soul", not just "nice and comfort"...

What i see so much of is non compatibility to start with.... And then commitment, due to marriage, or children, or both.

I certainly asked myself a similar question to you but what is the point in staying in a relationship that is predominately built on "friendship?"..

You don't lose your sexiness.. It's everlasting if you are a sexual person.

You don't lose your charm on men, your dress sense, your sensual side plays and stays... You feel it, other's sense it.

You don't lose your desires... It's part of your make-up who you are.

If anything your passion increases, boils over, your dreams become fantasies. And, the older you get, the more passionate you become...

Truthfully, there are lots of guys that are faithful, caring, even fun to be around, but living in a loveless relationship, one that you can not express yourself, lose yourself, have no inhibitions, wake up the next day and smile and want all over again?

Can you have both?

Your not a teenager, nor he, whom ever this man may be, where he is still playing as he loves to love..women, the more the merrier.

And, most men will say "well the sex was good, but there was no passion", it didn't mean anything.... of a sex on sex relationship as well...

Most want to be wanted, desired, just as much as a woman does. If he or she finds that, how or why would they then just want sex?

Men can be deeply passionate about life and know exactly what they want and be single, searching and not only know how to please, or want to please, but know that it is given back 10 fold and is a major basis or foundation of a lasting relationship.

Your at the age i think whereby such a man exists, lots of them exist...

You just have to listen to them, not jump in there, so you can weed out the non passionate to the passionate.

A truly passionate man knows it takes work to build that trust, then to keep it going and understands a woman's body and feelings, and how to maintain that state that two bodies have created.

He generally is passionate in his work, life in general as well.

I won't settle for anything less now, absolutely nothing... Passion makes you young, brings out the inner child, the woman, keeps you smiling and lets out your affection, laughter, whilst still being able to talk serious and intellectual...

The biggest mistake we make i feel is we like someone, date them, go out with them and stay with them... Only later to question.

We didn't take the time in other words, being single, to really observe... We lept, through getting older? The need for intimacy? He made me laugh so that's it?

Know who you are firstly, exactly what you want and then seek...

Then you will only find compatibility in all the areas you desire, there will always be a few things you don't like, but i can live with a touch of arrogance, or ignorance, verses a life of passion and laughter... I'd even put up with the toilet seat left up ( only joking ) of course you do...

They exist...

TRUST me...

It's knowing what your after, and taking your time - in finding it.

CW

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Having just read Uneeklyme's post, I realise I didn't cover that sex is a far bigger deal than temporary pleasure.. A lot of our life and character is based upon sex, in fact practically everything we do revolves around it in one way or another. Confidence, happiness, fulfillment yadda yadda.

[C]

I was that virgin when I married but we both knew what was hidden that was ready to come out...From what I have seen of Miff, I think she is a very sexual woman....I would say have a relationship with this man...Do not marry otherwise...Know that you are sexually mated...But this is only me and our sex life is off the charts...

I see something lacking in you...A feeling that has not surfaced...A hot woman that does not know how to find that place within...Slowly dying and not knowing what she is dying from....If this is true and you marry someone that does not bring you to hot orgasm and continues to make that pot warm but not boil it will probably be disasterous...I say this for one reason...You already feel the heat pains of want...What if this man does not make you sexually explode like a woman should? That is a joy that no woman should be deprived of....Unless she truly does not want to visit heaven.....

I leave it to the young to share their wisdom...I retire .....TC, C

[misslady66]

let him know
talking about it seems hard at first but here something... even though you may hint... guys are and may not catch the hints... talk to him and state clearly you are not pleased... talk to him about viagra cause if hes perfect in every way except for in the bed room then thats such a shame to leave him

[misslady66]

***I guess it took out the word d.u.mb for some reason
guys are d.u.mb
**and may be hard at first but worth it in the en****