[Kayla Lords]

I don't think it's weird to be into any form of sexual activity as long as everyone involved consents to it (I say that as someone who's into kinky stuff that looks bad if you don't have any context for what we're doing, lol). I think what's most important is recognizing that in the past you performed oral sex for reasons that had little (or nothing) to do with pleasure -- like wanting to be liked -- but that you also recognize other reasons for why you enjoy it now.

Personally, I've gone through different phases with my enjoyment of all kinds of sex, including oral. When I was young, I gave blowjobs because I wanted the guy to like me. As I got older, I found I wanted to do it less often with partners who (ultimately, as I would figure out) were people I didn't want to be with. In my current relationship, I've had moments of loving blowjobs (especially as part of our dominance and submission relationship because I feel both powerful and submissive) but also of not wanting to do it at all (I blame lack of libido.)

I don't think we always have to know why we like what we like, nor does it have to fit in with the stereotype of what we think others enjoy. Sure, it might be common for women not to like giving blowjobs but that's not universal -- and there are SO many reasons why people don't like providing oral that are much more complicated than we realize.

[Vanessa R.]

MoJoo thank you for sharing your experience with addiction. I can't even imagine the emotional and mental toll that must have taken on you but your ability to be so self aware about it is admirable. If you don't mind my asking, in what ways did the rehab center help you? Were they focused on the sex addition/act specifically or mainly the mental/emotional aspect?

And how is your sex life now? Do you avoid performing oral altogether or are there specific methods/approaches you use to prepare for when you are comfortable enough to do so?

[ggep]

Totally not weird!! For me I've found that when I'm close to someone or feel very comfortable having sex with them, that's when I most like giving a blowjob. When I'm hooking up with someone I don't know that well I kind of find myself going through the motions of a blowjob but my heart isn't really in it. More like just to be polite lol. Once I'm close with someone, part of the thrill of giving head is it's almost like sensual kissing versus doing a chore when I'm not that into it. But I know tons of people that love blowjobs too!

[Menalaus54]

I’ve had several long term relationships where my partner enjoyed fellatio almost to the point of wanting to do nothing else. For me it’s a perfectly legitimate way to enjoy each other as long as it’s not coerced or expected. There’s an immense amount of pleasure to be had in the act of giving or receiving oral sex. There’s just so much to explore and so many ways to bring your partner to climax. In the same vein I love going down on my wife and can spend a lot of time down there bringing her to a crashing finish. Just go with it and enjoy yourselves would be my thought.

[Menalaus54]

The point about power and control during oral sex is that it can be handed back and forth between the partners too during the act. Sometimes it can be fun to exert a little dominance over my partner with light thrusting. As long as she is comfortable of course. On the more advanced scale, one partner in particular enjoyed being dominated a little more aggressively. So I would grab and hair, pull her mouth onto me, and would thrust a bit more deeply. That was fun for us both. I guess my point being that fellatio can be a full act in itself that’s satisfying for both in different ways.

[Terra84]

I don't know if I would say I'm addicted to giving my boyfriend BJ's but I definitely enjoy it because I know he enjoys it so much. That's usually the 1st sexual activity we do.

As for swallowing I do it too. I did it the first time & I totally shocked my boyfriend. He kept saying I can't believe you swallowed lol now I do it everytime. He is the first guy I've let cum in my mouth. In the past I always thought I wouldn't like the taste so I never let any guy cum in my mouth but I actually do like the taste..

[GingerSun]

In my younger days, I did a few bjs but was not really into doing them. Now I am 44, and suddenly I also seem addicted and want to give my husband one almost every night. Not sure what changed, but it did.

[Galayen]

As a man, it is disappointing that my wife has little enthusiasm for orally pleasuring me and very little imagination when she does. It's robotic and boring most of the time in spite of the fact that I take great pains to orally pleasure her and will persevere for as long as it's enjoyable to her. I envy the husbands of you who are more enthusiastic.

[GillBlack]

As a man, it is disappointing that my wife has little enthusiasm for orally pleasuring me and very little imagination when she does. It's robotic and boring most of the time in spite of the fact that I take great pains to orally pleasure her and will persevere for as long as it's enjoyable to her. I envy the husbands of you who are more enthusiastic.

That's sad, I wonder if you have ever told her how you feel? I realise it can be difficult to talk about these things, of course you don't want to hurt your wife's feelings, but the level of frustration and resentment you obviously feel can't be healthy for your relationship.

It may be that she's just not very into it and she only does it to please you, but unless you can help her get better at it, no one is winning here: you're both stuck with a sex act that you don't really enjoy.

When my husband and I got together, he wasn't very good at oral. It was the classic "lick your way around and hope for the best" technique which simply doesn't work - for any woman, as far as I know! I was reluctant to bring it up for fear of hurting his male ego, but then a friend gave me some tips which really helped, and now he's great at it.

It's all about communication and positive guidance. During the act, don't be afraid to ask her to try something slightly different. I don't know exactly what it is she is doing wrong, but let's say for example that she usually only sticks it her mouth and moves her hand, waiting for you to get there. Even if it's not doing much for you, you could whisper 'oh, that's nice darling, keep doing that...' (positive statement, it will make her feel good about what she is doing and more open to trying things). Keep making appreciative noises, then after a while suggest something different you'd like her to do, for example 'would you lick the shaft up and down darling, it would feel so good" or whatever you want. When she does (and hopefully she will) let her know how good it feels by being very vocal about it. Also, try guiding her rhythm, encourage her to change it by saying 'a bit slower now...' or 'yes, faster now' and so on. I know it can be hard for you guys, most of you are terrible at communicating pleasure and asking for stuff, but you need to learn to do it, if you want things to change. It's not all just up to her.

Trust me, if you make her feel good about what she is doing, she'll want to do it more. If you lie there silently, thinking "this isn't very good, but let's get it over with" she will sense it and simply not feel like carrying on. We girls are very sensitive that way!

Lastly, since you mentioned you are so into going down on her, may I suggest trying a 69? If she is being pleasured while going down on you, she is more likely to be enthusiastic, as she'll be aroused and more receptive.

Good luck!

[jns]

As a man, it is disappointing that my wife has little enthusiasm for orally pleasuring me and very little imagination when she does. It's robotic and boring most of the time in spite of the fact that I take great pains to orally pleasure her and will persevere for as long as it's enjoyable to her. I envy the husbands of you who are more enthusiastic.

To expand on what GillBlack said, nobody is born with the knowledge of what will likely work for bringing someone else to orgasm. It is possible that your wife doesn't even know where your penis is most sensitive and where it is the next most sensitive after that, etc. I suppose a question to ask is what have you taught her so far? Another question is: has she ever used oral to bring you to a huge orgasm? If so, how did you react? Did your enthusiasm make sure that she understood how well she did?