[ggep]

I can't say that I've felt the "warm and tingly" either. When I feel arousal it feels like my stomach is flipping (like on a rollercoaster). It's a cliche but I also get the butterflies in the stomach thing. I also have had trouble becoming and staying aroused and I've noticed that I really need to stay present in order to do so. Sometimes even when I'm having sex I'm not feeling arousal if I'm just going through the motions and not staying concentrated on the moment.

[Alison H.]

also have had trouble becoming and staying aroused and I've noticed that I really need to stay present in order to do so. Sometimes even when I'm having sex I'm not feeling arousal if I'm just going through the motions and not staying concentrated on the moment.

I can SO relate to that — if I don't stay in the moment and keep my mind from wandering elsewhere (emails I need to answer, work I've got to do tomorrow, worries about whatever other thing is going on), it's like dumping a bucket of ice water all over myself. I've learned to "turn off" that part of my head to stay in the game, as it were — but every now and again, it'll still happen. Arousal is funny that way and I'm not sure if it's the same for men or not; but even reaching orgasm, if I'm not "in" it 100% it won't happen.

[jns]

I can SO relate to that — if I don't stay in the moment and keep my mind from wandering elsewhere (emails I need to answer, work I've got to do tomorrow, worries about whatever other thing is going on), it's like dumping a bucket of ice water all over myself. I've learned to "turn off" that part of my head to stay in the game, as it were — but every now and again, it'll still happen. Arousal is funny that way and I'm not sure if it's the same for men or not; but even reaching orgasm, if I'm not "in" it 100% it won't happen.

I wonder if the anecdotally described women as multitaskers and men as single taskers has something to do with this. For me (a male), it is not so much as focusing on sex as not focusing on anything at all, being unfocused and following the sensations (sort of like playing crack the whip). For many men, reaching orgasm is something they learn while teenagers and learn it to a point where it is all but automatic. The women I have seen reach orgasm usually follow a similar path as I do.

[atskitty2]

CourtneyCourtney It's been so long since I was on the pill that I forget how profound an effect it can have on us. I think perhaps that once your body has a chance to normalize, you may have a very different sexual experience. I think it took me a year or so to feel "right" again.

jns I do think our tendency to multi-task is part of it.

[JonnyR]

CourtneyCourtney YES! Hormonal birth control is where some female libidos go to die!

OMG -- this could profoundly be the simplest, yet most impactful answer...to know, you'll need to give this some time, as atskitty2 said, it could take a year or more to "normalize" especially after being on it for soooo long...I have listened to many podcasts, and there is one in particular on BulletProof Radio with Dave Asprey that I am going to link to below specifically about this issue that is a must listen to.

We typically do not allow links in the forum, but I feel this is too important to not link to it for ALL women out there:

https://daveasprey.com/sarah-hill-665/

I sent this to basically EVERY single woman I knew who was important in my life that was on the pill.

Start here...and keep doing all the work you're doing now with exploration, masturbation, intimacy, and arousal practice!

But most of all? Just BE! As others have mentioned above, remove the brain from the equation, except in the most intimate and erotic sensual way...no "thinking" about tasks/chores, no distractions, no BS about "having" to feel something -- just BE...if your partner touches you in a certain way or does something you like, tell them...if you find something that arouses you (mmm...that would be a yummy position to try tonight...hmmm...thinking about doing THIS really turns me on...) DO IT or think about it more...above all else, just BE.

[jns]

CourtneyCourtney YES! Hormonal birth control is where some female libidos go to die!

OMG -- this could profoundly be the simplest, yet most impactful answer...to know, you'll need to give this some time, as atskitty2 said, it could take a year or more to "normalize" especially after being on it for soooo long...I have listened to many podcasts, and there is one in particular on BulletProof Radio with Dave Asprey that I am going to link to below specifically about this issue that is a must listen to.

We typically do not allow links in the forum, but I feel this is too important to not link to it for ALL women out there:

https://daveasprey.com/sarah-hill-665/

I sent this to basically EVERY single woman I knew who was important in my life that was on the pill.

Start here...and keep doing all the work you're doing now with exploration, masturbation, intimacy, and arousal practice!

But most of all? Just BE! As others have mentioned above, remove the brain from the equation, except in the most intimate and erotic sensual way...no "thinking" about tasks/chores, no distractions, no BS about "having" to feel something -- just BE...if your partner touches you in a certain way or does something you like, tell them...if you find something that arouses you (mmm...that would be a yummy position to try tonight...hmmm...thinking about doing THIS really turns me on...) DO IT or think about it more...above all else, just BE.

Very good information from the link about hormonal birth control and the balance that sex hormones make in a woman's life. I wonder if information like this will lead to a rethinking of hormonal birth control so as to come up with products that are birth control but aren't such an overreach of control. The parts about how hormonal birth control changes who a woman perceives as a good partner fit are eye opening. I also was thinking how this would work in places where the woman doesn't have control over who she marries, such as places that have arranged marriage.