[jessycat_01]

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I'm in a great realtionship with my boyfriend but I had a query about 1 thing. I have always had trouble reaching the big O with a man, I can always cum while solo though. I know I can't cum through penetration only and my boyfriend is aware aswell. After having penetrative sex I find it hard to orgasm from either masturbating or my boyfriend doing it for me. I want to cum but I feel like I have to really concentrate and tense my core to be able to get close and sometimes I feel like I don't don't close at all. I've recently bought a small bullet vibrator and thought I'd be able to use that during sex to be able to get some what close while having sex but it didn't work with the angles. Has anyone got any advise what I could do to be able to achieve an orgasm after penetrative sex?

[jns]

I'm in a great realtionship with my boyfriend but I had a query about 1 thing. I have always had trouble reaching the big O with a man, I can always cum while solo though. I know I can't cum through penetration only and my boyfriend is aware aswell. After having penetrative sex I find it hard to orgasm from either masturbating or my boyfriend doing it for me. I want to cum but I feel like I have to really concentrate and tense my core to be able to get close and sometimes I feel like I don't don't close at all. I've recently bought a small bullet vibrator and thought I'd be able to use that during sex to be able to get some what close while having sex but it didn't work with the angles. Has anyone got any advise what I could do to be able to achieve an orgasm after penetrative sex?

To me it sounds like you have a fatigue situation where the stimulation isn't enough to get you over the peak to orgasm but it is enough deaden the input so masturbating doesn't work. The only ways I know to deal with such a situation is to stop and start over later or to start very slow and then build up to a sensation plateau and then go back to slow again. Doing this several times can sometimes have the sensation increase each cycle and finally go over the peak. Make sure to lube enough.

I have a question, do you orgasm from oral sex? The sensations are different. If you do and your boyfriend is willing to give you oral sex after penetrative sex, would that get you to the peak?

[Vanessa R.]

That's a great suggestion by jns regarding oral after penetrative sex. The stimulation would definitely be there but different, plus it gives you a chance to lie back and relax so you can get comfortable with preparing yourself for orgasm. And depending on how well your boyfriend follows instruction, this could be a great chance for you to guide him on what feels good, what to do more of, less, etc. This puts you in control of your pleasure and hopefully will lead to the big O that you're looking for.

I know after I orgasm from oral, to then have penetrative sex while I'm still in the throes of the O sends me over the edge in the best of ways so if you are able to orgasm from oral, see what happens if he were to have penetrative sex and if that continues the stimulation/heightens the orgasm.

Would love to know how things work out for you and best of luck!

[jessycat_01]

I've never tried to orgasm from oral sex. I've always seen oral as foreplay for a few mins. But I will ask my boyfriend if he will try it for me after sex to see if that works for me!!

[jns]

I've never tried to orgasm from oral sex. I've always seen oral as foreplay for a few mins. But I will ask my boyfriend if he will try it for me after sex to see if that works for me!!

To bring a woman to orgasm with oral sex usually takes more than a few minutes. If the woman is flat on the bed, getting my head low enough to access all parts of her vulva can make my neck ache after not too much time. Knowing that, putting a pillow under her butt to elevate it a bit helps. Giving oral with her on top in a sixty nine position is better. I put a folded pillow behind my head to get my head at the right angle. Great access, a great view and a lot of skin contact. Further, when she starts to ride the waves of sensation, she can set the rhythm that works best for her (slow at the start is requested the most). I mostly have to keep contact with my tongue and lips and she does the rest. In such a position, the guy can keep the clitoris stimulated with a wet lower lip while the tongue stimulates by penetration. The outer part of the anus can be stimulated with a wet upper lip if it is close enough and if so desired.

[JonnyR]

jessycat_01 One thing that crossed my mind as I read this post was simply "pressure"...

When you're done with the penetrative sex, and your man has cum, or been satisfied, it's now "your turn..." and this can put immense pressure on a woman!

I know, cause I've been guilty of this many times in the past -- I'm often the type of lover that wants to make sure his partner is satisfied and taken care of -- usually I do this FIRST -- making a woman cum either orally or by other means before we have sex allows me "permission" to be ravenous, single-minded, and take control without overtly worrying about whether she'll be satisfied -- which ironically, turns my partners on even more.

The problem happens when they DON'T cum beforehand or during sex...then I feel like I need to take care of business -- no, rather I WANT to take care of business and bring them to ultimate pleasure...

The issue is that this sometimes leads to a "are we there yet.." mentality (in the same way if a woman is giving a guy a blowjob and keeps staring and looking at him for cues if he's close because she's getting tired, bored, or whatever...it works both ways) and it simply makes it almost impossible for the woman to cum, especially if she has a routine/ritual and particular way of reaching orgasm.

My advice would be to REMOVE the orgasm from the occasion...don't make it about that at all...if it happens, that's great, and if not, that's ok too! Enjoy the sex, and yes, even try some oral or other stuff before/after to see if that helps, but just in case it doesn't -- RELAX....

The more the focus is on cumming, the less likely you'll be to get there.

[Zoë T.]

I agree with you JonnyR -- relaxation is key! Try to take it slow and enjoy the ride. Give yourself plenty of time and space to get there and I'd also recommend incorporating lube and a vibrator or a **** ring!

[Gena G.]

I definitely agree with the suggestion for you to cum before beginning penetrative sex! I've had this same problem and I think part of it is it can feel like of embarrassing to do what you need to do to orgasm in front of someone else. Like I want to cum like a movie star in front of my boyfriend which simply won't be happening. It takes a lot of time and trust to feel comfortable!

[Vanessa R.]

Solid observation, JonnyR! As with anything, the more expectation you put on something happening, the lower the chances will be of actually succeeding at it. This reminds me of the article about squirting. Too many people want to try it and set it up as a type of goal that they'll almost always fail at BECAUSE they're making it goal-oriented.

Definitely incorporate what everyone has advised as you see fit but at the end of the day, you have to just relax and let whatever happens, happen. And be okay with it. It shouldn't become a negative association or else you'll never get out of your head enough to enjoy sex with your partner.

[JJ48]

I've never tried to orgasm from oral sex. I've always seen oral as foreplay for a few mins. But I will ask my boyfriend if he will try it for me after sex to see if that works for me!!

Hi. You should either try the reverse cowgirl on your boyfriend and then have him use a clit vibe on your clit see if ythat works. Or go with the oral and also use a small dildo while your boyfriend is on your clit. But don't let him leave the clit.