[JonnyR]

Now, for myself, I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I was a dancer in my 30’s, have much experience with sex with multiple partners of both sexes. I have made porn before, live sex acts on stage, I engaged in all the hook-ups, sexting, webcam masturbation sessions, etc (obviously before him). He is aware of much of my past sexual history due to questions on his part. Now, after reading your post, I am wondering if this is why he is afraid. Is my sexual past leading him to believe that I will cheat? This may be where this is coming from.

I actually started talking to him about making porn and selling it online. He seems very interested in this as long as it is a together thing and I am not doing it on my own without him. I hesitate a little as I’m afraid his insecurities will blow it all up. We are just discussing it right now, no real plans. During these discussions, I kinda get the feeling that he does not mind if I watch porn with him, just not without him, probably for that insecure “I want to be the one to get her off”.

He expresses his concerns about not keeping me pleased as I do have a very high sex drive (which is one reason why I masturbate). I think he fears that I will stray if he does not please me. He is a very skilled lover for having so few partners and I see his skills have increased greatly since we started being together, I’m assuming he found some instructional information online which I completely appreciate. You can’t learn what he does by only watching porn and I know he has watched a lot of porn in his day. In fact, I feel that he does so many things to try to keep me interested in him (impeccable hygiene, working so hard to make his body more attractive to me with every workout…he didn’t worry so much about these things at the beginning of our relationship)

ForeverMermaid -- what you described in the quote above is it exactly!

When I read what you wrote, I could picture myself in my younger days.

Honestly, I think it is a mistake to talk any more about past lovers, what you've done, not done, etc -- here's the thing, when a man is vulnerable and REALLY loves you (as I suspect he does), insecurities are heightened way more than in any other situation.

He is most vulnerable with you than he's ever been with anyone else it sounds like, and you talking about porn, the men you've been with, what you've done et al, is NOT helping...I would gently not bring those subjects up, and not talk about them -- unless he asks, then of course, you should be completely honest, but do it in a very kind and conscientious way.

Don't just answer "I've done porn." Instead gently say something like "LOL...you're so cute in asking me that. Yeah, I recorded a few videos back in the day..." and leave it at that. If he probes deeper, always be honest and answer his question (I am not advocating you lie) but do it in the least revealing and harsh manner possible -- use the platinum rule (treat others the way THEY want to be treated) which supersedes the golden rule!

I would also NOT advocate doing a porn video with or without him -- this will make things much worse!

You've got some work to do to build trust, his ego, and his experience before ever getting to that point with things...

I think your pace and current goals are good -- start with simple stuff: what are HIS fantasies (act them out), what can he do to please you that is a "bit" more risque than the last thing you guys did (you are doing that...) etc. Each thing builds his confidence, skills, and allows him to relax and let things go.

It would also help for him to hang out with other guys who are more relaxed about sex (something that REALLY helped me a long time ago was when one of my best friends told me that he and his girlfriend practiced phone sex with each other -- at the time, I didn't want anyone I dated masturbating without me there, so I was horrified. He explained that it brought them closer together and was fun...conversations like that opened up my eyes and mind that perhaps I was a bit too uptight for my own good...), situations that normalize stuff for him and of course, his own self and personal development work with seminars, online education, podcasts and things that work specifically on mindset, education and confidence.

It will take time, but somewhere along the way, he'll have a breakthrough and catch you completely off guard with something he'll ask to do or do to you...it will be the beginning of something deeper for both of you.

Remember, as he gets older his libido or sex drive might decrease while yours stays the same...this could also cause some sensitivities. I know for me, I am a 3-4 day a week sex kinda guy vs. 7 day a week...it's just the way Im built. But those days that my desire and drive are back, I'm like a loaded ****ing weapon...

Cadence is important -- would you rather have 3-4 mind-blowing sex sessions per week, or 7 mediocre ones? This is where experimentation, pacing and openness will help.

At any rate, I think you're on the right track, and I was happy to help you see this from a different perspective! It sounds like there's a lot of love between you guys, and if the sex is THAT good when you have it-- I don't see why you would ever consider leaving if everything else is aligned (the important stuff outside of the bedroom!).