When you give your man oral but he won't do the same

[Terra84]

So ladies please tell me I'm not alone here. I love giving my boyfriend pleasure by giving him oral sex but he will not give me oral sex in return. Are there any ladies where their boyfriend's/husband's are the same as mine? I absolutely love receiving oral sex but since he won't do it I won't ever go looking for some guy that will because I'm in a very committed relationship but it definitely sucks.

[jns]

So ladies please tell me I'm not alone here. I love giving my boyfriend pleasure by giving him oral sex but he will not give me oral sex in return. Are there any ladies where their boyfriend's/husband's are the same as mine? I absolutely love receiving oral sex but since he won't do it I won't ever go looking for some guy that will because I'm in a very committed relationship but it definitely sucks.

Welcome to WHI Forums. Unfortunately there are some men that do not give oral sex to their lady lovers. They have a variety of excuses. What excuses does yours give you? I'm not sure talking about it and countering the excuses will work in most cases but it might in some cases with good counter arguments. Sometimes positions and/or technique have to be adjusted. As a man, I really enjoy giving oral sex to my lady love. It is a part of the connection.

[Terra84]

He says he just doesn't like doing it

[jns]

He says he just doesn't like doing it

From your post about him saying period sex is gross, it may be that he also considers oral sex gross. I know oral sex on a lady is not gross but I would have a hard time convincing someone who was certain it was, that it is not. Much of that type of mindset is learned at a young age, often from a parent. In another post you talk about enjoying anal sex together. Maybe he feels that some fecal matter might be in the area. With proper hygiene, there should be no chance of that if the oral sex happens first. If anal sex is first, proper hygiene should be done before oral sex is done again. I understand that he is not communicating to you about his reservations, but communications are possibly the key to resolving this to mutual satisfaction.

[Terra84]

Thanks I'll talk to him more about it.

[jns]

I've been thinking on this some and you might try conditioning him to overcome his objection to giving you oral sex. Perhaps start with asking him to give a lick or two at the start of sex play. Nothing long. Maybe after a while of doing that he won't be so hesitant and you will be able to ask for a bit more. Rinse and repeat with more action each cycle. He will become conditioned to giving a bit of oral sex before sexual pleasure and his brain will tie the two actions together. After he has became accustom to being between your legs, start guiding him on what to do to give you pleasure and how the keep on increasing it. Make it so he has no fear of failure as he learns.

[Terra84]

Okay thanks I will do exactly that & I'll give you an update as I am seeing him on Thursday. We currently don't live together so I go 30 mins to visit him.

[Alison H.]

I would definitely talk to him to find out more about why he "just doesn't like doing it." Because it's possible that something happened in the past that is affecting his willingness to do it now (giving oral to someone who didn't practice good hygiene, or he almost gagged on a hair and nearly puked once, or as jns pointed out, he was somehow conditioned by someone else to think that it's "gross" and so he's just never wanted to try it, etc.).

There are a lot of reasons why he might have an aversion to it; talking about it might really help, as far as understanding what his hang-ups are related to, and taking steps to mitigate those.

As jns suggested though, have him start slow, with just short bits of oral play here and there. If he's worried about the taste (again, if someone conditioned him to think it's gross or a past experience was bad), there are flavored lubes that can help with that. And if his aversion relates to him having never done it before, short explorations are a good way to get familiar with the activity without the pressure to perform; and that's something you can help to guide him with.

[Terra84]

Thanks Allison, I will definitely talk to him about it & He actually sent me a link to buy a flavored lube so I don't think he will be against trying it if I'm lubbed up first.

[Kayla Lords]

So I agree with what everyone has said about it possibly being an aversion from something that happened in the past, but I would also just say that sometimes we don't like certain sex acts without there being a reason. Everyone has their own limits and boundaries, and it's important to be mindful of the line between encouragement and coercion.

Definitely try the flavored lube -- that's a great workaround for a lot of people and a great sign that he's suggested it. But if he still doesn't enjoy it, even with all the small steps and help, his lack of desire for it has to be respected. At that point you can decide for yourself if his lack of giving is a deal breaker for you.