[void]

A bit of me for context: I'm non-binary (born female) and don't have bottom dysphoria. I'm also AroAce, meaning I don't experience sexual nor romantic attraction. I'm thought, very into erotica and masturbation but I have no interest in having a partner at all.
My problem comes from my recent purchase. I had been rather curious about dildos and vibrators for a long time and finally got one (the type that has a separate thing to stimulate the clit directly) but I'm not sure if I actually like penetration...
I get the *want* of having something inside while masturbating, have used my fingers before the dildo many times, but I don't actually think I feel anything from it. I end up always rubbing my clit. When I bought the dildo recently and used it a few times, I don't really know if I like it at all but then, I still get the thought of getting something *in*. Even when I know it won't give me a good orgasm like rubbing my clit with the vibrator.
It's very confusing... I started to wonder if I'm not actually wanting the penetration but forcing it on myself? Those who are Ace may know that some of us may force ourselves to experiences things to "fix us", even if there's nothing to fix and I know that.
There's either something wrong wiht

[void]

(Phone cut off the rest)
*There's either something wrong with me, I'm forcing myself to be "normal" on a subconscious level to like penetration or I don't know...

[atskitty2]

Hi there void! Glad to have you join us here!

It is common for women to not reach orgasm from vaginal penetration, but rather from clitoral stimulation. So, it's not surprising that you're struggling here. I think our sexuality is about much more than just what brings us orgasms. If you still think you may want to feel the fullness of something inside you, that is a pretty typical thing. I don't think it's that you're subconsciously trying to conform, but if you like it, are longing for it, then it's ok to explore that, and what it means for you. There's nothing wrong about it, normal, or abnormal. It's just what you want and what you feel you need to be sexually satisfied or fulfilled.

[Alison H.]

Hi Void,

As atskitty pointed out, there is nothing wrong or abnormal about not liking or wanting penetration — we like what we like. Everyone's body is different and everyone's sexual responses are different as well.

I'm not a huge fan of penetrative toys, myself. In fact, the only one that I have that I actually like and use with any regularity is a rabbit vibrator — specifically because it provides clitoral stimulation at the same time. (It is also very narrow through the shaft, and I appreciate that very much. A lot of penetrative toys are just too girthy and... yeah, not a fan.)

The rest of the toys I have? All clit-focused. All of them. It's just what works best for me and what I prefer.

I feel sometimes like there's this expectation that, if you have a vulva/vagina, you're supposed to crave penetration, and that just isn't true.

Some people definitely do — and if it's normal for them, that's normal.

If clit-only stimulation is normal for you and works best for your needs, that's perfectly, 100% normal.

Most women either need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm (by itself) or need it during penetration. But if penetration isn't your jam, skip it — stick with the things that you enjoy, not what you think you should be enjoying.