[Richard S]

Maz,

Be careful with other people's hearts. Be careful with your own.

Protect yourself. Protect your child.

Remember that, a long time ago, you walked into a church and made some promises. Push all the baggage that goes along with marriage aside and just ask yourself, what does it mean, really, to hang your life on a promise? What does it mean when someone else hangs their life on a promise you made?

The reason I participate here is because I find this forum to be a unique and special place. People go deep here. But I wouldn't be here if my wife weren't OK with it.

You may need to take a step back and look at what you're trying to accomplish by participating here. Is there a choice you are struggling with? We all love a good drama, but what lies beneath that? Are you trying to convince yourself that what's going on here is not betrayal?

Be careful with other people's hearts. Be careful with your own.

[funlovinglady]

I should give you an up date on this situation:

A week or two ago I brought up the subject of 'open relationships' and to cut a long story short, my husband agreed to try it out. He's not overly keen on his wife being intimate with other men of course, but says he'd rather go with it than have me leave him.

I'm kind of hoping he'll relish his new freedom so I don't have to feel guilty anymore...

Anyway the funny thing is, since that conversation I've had NO sexual encounters and haven't really felt the urge to do so. I fantasise about certain people and that's enough for me at the moment.

It's like, now that I've been told I'm ALLOWED to see other men, it doesn't seem as exciting I feel much more conscious of it all which is probably a good thing, and as if he's watching me all the time for any clues that I'm seeing someone. And I don't want to rub his face in it so although it's classed as 'open' he knows I'm not going to come home saying "oh darling I just had the most wonderful shag"...

Maz,

Maybe your not giving your husband enough credit to how well he could handle an open relationship! Some husbands love the fact their wives are out being naughty with another man and will ravage them the moment they get home from a date with another man.

Why not ask him a few questions while you are having sex to gauge his reaction. Start by asking him as you are about to go down on him if he thinks other men would find you sexy and do you think you would be good enough in bed for them. This may open him up a bit.

My husband has always loved hearing about my former lovers when we f**k and what I did with them. He also got to have a long held fantasy last year when I came home from a girls night out and supprised him by letting him know I had been a naughty wife with a guy I met that night and had sex with. I have not had a better orgasm as the one he gave me as he pounded my vagina whith the hardest penis I have seen on him ever.

You never know he may just like the idea of you stepping out but coming home to him.

Since turning 30 I have become so much more interested in sex than ever before but over the past year I think I have actually developed an addiction to it. I think about having sex with almost every man I see (within reason), and when I go out for a drink, if possible I will end up having sex with someone. I'm not proud of this but I can't seem to stop it. I'm married and have a 5 year old child but I still want sex with strangers. I try to avoid sex with my hubby as I don't feel any passion with him. If he was willing to have an open relationship that would be great but I know he wouldn't. Anyone else in the same situation?

Maz,

My sexual peak started in my late 20's and has kept growing every single year for me and I am now 36 going on 37. Like yourself I have become almost addicted to sex and normally want sex at least once or twice a day to satisfy my needs and if I don't get to have it I become irritable and distracted by every good looking man I see.

This has never been a problem for me though as my husband of 5 years loves the fact I always want sex and lets me sleep around with a regular lover. He loves me coming home soiled "as he likes to put it" with another mans fluid in me and usually adds his in me soon afterwards.

I was just lucky enough to meet someone who not only accepted my needs but encouraged me to fullfil them as well, and maybe you need to bring things out in the open to move forward.

There is nothing wrong with you Maz, you are just highly sexed and will probably continue to want other men to fullfill the need in your loins on a regular basis but you should be honest with him if possible as you deserve to feel free to enjoy yourself.

[lumba]

I agree with Funlovinglady Maz that you need to test the waters a little to see if he would actually enjoy you being intimate with another partner and to hear about it afterwards.

As you said he agreed to the open relationship you suggested so I think a part of him may be very excited by the idea but he may be too proud or embarrased to admit it to you.
You need to talk openly and honestly about your needs and wants and find out his as well. Comunication is what will make your relationship better in the long run.

When I first started seeing my wife she was actually seeing another guy at the same time which she was open and honest about and it used to turn me on when she would visit me after going on a date with the other guy. Knowing that she had just been having sex with him before showing up to see me was very arrousing and she would then take me to bed and tell me all the things she had just done with him while I sc**wd her most of the night repeating what she had just done with him before adding my sperm to his inside her.

This happened a long time ago and unsafe sex is not something I would recomend these days but I used to love sloppy seconds after she had been out with him. Your husband may be turned on by some of the things you get up to but you will never know unless you open the lines of communication with him.

[maz33]

thanks funlovinglady and lumba

it's good to hear from people in similar situations and your stories are great. I'm glad that arrangement works for you and your partners. However recent events prove that an open relationship will not work for us.

Although my husband agreed to try (admittedly because he thought that was the best of a bad bunch of choices he had) he has since made it clear that he would not be able to cope knowing that I have been intimate with anyone else, male or female.

So now we are talking about splitting up.

I do feel that it's quite drastic to split with the father of my child just because I want to have sex with other people but I realise now that that is not the real issue here. I'm just not happy so I'm searching for excitement elsewhere. I dont want to spend the rest of my life having meaningless sex, I want to be with someone I yearn for sexually as well as having complete love and affection for.

It is sad but at the moment I'm preparing for when it's just me and my son.

He'll always be my priority over an orgasm any day although it would be nice to have a good sex life again one day

[CHANDLERS WISH]

thanks funlovinglady and lumba

it's good to hear from people in similar situations and your stories are great. I'm glad that arrangement works for you and your partners. However recent events prove that an open relationship will not work for us.

Although my husband agreed to try (admittedly because he thought that was the best of a bad bunch of choices he had) he has since made it clear that he would not be able to cope knowing that I have been intimate with anyone else, male or female.

So now we are talking about splitting up.

I do feel that it's quite drastic to split with the father of my child just because I want to have sex with other people but I realise now that that is not the real issue here. I'm just not happy so I'm searching for excitement elsewhere. I dont want to spend the rest of my life having meaningless sex, I want to be with someone I yearn for sexually as well as having complete love and affection for.

It is sad but at the moment I'm preparing for when it's just me and my son.

He'll always be my priority over an orgasm any day although it would be nice to have a good sex life again one day

Sweet, you can give everything you've got, but if it's not there? It's not there 7 years later, i can tell you that's a fact, tring, tring, tring.........

I don't blame him, he wants to stay but why? Marriage, the word? You are strunning my ex said that was why he wanted me to stay when i asked? good looking and intelligent? WTF? Um ok.... Like you I wanted sensual, sexual, horney, warm, adverturous, lustful, respectful, fun, happy... Not too much to ask? Um, yep... it is really... In as much as you have to have some, most but some will be at the beginning stages, to work on.

What you don't want is nadda, nakkked, noottthing, as there is nothing to work with.

Off course he doesn't want to share you, you knew that. You don't owe him either as he helped you get yourself to now, in life... That's just the way life goes, people come into for all sorts of reasons, what ever those reasons are.

Apart from his "naughty farting haha", if you don't have it, go ewe, yuck, don't feel it, it's gone, then it's gone. At least you wont be hidding anymore you will just be able to be you, protect your child and find you... remember all of that rubbish? not......

Make sure you gag at the thought first that's important....

Then hey, if it takes a while to be naughty with protection as most state, then so be it....

When your free you can be you and whoa anyone whom is not what you are after this time.

BUT BE SURE 100% xxxxx

Good for you Mazz23.....at least your working through it all.

[Guest]

I'm glad to see you are moving on...what was happening was only going to make things worse...you will be fine...your prince charming is out there waiting for you...take time for yourself and then he will just fall into your lap when you least expect it...good luck with everything... P.S the best thing for your son is for the two of you to stay civil with one another...I'm not saying you have to be friends but always be civil... never let him see any anger...

[Phoebee]

thanks funlovinglady and lumba

it's good to hear from people in similar situations and your stories are great. I'm glad that arrangement works for you and your partners. However recent events prove that an open relationship will not work for us.

Although my husband agreed to try (admittedly because he thought that was the best of a bad bunch of choices he had) he has since made it clear that he would not be able to cope knowing that I have been intimate with anyone else, male or female.

So now we are talking about splitting up.

I do feel that it's quite drastic to split with the father of my child just because I want to have sex with other people but I realise now that that is not the real issue here. I'm just not happy so I'm searching for excitement elsewhere. I dont want to spend the rest of my life having meaningless sex, I want to be with someone I yearn for sexually as well as having complete love and affection for.

It is sad but at the moment I'm preparing for when it's just me and my son.

He'll always be my priority over an orgasm any day although it would be nice to have a good sex life again one day

I was going to comment on how I thought it unlikely that a "typical" man is going to be into having his wife have random sex with other men. I've heard of couples (on the internet anyway) who claim this is great but... I just don't see it. If you think of it just from the medical view what with the amount of STDs out there I see it as dangerous. Yes, condoms are good but they are far from perfect. If you work on the emotional part its got to at least feel like a betrayal. I understand some people enjoy humiliation. Maybe they hope to atone for some sin of their own? I don't know...

Well your being up front with him and I think most of us in the peanut gallery suggested that. I'm sorry he and you are not finding some other way to deal with this. Single parenting and all... I find it hard enough with two of us mostly on the same wavelength so wow... Hang in there.

Is the grass greener on the other side? I won't lie and say I've had a very thoughts about it and our sex life ebbs and flows a bit. And don't get me started about when his sex drive and ED problems were the worst. THAT was really bad. But... I like the commitment we share for each other because we made it through all that. And sex went from nothing to good and now really good again. Our relationship is stronger because of some of the trials. Is it perfect? No..... not even close! ;-) But its a growing project and love is not just sex or the early chemistry you feel. That infatuation period.

I had hoped you might find a way to make it work in the same way. I think were I younger when this happened I might have done things different and worse. Life is short but its pretty great to have some things be long term. Ok... I'm off the soap box.

hugs - p