[CHANDLERS WISH]

Phoebee
If not PLEASE don't do this yourself. Its far too dangerous.

I agree totally. I came to that conclusion myself mariaangel, stating that at the end of my post.

You are only 17, so still a child of sorts. Where you may feel it is right to tell him and it is.. but not by yourself.

DO NOT do this alone, it is too dangerous, he doesn't know and no one knows how he is going to react.

[mariaangel]

Yes it has made me very upset when so many of the posters have said it was a choice that I am a male and im lying to him, it is a medical condition if you dont believe me do some reading on this topic. Must I disclose all of my medical conditions to everyone? No, and also the only people who should know is me and my psychiatrist, I will probably get my medical condition explained to him when I am ready. I have been waiting for someone who actually understands my medical condition to give me advice on this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I can see why you would be upset. You posed a question and then posed a concern regarding being scared of ramifications from your boyfriend if you do tell him.

It's funny, our brains only retain so much and the replies were based on agreeing, tell him.

Feeling our way around you whole "3" threads, and your answers there, gives a more insightful picture of you and what you are going through.

It is good that a poster which knowledge on these areas, made those comments to you.

And, it is good that you understand that your fear expressed in your intial thread here, is also answered to be correct, don't tell him alone, by yourself.

There are lots of things you are sorting through and it's good that you are trying to do so.

CW

[Sweet Lady]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years, I am 17 and he is 19. He tells me that he loves me. I want to take the next step but dont know how he will react when I tell him that I have a penis. This could possibly endanger my life if he isnt as accepting as my friends.

Hi Dear,

I hear what others are saying about lying, why you didn't tell him earlier in the relationship, etc.. I am more concerned about you.

You are 17! Have you considered the following:
1. What if he is not understanding? How will you feel? If he is the average male, he will NOT understand why you have a penis when he has been looking forward to a vagina after all these years!
2. What if he is not as discreet with your sex make-up i.e. what if he decides to make fun of the situation? Are you ready to handle the exposure, probably humiliation and questions that will be thrown at you? How will this affect your confidence? Being teenagers makes all the more harder to deal with things raionally and considered each others feelings first.
3. If he is understanding, how will you have sex with him, anal only!? i.e. he may accept you, but will he be willing to have contact with another penis?

Please consider how all of this will affect YOU on the inside! If there are more cons than pros, I would suggest you just beark it off and not tell him. You can get hut terribly if this goes pear shaped.
IMO, it must be your well being first, him later. No man is worth damaging your self esteem and amaking you feel worthless.

You are a unique person. I would suggest you wait longer before engaing in sex. Grow up some more; be more mature. You may think I am a bore by saying this, but later in life you may remember someone trying to tell you to wait!

Be wise, think about this carefully!

[mariaangel]

Update: So this morning when I went to my psychiatrist (I normally go a couple times a week to different psychiatrists and social workers), I brought my boyfriend with me. Every other time I just go by myself. I told my boyfriend about my condition and had my psychiatrist help to explain. He actually took it well, he wasnt angry or mad. However he was a bit upset that I hadnt told him earlier. He said, "Why didnt you tell me? I wouldve still loved you. And I would help you get through this." Also another thing he said was, "I kind of figured it out for myself but didnt want to bring it up because I figured you would tell me when you were ready." I asked him how. He said, "Well, surgical tape for the skin, you have a book on voice training and your not an actress, how you would never stay the night, you would be over protective, various other things." So were still together, actually closer now that he knows I am being entirely honest with him.

[Uneeklyme]

Update: So this morning when I went to my psychiatrist (I normally go a couple times a week to different psychiatrists and social workers), I brought my boyfriend with me. Every other time I just go by myself. I told my boyfriend about my condition and had my psychiatrist help to explain. He actually took it well, he wasnt angry or mad. However he was a bit upset that I hadnt told him earlier. He said, "Why didnt you tell me? I wouldve still loved you. And I would help you get through this." Also another thing he said was, "I kind of figured it out for myself but didnt want to bring it up because I figured you would tell me when you were ready." I asked him how. He said, "Well, surgical tape for the skin, you have a book on voice training and your not an actress, how you would never stay the night, you would be over protective, various other things." So were still together, actually closer now that he knows I am being entirely honest with him.

Hm, lucky for you your boyfriend loves you for the person you are and not for the person you portrayed yourself to be.
You know dang well you lied to him.
In reading all of this thread, I don't see where anyone said you weren't the girl you profess to be or where anyone even implied you are gay. Seems to me everyone simply stated that if you are investing that much time and energy into building a life with someone... having a wang is a pretty big deal to hide. You lied by omission and you know it. I call poser. Your shrink would have instructed you to be completely honest with your boyfriend or anyone in your life you might plan on being intimate with.

[mariaangel]

Yes, however the psychiatrist wouldve never

[mariaangel]

Sorry, didnt finish writing before I hit enter. Yes, however the psychiatrist wouldve never encouraged me to tell him alone. Also I never lied to him, lying would be saying "I do not have a penis." No such things were asked or even discussed about my sexual anatomy. Also since me gender is female, being seen as female and being female, saying that I am female, none of those are lies. A poser would be someone who pretends to be someone or something that they are not, I never did any such thing. Also after I get sex reassignment surgery, there well be no concern as to how we have sex. I would assume oral and anal, me being the submissive one, in terms of sex. Theres a difference by being completely honest and not discussing a medical condition. I have never lied to him, I just never brought up my medical condition. Also, I assume that most people dont go around discussing all of their medical conditions with everyone, with their boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses. Does it really matter when he knew about my medical condition?

[Uneeklyme]

IN this case? Yes. Couples do talk about medical conditions. Its not like you were born with a heart defect which you would probaly have had no qualms telling him about. You may be a girl but you were born physically male and you know it as well as anyone else. You are trying to justify your actions and you know that too. Its not the people here that are giving trans the bad name, its people like you that excuse your actions with reasons such as having a penis is a medical condition.

[mariaangel]

Having a penis is not a medical condition, being transsexual is a medical condition. Gender develops before sex. There was a defect along the way that created me this way. I was born female with a male sex, I was never born male. Im not trying to justify anything, keeping this medical condition from him was what was best for me, now its better for me know that he knows. Also people like me? what do you mean people like me? honest good girls?