[Fire(m)]

Interesting question was posed by someone else on the forum. It is a case of a woman who's boyfriend was really interested in sex and now his sex drive is essentially "dead".

I'm not trying to hijack the thread, but start another one...see here's the thing.

Some of the responses I read were along the lines of telling her to "dump him" because a woman deserves to be sexually satisfied etc. PERSONALLY, I agree with this stance overall.

HOWEVER, Here's where it gets sticky (literally). What if I had come on here and said that my s/o had a "dead" sex drive. My guess is that there is an active double-standard in this case, because I think it's seen as acceptable for a woman to have a zero sex drive, but unacceptable for a man to.

I'm not bringing this up because I have an axe to grind. Just to open a discussion about he topic. For example, women have a lot of "normal" functions that could naturally tend to diminish their sex drive. Maybe this is part of the reason why it is more acceptable.

Anyway, when I read the thread and some of the responses (admittedly I did not read all...yet), it just occurred to me that if a guy came on here and said that a few months after he started dating his girl her sex drive diminished to nothing, there would be a lot less "surprise".

Of course, my wife would give me the "finger" for suggesting this, but rationally, and logically, do I have a point or not? What do you ladies (and gents) think?

Cheers.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

You're going to have to get used to the level of hypocracy you see here (in fact it's one of the reasons I come here).

As this is a womens forum for women, or whatever, most of the advice is biased towards the woman that is asking for help. A bit of a clubbing together mentality. Coupled with that, there is the undertone of "darn men, blah blah". There's a lot more pressure on the male in question for a quick-fix, wheras often the woman will have a long game plan to fix whatever is wrong, etc.

In so far as my advice in that thread, the same rings true for both genders. I was in a sexually unfulfilling relationship for a good time, and it wasn't great. It's lazy human nature to settle for less than you really want, and it generally doesn't do anyone any favours.

Just use your superior masculine brain to tell them when they're wrong ...

*waits to be killed, I'm joking, joking...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That last line anon, i had to reallllly move close to the streen to see, or i would have blinked and missed it, haha....

I have read so many threads, all a while ago though and haven't seen those men since as in back here, where they claim the "woman's" sex drive is diminished and they are "trying" to get at least something worth while back.

It really is either, iether.

I have been known to state even if you've been married Fire(m) for 20 years, if after 10 you can't do it, nothing is changing why should a man live in a loveless marriage?

Sex is intimacy, and even a kiss is intimacy, a touching of the shoulder, but if i was a man, and i could kiss her, touch her, i would have the damdest time not getting arroused and wanting more.

It is killing them literaly..

So there... I am a female ..............

I think?

Na, definately.

CW

[Fallen1]

Anon .... you know what I'm thinking.

I'll tell a man the same thing I tell the women, if your drives are different don't stay just to stay, find someone that is compatible.

There isn't two sets of rules, what holds true for one gender holds true for the other.

[Fire(m)]

You're going to have to get used to the level of hypocracy you see here (in fact it's one of the reasons I come here).

As this is a womens forum for women, or whatever, most of the advice is biased towards the woman that is asking for help. A bit of a clubbing together mentality. Coupled with that, there is the undertone of "darn men, blah blah". There's a lot more pressure on the male in question for a quick-fix, wheras often the woman will have a long game plan to fix whatever is wrong, etc.

In so far as my advice in that thread, the same rings true for both genders. I was in a sexually unfulfilling relationship for a good time, and it wasn't great. It's lazy human nature to settle for less than you really want, and it generally doesn't do anyone any favours.

Just use your superior masculine brain to tell them when they're wrong ...

*waits to be killed, I'm joking, joking...

You make a couple of interesting points. First of which is that this is a women's forum for women.

My point to you is that as such, we are (somewhat uninvited) guests, although if we're here for the right reasons, all of us may benefit from our presence (ladies and gentlemen alike). Part of the reason I come on here is to seek a better understanding of the way women think. No better place to see how women think than here. At least they can be honest and if the attitude is "darn men, blah blah", then so be it. I come here specifically for that. I think you're eluding to this point in your first statement although I'd have said it a little differently. There is value in frankness though and in being pragmatic, so if that's the way you feel...

The second point you make that I found interesting is that you said that it's human nature to settle for less than what you want and that it doesn't do anyone any favors. I do agree with that. What happens is when you settle for less than what you think you're "worth" be it a woman or a man, you end up resenting the person for what is essentially YOUR mistake (by selling yourself short).

My real point on this subject is that nothing is black-and-white. It's all shades of grey. Sometimes you have to "settle for less than what you're worth" to have a chance at something with an immeasurable value. For example. I have been married for 22 years. Year 1-15 were the most blissful, awesome, wonderful years I could have possibly imagined. I truly lived in a magical dreamworld of love. Year 15-19 were the worst years I could imagine just bad, bad, bad. I got discouraged (severely) during that time. I didn't give up though and I didn't think it was a compromise of myself, I thought that I'd had 15 years of unbelievable perfection and if I had to go through 15 years of hardship as a result, the first 15 were still well worth it. Remember that I'm crazy about my wife. Well, years 20-22 have improved significantly and we're not back to 100% bliss, things are VERY nice between us. I am still hopeful for a full recovery.

I guess overall, while I agree with the sentiment that no one should have to settle for less than what they think they deserve, sometimes we have to pay our dues (particularly if they've been well earned) and just hang in there for a while.

Cheers.

[Fallen1]

If a woman comes here and posts about sexual frustration in her relationship I would hope that she would be sympathetic to a man with the same issue ..... if not then yes, there is hypocrisy in her.

As I stated in my above post I would suggest to whomever had such an issue to consider the idea of finding a more suitable mate but that's just a suggestion. Each individual has to weigh the good against the bad in a relationship, what's important, what's not so important, and go from there. Sometimes the love one may have for their mate is far more important than not having to deal with a little frustration.

[Uneeklyme]

I read a blog today writen by a woman btw that stated "I feel that intimate subjects should be spoken with your own sex...I know that there are far too many men who want to talk about our women's sexual parts to jack off...They post under the guise of unhappily married or being any age in life, either old or young just to talk sex...Kind of a sex pervert in their own way, but more innocent as they stay on the computer...In truth, men know absolutely nothing about the human female inner body...Heck, many women don't know this either..."

Cracked me up and pis*ed me off all at the same time as her next blog was a story of one of her sexual encounters written to man who she hoped would read it and take a little bit of knowledge away from it as he was having trouble in his marriage/sex life and wanted advice.

I have to agree that there is certain amount of "man hater" in some of the forums for women. Women tend to act invinceable in packs. No big secrete though that I'm pretty much of the opinion of whats good for the goose is good for the gander. I welcome men's questions and advice **gasp...yes anon, even if I don't agree with it ** cuz just as you say of women firem, how will I know and understand men if I don't listen to and talk to men.

I don't feel it is acceptable for a man to be expected to accept a non exhistant sex life/drive anymore than I feel it is acceptable for a woman to put up with it. I would encourage communication between involved parties and trying different avenues to work it out but ultimately, end whats not good and healthy...man or woman.

[damd]

Dump him. Dump her. There is more fish in the sea.....yada yada yada....

It doesn't matter. If it's not working and if it can't be fixed, move on. Now there are some extenuating circumstances where this advice does not apply. However, regardless of gender just about no one should have to endure sexual unfulfillment. Especially one so young as the threader from the other thread.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

CW, I'm suprised anyone even noticed that...

Fallen, I have no idea, what are you thinking?

Fire(m), I find it fun to be extremely blunt, to the point of being provocative - that's just me. And yes, we are uninvited guests, unwanted by lots of people actually. When I first started posting quite a lot of people had a problem with me, and my man-parts, but, well, it's almost more fun helping people that don't want your help than helping those that do. I found this women-only mentality, the people who didn't want any male posters here, to be the most retarded of the lot - they'd be trying to get inside the head of their male partner, but shunning a male point of view.

Uneeklyme, I have to admit to going to the gynecology section and rubbing one out, but hey, I wouldn't be a man if I didn't....

But yeah sure, half of the reason I come here is to understand that irrational bundle of insecurities known as 'woman'.


This is quite irrelevent but made me p1ss myself laughing when I found it... I was looking up some info for a computer game, where different races and genders of races had different "attributes"... Anyhow, I stumbled across a feminism forum where they were all going ape sh1t because the male characters had a higher "strength" than the female (even though they'd have higher speed and intelligence, for example). It's like: are you so fking blind that you can't see a man can hit something harder with a sword than you can?

Hmm, anyway, any sort of gender biases but essentialism are all rubbish. Even though I'm told essentialism is just philosophically wrapped sexism.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Anon
CW, I'm suprised anyone even noticed that...

To date i still have 20/20 i see everything...

Anon
Fire(m), I find it fun to be extremely blunt, to the point of being provocative - that's just me. And yes, we are uninvited guests, unwanted by lots of people actually. When I first started posting quite a lot of people had a problem with me, and my man-parts, but, well, it's almost more fun helping people that don't want your help than helping those that do. I found this women-only mentality, the people who didn't want any male posters here,

To be perfectly honest Anon, i wasn't here when you started but i read some threads of yours and of course others when i first joined...


As alot here now i believe think, you are refreshing, offer excellent advise, blunt but factual and apart from the additional fun side, frankly i personally enjoy reading your insight and good advise and not a "fan" but always happy to post above or under you.

Preferably above, just because of ego, but.............

That apart from the "fun" side of my comments is a FACT....

Yes it says Women's Forum but it also says men enter... Glad you did.

CW