[AnnaKate]

I dunno if I would know who this guy is now, it was 8 years ago and at a house party where I did not know many people. Im not sure I could even find out from people.
But the letter idea sounds good, could I just write the letter read it then burn it so its like a release thing?

I cannot believe I did not think of this earlier and write on here, its been eating at me for so long and everyone on here has been brilliant, its already like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Like I had pointed out on the previous post, Im scared as to how im goin to tell my friend, he knows something has been bothering me and I do wonder if I can just send him a link to this page? Maybe this isn't the best idea but I need some idea on how to approach the subject.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The letter idea is brilliant and yeah then burn it, and say something as you do, a little ritual of words that sends all of those words way up in smoke for ever....

Well, you could do the link thing but first, it's bugging me to work out what you should say etc, because who is this friend?

Why do you want to discuss things with him?

Maybe that would help with replies....

CW

[AnnaKate]

This friend, he has been there for me over the past couple of years and has grown to be someone I really trust, I have been there for him recently with some of his personal issues and one day we started talking and he said he knew something had been bottled up inside me and he couldn't figure it out, I now know I want to tell him as I trust him so much, just not sure how to, sounds like it should be easy but telling someone for the first time is going to be hard I know.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

True friends, listen and want to know, and be there for you. He will see exactly what we see because that is the reality of it all.

He more than likely will give you a hug and tell you, you are special because you realise all of this and want to move on from it all.

I wouldn't give him the link before, but i would maybe after, when you leave, so he has our replies, from all that you have shared with us and with him, so he has your other "friends" of the internet world's opinions.

Talking in person to someone you trust, and finally using the words, spoken instead of from your brain onto a keyboard will be so rewarding for you and really allow you to let go..

Maybe ask him to be there when you burn the letter?

As this will let him in and show him that you wanted him, your close friend there with you to end it for good...

CW

[AnnaKate]

I still have not been able to tell my friend yet but I have been taking into account all the advice given, I have been feeling alot better over the past few days.

Will keep u all posted x

[WildChild]

If you can really help yourself step away from this your need to share it will lessen. I used to never talk about being raped because there had been so much negative talk after it happened. As I worked through it, it ceased to be an issue in my life, I quit carrying it around and reinflicting myself so much. A few years ago I made a choice to talk about it simply because it's a silent epidemic. Stats are that by the time women reach their 40s fully 1/4 have been raped. Many never tell anyone, so they never let go of it, getting things into the light so you can look at it and take the fear out of it helps. Write your letters, light that match, burn your hurt and doubt out. Get yourself free. You know what you are going to learn? The kind of people you want in your life will have compassion for your experience and to the kind you need in your life it will make no difference in how they feel about you.

Another area to explore is how has this made you more compassionate, more caring, more sensitive to other's experiences? We are the sum of our life experiences, if they were all positive we would have a hard time being much help to others who are suffering because we simply couldn't relate. You can't unmake your past, you can learn and become stronger for it. The only way to create your past is in how you live your now - it will be your past tomorrow. Work on having a good now so you can have a great past.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's it?

lol...

Glad your feeling better....

You will do what you feel is right when the time is right, or else you won't tell him and you'll just write what you feel and burn that letter yourself and throw it to the wind.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If you can really help yourself step away from this your need to share it will lessen. I used to never talk about being raped because there had been so much negative talk after it happened. As I worked through it, it ceased to be an issue in my life, I quit carrying it around and reinflicting myself so much. A few years ago I made a choice to talk about it simply because it's a silent epidemic. Stats are that by the time women reach their 40s fully 1/4 have been raped. Many never tell anyone, so they never let go of it, getting things into the light so you can look at it and take the fear out of it helps. Write your letters, light that match, burn your hurt and doubt out. Get yourself free. You know what you are going to learn? The kind of people you want in your life will have compassion for your experience and to the kind you need in your life it will make no difference in how they feel about you.

Another area to explore is how has this made you more compassionate, more caring, more sensitive to other's experiences? We are the sum of our life experiences, if they were all positive we would have a hard time being much help to others who are suffering because we simply couldn't relate. You can't unmake your past, you can learn and become stronger for it. The only way to create your past is in how you live your now - it will be your past tomorrow. Work on having a good now so you can have a great past.

Your compassion WildChild comes out very much in your posts. And, I find it awesome that you have set yourself free from something that was a negative in your life, and making things all positive... Strength and Beauty are the two words I can relate to that "gift"

We are now living in today, not yesterday and your final words are ones that ring true for a lot of people..

CW

[silvertae]

You can also try to boost your confidence with things unrelated to your looks. Take up a new hobby that will give you tangible results. Like, learn to knit or crochet and make some cool things. Just making something or accomplishing something small like that can make you feel good. You have something to show others and say "Look! I made this all by myself!" Maybe take a class or starting reading an interesting book so you have a richer intellectual life and have interesting things to talk about with people. Even just being on this forum and giving advice to people in need will boost your self of your own worth and value to others. Praise yourself for all the things you are capable of doing and the good you do for others.

I'm still not the prettiest girl around but by the time I sort of grew into my looks in college I was already pretty confident and happy with myself because I always excelled in school and had satisfying friendships and never compromised who I was. I guess I just see too many vapid girls out there who have no intellectual life and are solely focused on looks and clothes. I just don't know how anyone can go through life like that. I need good conversation and good books, etc. I think learning, either directed or done on your own is always one of the best things you can do for yourself. It may also take your mind off the bad experiences in your past.

And read some sex positive books and listen to the Savage Love Podcast (google it and I'm sure you'll find it or look it up in iTunes). You pretty much can't get better sex advice than Dan Savage gives and he talks a lot about relationships as well (also read his column Savage Love).

[AnnaKate]

I was really happy yesterday still am today, which is really good,
U did ask me to put down my feelings etc whenever I could but thinking about it last night, if I had done that I would of put myself back into thinking mode and I don't want to think like that.