[WildChild]

I disagree my experiance is if I masterbate or have sex more the more I am able to have. Where the difference may be is the is a physical limit to what a man can have above his currently daily norm (if he masterbates twice a day and has sex once a day he cannot physically do more than 3 or 4 times a day) Remember a man needs to cum (even just a little) to orgasm, which is a function of the prductivity of the testees.

What I do agree is masturbastion increases a women's sex drive. Men just have to transfer the masterbation energy to sex. So if you need to train your man manage his expectation to when he will have sex. A man may time his masterbation so he no overly excited (eg. masterbating the morning before a 'big night')

just my opinion

The older a man gets the longer his refractory period -sometimes a day or more. If his interest is down along with his tool, where does that leave his lady?

I'm dealing with what HD is talking about; a man who simply takes care of himself. I don't think he is as responsive as he was even 6 months ago.

[Duckey03]

I don't have one lol I want to try one to see what it feels like.

[Guest]

I think where the double standard women being frustrated at their SO's masturbation to porn, while still masturbating themselves stems from the fact that generally, the mores sex a woman has ... the more she wants.

A woman that masturbates often is almost always ready and willing to have sex with their partner. Sex is more in their mind, and so their desire is increased... while men seem to (some guys at least) Have a certain amount of sexual energy to spend, and if its spent on porn and masturbation... sometimes there is none to spare for their S.O.

A woman that masturbates, with or without toys.. is more likely to orgasm from sex than a woman who doesn't. While of course that isn't always the case... it seems a lot of women that come here and talk about not enjoying sex with their partners also express that they don't masturbate either.

So it seems generally that when a female is comfortable with her sexuality and masturbating it works to the benefit of her partner. And when a man closes off and uses porn and masturbates and has no interest in sex with his partner...it obviously doesn't bestow any benefits on their partner and can pull couples apart.

Also, I am not saying that is fair. Of course both partners should be allowed to express their sexuality with themselves equally as well as with their partners... but I think I understand the double standard of a woman being hurt at her partner masturbating to porn and not interested in sex with her... while still masturbating using toys.

The double standard lies in the fact that while viewing porn desensitizes the watcher's mind, using a vibrator desensitizes the user's nerves.

While using a vibrator may increase the amount of the user's orgasms, which in turn will probably lead them to want more orgasms....this doesn't necessarily mean they are seeking these orgasms with a partner...especially so since vibrators desensitize your nerves making human sexual contact less pleasurable. So is it "really" increasing their "sex drive"?"

Sex to me is partnered. Masturbation is solo.

So that would indicate to me that vibrator use increases your "masturbation drive."

In addition, your sex drive is dictated by testosterone levels. I have yet come across a study that shows how vibrator use increases testosterone levels.

Lastly, there are times when you are aroused, but don't want to have sex. As well as there are times you aren't aroused but WILL have sex to please your partner.

We shouldn't confuse the fine line between "sex drive" and the "willingness" of one to engage in sexual contact with their partner. Only in a perfect world would they be the same.

[pretzel]

I don't know so much about the double standards in equating using vibrators vs. porn or the like. Maybe I'm not reading as much into the thread.

Sometimes it really is just a matter of "feeling good" and "getting off" as opposed to "he uses porn instead of me".

Our little "magic bullet" comes out once or twice a year (which is about 50% of the times we have sex) and is something that's used to supplement the intensity for her.

If ones sex life is ok to great, what's the big deal?

[Goodgirl93]

The double standard lies in the fact that while viewing porn desensitizes the watcher's mind, using a vibrator desensitizes the user's nerves.

How long does it take to desensitize yourself? I'm getting a vibe soon and I get horny a lot.I don't plan to use the vibration all the time but I'm afriad that I might end up using it too much.

[Texasred]

The older a man gets the longer his refractory period -sometimes a day or more. If his interest is down along with his tool, where does that leave his lady?

As a somewhat older fellow myself, I think I can comment on this: while usually true, I have found that there are certain (presecription) "meds" on the market that, while not shortening the "refractory period," do very nicely in restoring the usability of the "tool," and this in turn allows interest to remain high! That being the case, it's very easy and very enjoyable to please my ladyfriend until she has been thoroughly satisfied.

I'm dealing with what HD is talking about; a man who simply takes care of himself. I don't think he is as responsive as he was even 6 months ago.

Now THAT is something I simply do not comprehend! Porn is just pixels!
Why would a man not prefer the real deal? Could it be a performance-anxiety sort of thing?

[Guest]

How long does it take to desensitize yourself? I'm getting a vibe soon and I get horny a lot.I don't plan to use the vibration all the time but I'm afriad that I might end up using it too much.

You'll hear a lot of different info regarding this. Some will claim it doesn't desensitize at all.

Usually that claim comes from folks who have ALWAYS used a vibrator during masturbation. I'd guess they probably don't know what masturbation or sexual contact was like without one or they just have forgotten.

I'm not a woman, nor do I use electronic devices in order to masturbate. My insight comes from the following:

Of prior sexual partners, EVERY woman I encountered that used a vibrator regularly required much longer and much more intense stimulation in order to have an orgasm.

Women I've had sexual relations with BEFORE and AFTER buying vibrating sex toys ALWAYS have displayed a difference in stimulation preferences most notably requiring longer or more intense stimulation.

The older I got, the more women I encountered who used sex toys, and consequently I began to notice a pattern with those that did. I'd guess the reason I've noticed as opposed to some other men is that I understand and have a desire to bring sexual pleasure to those I have sexual relations with.

More specifically, one of my most recent long term relationships...the woman was so sensitive that she could bring herself to orgasm by rubbing her legs together. We used to joke about how easy it was to get her off. We'd actually time it sometimes.

Toward the end of that relationship, I got lazy and suggested we buy a vibrator to use during sex so I didn't have to work as hard. Mistake. She went from being able to come in 2 minutes, to 3 to 4 to 5 to 10 minutes.

Presently....I was not able to bring my fiance to orgasm during sexual activity UNTIL she decided of her own accord to get rid of her vibrator. Now, she is able to have orgasms during intercourse.

I'd think hard about buying a vibrator. I feel that porn and vibrators set men and women up with unrealistic expectations of sex that usually leads to ruin.

[Goodgirl93]

You'll hear a lot of different info regarding this. Some will claim it doesn't desensitize at all.

Usually that claim comes from folks who have ALWAYS used a vibrator during masturbation. I'd guess they probably don't know what masturbation or sexual contact was like without one or they just have forgotten.

I'm not a woman, nor do I use electronic devices in order to masturbate. My insight comes from the following:

Of prior sexual partners, EVERY woman I encountered that used a vibrator regularly required much longer and much more intense stimulation in order to have an orgasm.

Women I've had sexual relations with BEFORE and AFTER buying vibrating sex toys ALWAYS have displayed a difference in stimulation preferences most notably requiring longer or more intense stimulation.

The older I got, the more women I encountered who used sex toys, and consequently I began to notice a pattern with those that did. I'd guess the reason I've noticed as opposed to some other men is that I understand and have a desire to bring sexual pleasure to those I have sexual relations with.

More specifically, one of my most recent long term relationships...the woman was so sensitive that she could bring herself to orgasm by rubbing her legs together. We used to joke about how easy it was to get her off. We'd actually time it sometimes.

Toward the end of that relationship, I got lazy and suggested we buy a vibrator to use during sex so I didn't have to work as hard. Mistake. She went from being able to come in 2 minutes, to 3 to 4 to 5 to 10 minutes.

Presently....I was not able to bring my fiance to orgasm during sexual activity UNTIL she decided of her own accord to get rid of her vibrator. Now, she is able to have orgasms during intercourse.

I'd think hard about buying a vibrator. I feel that porn and vibrators set men and women up with unrealistic expectations of sex that usually leads to ruin.

I don't want to desensitize myself because I can cum pretty easily. Weather it be from clit or vaginal stimulation.I enjoy having lots of orgasms during the day! Haha.

Maybe I should consider just a dildo? If I don't know what all that vibration feels like then I won't crave it when I'm masturbating.

Plus,I would hate for my partner to feel as if he is doing something wrong when we have sex,because I can't climax.

[ItsASecret]

It sucks, women can go from minute cummers to 10 minutes or more if they use vibrators. Then there are women like me who out of desperation buy a vibrator in hopes to at least feel some sort of tingle, but get no such 'feel good' sensations on any sort of regular basis. Even with a vibrator an orgasm takes well over 20 minutes by myself, and when using it with my boyfriend we have both given up after the 30-40 minute mark so there has not been an orgasm with him using it on me (except for a lonely single time).

[Guest]

I don't want to desensitize myself because I can cum pretty easily. Weather it be from clit or vaginal stimulation.I enjoy having lots of orgasms during the day! Haha.

Maybe I should consider just a dildo? If I don't know what all that vibration feels like then I won't crave it when I'm masturbating.

Plus,I would hate for my partner to feel as if he is doing something wrong when we have sex,because I can't climax.

It's a slippery slope. I would have no concerns regarding vibrating sex toys if they didn't reduce the responsiveness of my touch to my partner. From what I've heard from a lot of women, and especially here, men seem to already have a tough time stimulating their women to orgasm, so you have to ask yourself why would you knowingly make it any more difficult?

I do understand that the vibrations feel good, and that vibrators are very convenient and easy to use for the most part.

You just have to weigh the pros and cons and make the decision yourself. Please don't go ask a person who works in a sex toy shop for advice in this matter, or any one for that matter, with a vested financial interest in selling sex toys.

Lastly-

Just so you know...in the instances I've been privileged to be a part of...whenever the woman discontinued her vibrator use for an extended period of time, her former level of sensitivity was regained.

However - there are women on this board, and other forums for that matter, who have claimed that vibrators have taken away their sensitivity indefinitely.

Good luck.