[effy2014]

We are all trying to help your relationship. The fact that she threw out the toys doesn't help at all. It just shows that she is being compliant rather than fight with you. Under the "cover" of making sure that you can bring her pleasure, she has now thrown always the toys that can bring her pleasure. Quite the pleasing and sensitive husband.

I suggest that you re read your posts. "Confront" was not an inappropriate word given the tone of every post in this thread. I got anger and frustration from your tone. I am sure she did as well. She lied to because of how you confronted her . . . how dare she explore pleasure from something other than you.

I agree with bubba. If you want to solve the desensitization problem start being more sensitive to her issues and less to your bruised ego. Perhaps even find out why she might prefer her vibrator?

[guyhelp]

Everything seems to be OK.
We talked more calmly and she explained a little more.
I never said to throw out the toy, that was her idea I just said she needed to calm down with it because it was having an effect. I knew she used this in the past but with no ill effect.
I told her that the lying was an issue because things just get hidden that way and then there is nothing I can change to help her/us.
I just asked her to not lie or fake an O, I dont need that type of help and I respect brutal truth. I understand it that sometimes it wont happen because of various reasons. Hell, everyone gets tired.
I told her not to be shy about telling / asking me anything as I am here to pleasure her ....seemed to help.
After this talk we went at it...very intense and she was more vocal about this or that, very nice double O. About 2 hours later...again.

[kira]

Men aren't being expected to perform like vibrators. They are expected to be men and then accept that vibrators do something men can't. You can either get all in a huff and defensive about it or you can get involved. Lots of things do stuff that humans can't. Some guys like to put a strap on on their female partner or 2 female partners might do it. That's something women can't do normally. Vibrators can be used perfectly fine in a sexual situation without replacing a person. They can add something for both men and women. It could have been a great tool to experiment with. Porn and vibrators take over a relationship usually when something is going wrong. Many healthy relationships use porn, vibrators, and various sex toys to different degrees and many relationships go downhill because 1 person represses the use of such things instead of understanding it. All things in moderation.

[Motorguy]

Well Kira with many guys it's pretty much all with them with there pleasure. Some guys couldn't care if there female partner had a orgasm or not. My self with my wife she has a lot of toys as we add those into are love making many times to add to the pleasure and fun with both of us in the bedroom.

[sungem77]

The female orgasm is more dynamic than the male in that its not as consistent and what works to turn a woman on on one day may not work on the next. Female arousal is built more slowly and gradually than mens, it needs to be "coaxed" out of her in a sense. So sometimes when that coaxing is not so forthcoming , she may get frustrated and be concerned with the amount of time it's taking. Maybe she worries that you think shes taking too long and in order to not deal with expressing what she really needs to get off, shes opted for the easy way out (or off) the best thing you can do is reassure her that her pleasure is your number one priority and that youre not on the clock. That alone I think will relax her enough to let go.

[sexy brenda]

Huh? I certainly hope that's not the case for all older women. I'm 60, and my old parts are still very easily stimulated. As a matter of fact, I'm even more easy to stimulate than I was at 40. ;-)

Same here I am 51 and have rediscovered my sex life and having a wonderful time; yes far better than in my early years but agree with bubba on one point when says try something new. I am all for that.

[Motorguy]

Same here I am 51 and have rediscovered my sex life and having a wonderful time; yes far better than in my early years but agree with bubba on one point when says try something new. I am all for that.

You may be right I am 50 and my wife almost 51 but the older we gotten the sex has gotten better. I think mostly she can't get pregnant anymore so no worries there on that. But we seem to enjoy each other and not in a rush per say worried about the kids hearing us and so on.

[sexy brenda]

You may be right I am 50 and my wife almost 51 but the older we gotten the sex has gotten better. I think mostly she can't get pregnant anymore so no worries there on that. But we seem to enjoy each other and not in a rush per say worried about the kids hearing us and so on.

Yes it is better is it not. Fully agree with you. I cannot get enough now a days.

[raindancer]

guyhelp,

where did you learn masturbation with, or without toys, desensitize women? Is it something you've heard, or have you found a peer reviewed paper on the subject? If you have, would you share your reference with me? I'd be also interested in peer reviewed papers claiming masturbation makes one's palm fur.

So, your wife needs time to orgasm with you, but on her own, she can orgasm much faster. That's so common!

I know exactly where to touch, I can adapt to what I'm enjoying immediately, because my brain is directly linked to my clitoris. I can orgasm in a couple of minutes when I'm masturbating, if I so wish. With my husband, it takes much longer. He can't be at the perfect spot, at the perfect time, with the perfect intensity, with the perfect movement like myself, simply because he's not in my brain to know how it feels. And it'd completely spoil the experience if I'd be telling him "to the right, to the left, faster, harder, up, from below, from the top, slower, around, circle it... etc."

I wonder what is going on in the mind of your wife, now that she knows you're counting the minutes to her orgasm, and that she has to feel bad about masturbating.

Female sexuality is so complicated. It takes very little to ruin it.