[CHANDLERS WISH]

ha..

The woman is 40, doubt she will go out with someone 30.

Know what you mean Anon, i am not trying to say Australian's are..

I am agreeing that a more "mature man" regardless of "AGE" can satisfy what a person my be looking for where a meat pie, kangaroo and holden cars, Aussie, has no clue.....

Anyways unless the threader also stipulates and " I want money" then she is not a .... person viewing money.

Let her reply.

CW

[happy ending]

i am 44 years old, own a house, a car and all that stuff - am actually fairly comfortable financially so no i dont really want a zillion dollars spent on me, australian men however seem to have very little idea how to treat women. i have a lovely boyfriend who is not australian and we go fishing together, only go out occasionally but he would never take me to a pub buy me a glass of wine and leave me alone in the corner while he talked to his mates all night, but as chandlers wish can verify, most aussie males would. that to me is not a great night out. sorry if i come across as money grubbing, i dont need money but a little respect goes a loooooong way with me.

[WildChild]

May be you need to find some places to meet a different quality of men? Guys who hang out in pubs brings to mind a certain type. Do you have some special interests? Get involved with a local preservation group or a book club, attend lectures at the local college find some men who have more extended interests?

Anony as you get older, if you can get past this cynicism, you will find that the girls will mature, just as you and your mates will. The same advice would apply to you, you need to meet a different quality of women. They are out there, the question is do you have the depth to attract them? Maybe you should consider dating some older women? Ones who've gotten past some of the silliness?

People tend to meet your expectations. We all fall into the habit of either expecting way too much or way too little.

[Guest]

Original OP ?'s

How do you guys feel about this? I've always been attracted to older men. I started dating college guys when I was 15, and now rarely date anyone less than their mid-40's or so (I'm 31). I find that older men are more patient, more understanding, more willing to listen to me, less inclined to be full of machismo, and more knowledgeable in bed. If I feel like sitting in a coffee shop and discussing archeology or something, a guy my age would probably think I was crazy, but older men are more likely to have interests beyond their cars or football.
Not sure how this play out when I'm 60 .. lol ... but for now I much prefer older men over guys my age.

my reply: do what makes you happy. one day you might feel different and date someone your age, or even younger. that only time will tell. but untill you that day, your dating, so date who you want, when you want.

as for other statements written here, the one about guys with money and stuff. maybe it was taken out of content, but their are plenty of women who are gold-diggers. as well for the fact their are plenty of both genders who just dont grow up. both sexes are guilty for many things, and one gets burnt from dating it takes a while to get in the swuing of things and find someone who in of NORMAL, QUALITY MATERIAL. thats why dating is hard these days b/c many people these days just dont have morals, & values anymore. and the funny thing is they scream that they want it, but when they have it, they dont appraciate it and want something different.
trying to find the right combination is extreamly difficult these days as society makes it that way with what is out thier.

[Guest]

How do you guys feel about this? I've always been attracted to older men.

I did'nt take that this had anything to do with a money issue other than the simple common tho't, it's naturally nice to hook up with a fellow that's established and has some cash in his pocket and not a credit card neither

I's funny I've always dated older women since high school and married 2 older than me. But now since my marriage is falling thru when I go out, where ever I am I'm looking at women younger than I

Hey I'm only 50 but I don't really feel 50, hows it suppose to feel, I don't know. I know I have to be careful.

Like most of us here I feel it's really a personal preference and knowing how you really are likewise knowing the man to some degree at least.

I know I can't think as a woman but lets say for reasoning sake I can................. If I was a30-35 yr old woman I would want a 40-45 yr old male. They by averages have a better chance at being well established, some, well groomed, and they have what younger men don't have. Experience, not in sex only altho that should be a given, but in life, I'm saying most men not all men!

My opinion is influenced by my currently local.
I think CW your not quite right on the mature issue.
Yes, men can be mature at having things established shortly, and be mature. But the averages tell me most men at the age we are talking about will be more of all that plus xtra.

To me it's the school of hard knocks that makes or breaks a man. It's the other side of life that has it's privilege of knowing only by that older group of men. It can't be done. It's an Elite club if you will.

It's like 2 Big corn fed Bucks in the field ready to do business with their fighting racks and fight for their prize! There's a good chance the Old Buck will do a job of putting him in his place. There will be a day tho when the Old Buck will Lose

But the op mentions dating like that since high school so it was a progression of older men along the way. I was kinda stuck on the age she mentioned, mid 40's-50, naturally!

I will say I personally know 2 women that 1 is mid 30's and the other is early 40's and live with or are married to the men in their mid 60's. Sometimes I don't quite get it when there is a real big spread of age. It naturally makes me think what they are really together for. But that would be their business whatever it's for.

good question!

[anonymouswhitefemale]

it's naturally nice to hook up with a fellow that's established and has some cash in his pocket and not a credit card neither

It's 'naturally nice'. Sure. If you can choose one guy that you like slightly less than another, it'd be nice for them to be stinking rich so they can buy you lots of presents. It's natural, to want stuff. However, it doesn't stop you being a ......... Which, in itself is fine, but you need to be honest with yourself. You can't diss street working women for selling themselves when all you're doing is a slightly more intellectual version of the same trade. I'm not saying that this is true of Happy Ending, it's obvious that isn't the case.

And WildChild, yeah, I'd be up for an older woman, it's just finding one.

[Guest]

I can understand saying that you believe that someone is shallow, but calling them the "W" word?

[Guest]

I don't look at a working woman wanting to date a guy that has a little wealth something a little less than a ***** or that it's bad to have that prerequisite before getting serious. I do realize there are women out there, that yes, that's all they are seeking, wealth, nothing else. I'm talking of respectable women.

[Toni]

From personal experience, if you date older guys, for whatever reason - you will get labeled as a golddigger.
I used to refuse to date guys anywhere near my age. Always older.
But I'm no where near a golddigger.
Yes, all of them were successful, but only because I live in Los Angeles, and a lot of the older men out here are. But there were lots and lots of times where I paid for our dinners. But it is L.A... people see an older guy, with a younger attractive girl and they assume. People at restaurants would be staring up until it was my credit card that was being handed over to pay the bill.
I'm VERY independent. I don't like when guys buy me things, and I don't like when the guy always pays for dinner.
Women want equality, but only when its convenient for them. Which is bull, if women want equality, they need to work towards it, and these are the small steps to take.

Now, back on topic. If you like dating older guys - don't stop. They truly are a lot different than guys your own age. Most of the time, they're more mannered and more respectful. I say most because I've met my fair share of older jerks too.

[WildChild]

At one time relationships, both personal and clan, were about survival. One or two individuals alone had a much tougher time than a group with some division of labor and specialization. With the development agriculture things stabilized in some ways but it still needed an extended family or more, to be beyond subsistance. In these time the labors of both men and women may have had differentiation (pregnancy and nursing do make staying close to home more desirable for survival) both where both valued and needed to ensure the survival of the next generation.

With the rise of patriarchy and the increase of specialization, leisure time, and the loss of reverence for women's role in reproduction. Women's labor in general didn't decrease but became devalued. That continues to this day, with only a small percent of women's labor included in any nations GNP, since so much of it is unpaid. Women who work full time still do most of the house work, cleaning, child rearing and in many places manual labor unpaid. Our social structures do allow some women to simply stay home with varying degrees of productivity. I've been there and had times when I was depressed and found it hard to get much done. Many of us, I think my generation really got it, received mixed messages growing up. We were told in many ways that we should grow up, get married, have babies and stay home but then (my generation it was when we were teens) we also told we should have a job and support ourselves and our children. Remember the old Virginia Slims Ads? Truth is doing both well is really tough. We are torn between the need to be with and available to our children and the need to produce an income.

Add into the above, the social expectation which many men and women hold that an adequate or successful man is one who is able to fully support and provide for his wife and children and you have a set up where women look for a man who is financially stable and successful and there are men who take pride in being in that posistion. Where the problem arises is when people outside the economic level where that is possible still expect it.

Men or women who wish to give nothing are not good relationship material. Our social expectations include many gestures based in basic needs. A man gifts a woman with an often expensive ring to demostrate his regard for her and his willingness and ability to support her and any children they may have. She wears it to indicate that she has accepted one man and is not open to other offers, it also indicates to some degree his wealth and social posistion. It's all part of the dance of relationships. The maintence of sexual exclusivity and posistioning and status.

Anony, a women who is self sufficient and self supporting has often learned to avoid men who are not at least at her level economically or higher. Because in many covert and overt ways our societies and sometimes laws still give men a greater economic control if she were to marry. Some women aren't bothered by the idea of supporting a man financially but in general both men and women haven't lost the deeply socialized belief that it's just not right. You may lable a woman who looks for a man to support her but what do you call a man who expects a woman to support him? Like it or not in the US and Europe women doing the same work still earn less than men (in the US it's 77 cents to a man's dollar) this enforces women's economic dependency. Add to that, women are more likely to work in lower paying, service and care jobs - child and elder care, social work, teaching. Women are also much more likely to end up taking time from a career to be caregivers to aging parents, children or sick family members. These are necessary things, they have to be done, someone has to do it. Women carry most of that burden. This places women at an economic disadvantage because these services aren't given the value they would have if they were paid for or if men did them.

I doubt if you or I will live to see a time of balanced, truly equitable living between the sexes. I hope we are moving toward it, there are many forces fighting hard against it, particularly religious. Many people have a hard time with change, even when it is for the good. For now allow others to do what works for them. Figure out what, hopefully positive, will work for you. We have at least the advantage of living in a time where there are options in lifestyles!