[4years-girl]

I joined this forum specifically to see if I was crazy or not.

I have been dating my current (first and only) boyfriend for 4 years now. We're freshmen in college. He works somewhere on campus, and at the beginning of this semester, he gained a new coworker. A female coworker, our age. They hit it off and became friends pretty quickly.

They acquired each other's phone numbers, though initially they thought it was a bad idea because that would mean they'd never stop talking to each other. Which is the truth. They text daily. I don't think they talk on the phone.

After their work shift was over for the day, he would go to her apartment and help her with math. I get uncomfortably jealous when I think about it. I feel like I know that he would never cheat on me. He has been nothing but loyal. While I, the untrusting girlfriend, have read his text messages without him knowing.

I know, I know. Terrible. Invasion of privacy. It makes me sick to think that I could do such a thing. But I have. And sometimes what I read scares me. And it's really nothing that bad. He just makes her mixed CDs and I'm pretty confident that she's made him a scarf, but I haven't really heard anything about it. She calls him a creep. I feel like I'm being crazy and needy and that I have no reason to be upset over this girl.

He's allowed to be friends with whomever he wants, right?

[4years-girl]

Oh, and I forgot to mention.

A few years back I read his e-mail. He'd been e-mailing a mutual friend of ours, and I was convinced she was talking badly about me (and she was). So that kind of severed the trust between us. And recently I read his Facebook messages, and told him about it. He was just beginning to regain his trust for me, but obviously I lost it again. I told him, after that, it would never happen again. Then I go and do this. I feel like I should be trusted, but when I look at what I've done, I have second thoughts. Maybe I can't be.

Can a relationship last with no trust?

[Guest]

He's allowed to be friends with whomever he wants, right?

Yes he can!

Can a relationship last with no trust?

Yes it can, but it wont be a healthy one.

[torn2pieces]

I joined this forum specifically to see if I was crazy or not.

I have been dating my current (first and only) boyfriend for 4 years now. We're freshmen in college. He works somewhere on campus, and at the beginning of this semester, he gained a new coworker. A female coworker, our age. They hit it off and became friends pretty quickly.

They acquired each other's phone numbers, though initially they thought it was a bad idea because that would mean they'd never stop talking to each other. Which is the truth. They text daily. I don't think they talk on the phone.

After their work shift was over for the day, he would go to her apartment and help her with math. I get uncomfortably jealous when I think about it. I feel like I know that he would never cheat on me. He has been nothing but loyal. While I, the untrusting girlfriend, have read his text messages without him knowing.

I know, I know. Terrible. Invasion of privacy. It makes me sick to think that I could do such a thing. But I have. And sometimes what I read scares me. And it's really nothing that bad. He just makes her mixed CDs and I'm pretty confident that she's made him a scarf, but I haven't really heard anything about it. She calls him a creep. I feel like I'm being crazy and needy and that I have no reason to be upset over this girl.

He's allowed to be friends with whomever he wants, right?

If you suspect something then snoop so that you get the correct answer. I have similar issues.

[sTyLeRock]

umm.. well i would think his behavior is unacceptable.. and i would suggest respectfuly let your partner know that you are uncomfortable with how much contact he is having with her and ask if he can just cut back on the contact for you.

i did this with my girlfriend as she was texting one of her close guy friends like non-stop and she accepted what i said and only speaks to him a couple times a day if that.

-Daniel

[4years-girl]

umm.. well i would think his behavior is unacceptable.. and i would suggest respectfuly let your partner know that you are uncomfortable with how much contact he is having with her and ask if he can just cut back on the contact for you.

i did this with my girlfriend as she was texting one of her close guy friends like non-stop and she accepted what i said and only speaks to him a couple times a day if that.

-Daniel

He is aware of how much this bothers me. I'm under the impression that it is wrong to control him in the matter of who he speaks to. But I suppose I suggested the extreme: "Get her completely out of your life before I explode." I could try just asking him to "cut back," but what is he supposed to do? Ignore her texts for my sake?

[happy ending]

i am sorry but he goes to her apartment, makes her cd's it sounds as if this is leading up to something. he might not be aware of the implications of his behaviour but it sounds like he is skating on thin ice. but yes it is wrong to check up on him, you are the one who will end up looking bad, no matter what is or isnt going on with her.

[Guest]

ok 4years-girl, you ask and im going to give it to you straight. no beating around the bush as the saying goes.

you asked:He's allowed to be friends with whomever he wants, right?
answer: YES. just as you are too.
you asked:Can a relationship last with no trust?
answer: not very long.

first and foremost, trust, trust and TRUST. if you have a problem you have to ask your partner about it. asking us is our opinion and he may think different. some of may have the answers you seek and some of may not.
you mentioned you did things before and how did it go? not to good and he just got back to trusting you and you pull another stunt. its going to get worse if yuo cant control it and it will ruin every relationship you will ever have. unless you find the guy who you can control and then one day he will get sick of it also.
everyone has a little bit of trust issues, its human nature. some are scared of loseing the ones they love, (such as what you are doing now) but if he loves you he will not stray.
as for how close they are, maybe they do conect on things you and him dont. and there is nothing wrong with that. you do not have to be involved in everything your lover is into. you have to have a bit of your own space as he does too. it makes for more conversation and a better relationship period.
so what, she may have had made a scarf, that isnt as personal as giving him pictures of herself.
alot of women have a guy as there best friend, and alot of guys have a woman as there best friend. and if they are good freinds you should be happy untill possotive proof says differently.

i personally have a female as my best friend. and the reason is simple. when i did have a guy as my best friend, my then g/f cheated on me with him. so i will never have another best friend as a guy. and besides haveing a best friend of a woman can be helpfull in searching at times. i get great advice from her. she is now married and we are still great friends. and her husband has became a good friend of mine now. and he is understanding of our relationship.
besides, maybe you can be friends with her and now do the girls night out thing and have great times together. make a new friend and dont lose him from being jealous.

think about this: how would you feel if he was jealous of your guy friends. always turn thigns around and see how you would feel. then maybe you can make the changes you need to make to be happier and more secure.

good luck and STOP acting this way. its going to get messy if you don't.

[Joy]

ok well its like this he can be friends with whoever he wants. So can you...

instead of worrying why not make new friends make sure some of them are guy friends too. It sounds like in your mind he has a girl he spends emotional time with.... this makes you jealous and uncomfortable.... and that is ok its healthy but obsessing over it is not healthy.

Make guy friends hang out with them.... turn the tables even out the playing field so you don't feel like this. I'm not suggesting you make him jealous but i think it might ease yours. I think you feel like he is giving her attention and you get none. Make guy friends then you will get that attention for a guy even when you BF is not around.

You guys are young ya don't need to be so limiting with each other that you suffocate one another. you have lots of years to grow yet.

[Lrgjake3]

The truth is i think an open relationship is the best one. It shouldnt be called snooping if you believe this is the one then your lives will be eventually intertwined. Im trying to get trust back for the one i love and we have similar problems except on the opposite side. She has male friends, and yes your right he has and she has the right to be friends with whom ever they please. My point is it shouldnt be called snooping, things should be open between you guys if you call it snooping doesnt mean theres something to hide or something hidden. I believe if someone acts as though there appalled that you want to see there texts maybe they are hiding something. What is it going to hurt making everything a little more open? I think that should just make the relationship stronger, just my opinion though. Good luck