[Guest]

I've been seeing a man for about a year and a half - he is 19 years my senior and things are great. The problem is, he has a long-term girlfriend (7 years) that knows nothing about me. She lives out of town and he travels to see her every other weekend.

I've been feeling very guillty about it, and I'm wondering if I should tell her.

[imported_kaylar]

Not Good


I take it from your post you didn't realise you'd be
the 'other woman' in this story when you started it.

There's no reason to upset the 'rightful' woman...
because if it wasn't you it would be someone else.

You are the 'default' woman. That is, when his
real girlfriend isn't there, and no one else he'd
like to be with it, he'll be with you.

He will tell you whatever story he needs to.

You should pull out of the relationship before
you are the one embarrassed. For it may be
if it comes between you and her, you lose.

[imported_karen]

I agree with the previous poster. Walk out now that you have a chance. God forbid that you get pregnant. The advantage of being the mistress is that there are no strings attached. You can walk out whenever you want to. Do it before it's too late. Sounds like you are young and I am sure you can find someone else.

In my case I am the wife and my husband is the one cheating on me. We have a 3 1/2 year old. He is the only thing that's stopping me from walking out but I will do it.

Good luck.

[imported_kaylar]

Never Stay for the Sake of a Child


One of the biggest mistakes we make is to 'stay'
because of the child. This gives a child a completely
warped image of what relationships between parents
are supposed to be.

The damage done to a child living in a failed relationship
is enormous. It is better you live in a shelter then for
a child to get the image of 'family' as a woman who
stays and suffers and a man who *****s around.

[amom]

I've been seeing a man for about a year and a half - he is 19 years my senior and things are great. The problem is, he has a long-term girlfriend (7 years) that knows nothing about me. She lives out of town and he travels to see her every other weekend.

I've been feeling very guillty about it, and I'm wondering if I should tell her.

If you like being a fill-in lover I guess it is fine but why not find a guy who wants one woman only in his life?

[queenbee]

Me Too

I am the mistress too...it is hard to be where you are...trust me I know. And it is hard for people who are not or have never been in this situation to understand but I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I love this man and other days I ask myself how can I love this man. You can't help who you fall in love with, only time will tell what happens between the two of you, but whatever happens make sure that you are happy. You are not alone.....more woman than you know (or who care to admit) are in the same boat....

[kaylar]

One of my relatives, from the very stupid side of the family,
was a mistress for many years.

Every Xmas was the same big depression.
He'd be with his family, she'd be alone and
we'd all have to rally around her.

We'd be having a wonderful time and someone
would mention Auntie Petey and we'd have to
go into dead boredom to spend time with her.

Every so often the lover and his wife went on a trip...
a cruise maybe....a visit to a big city...and the
basketcase, Auntie Petey was demanding the family
rally round her.

Then the lover died.
She wanted all of us to go to the funeral.
I mean...
what?

Well she was really insulted and the house she
was living in? Not in her name...so the wife threw
her out.

By this time Petey was deep in her forties...

It turned me off completely to anything that smells
like being the other woman.

[Guest]

I too am a mistress. That sounds funny to say. I knew he was married from the beginning. I assumed I would be the girlfriend until he got a divorce. He is not going to get a divorce and he struggles with that. He struggles too with our relationship. He cares about his wife's feelings, enough not to leave her, her emotional and mental state are not good, and his life is entangled with children, stepchildren, grandchildren. For years he has felt as though he were living with a friend...a sister.

Now he struggles with his feelings for me, for his deep, passionate, profound love for me. He can not and will not promise me anything more than what we have now. He spends as much time with me as he is able. He worries over the things he can't do and provide for me.

I am a tangle of emotions. I can't walk away. He is the most wonderfully sweet and loving man I've ever known. I don't know that I can stay either.

[kaylar]

Tammy, you know he is never going to leave his wife,
and if, for any reason, the wife decides to move
across country, he is going with her.

For some reason, in his relationship with his wife,
he feels some need to incorporate a mistress..
it could be that his wife is very important and
busy, or that she seems to like the children
more than she likes him, or she won't give him
blow jobs...whatever.

But he will NEVER leave his wife for you.

If anything happens to you...you can't call
him. He won't come. If you want to see
how little you mean to him, just dare to
push yourself into his 'real' life.

Please don't give me that emotional/mental
state argument.

(I am going to keep a straight face while I
type this..but it is hard)

Al told Jasmine that he couldn't leave his wife...
she was emotionally fragile, and mentally just
hanging by a thread, and there was the baby
to look about.

Jasmine believed him, she loved him so much!
She would just 'die' for him.

She happened to become friends with Gloria,
and told Gloria about her 'darling sweet sugar'...
and Gloria was aghast...
"Do you know who he's married to?"

After a smart remark, Gloria was shown Al's
wife...

She was a leading lawyer who had recently
been elected to office. (Imagine a younger
more lively Hilary Clinton)

(Gloria told me this story...so it is her
perspective...)

Jasmine turned nine colours, looked as if
she was about to faint, (because she wasn't
half as pretty as the wife) and muttered...
"I voted for her!"

(Al's wife used her maiden name at all times...
she had disassociated to some extent due to
his inability to keep his pants on, so many
people did not know she was married or to
whom)

[housewife]

Once a cheater always a cheater

I can't imagine how a woman could do this - not to another woman but to herself???
can you imagine how much you degrade yourself when you accept to be "the mistress"??

He did it with you
He will do it to you.