[kaylar]

Being a Mistress is one of the stupider positions
women get themselves into.

Firstly, he can and will lie because she often
has no way to check his statements.

Where the wife has authority and connection;
so she can march up to the front desk, "This
is Mrs. CEO, I need to see him now!"

What can Mistress do?

Where the wife can call him whenever she needs
him, what can the Mistress do?

If you read about Auntie Petey, from the stupid
side of the family; she was the laughing stock.
And when the wife threw her out of the house,
the entire district had a big laugh.

The worst case scenario happens when after
twenty years of mistressing, wife dies and
husband marries someone else, (twenty years
younger) and dumps mistress.

It happened to a colleague of mine who spent
her life; from twenty five to forty five being the
mistress of Mr. M, and when Mr. M's wife got
sick and died, in six months he had dumped
the mistress, in six more months he married
Young thing.

So here's the ex-mistress today.
She's in her fifties.
Never married
never had a child
nothing in her life but work.
And Mr. M despises her, because he,
of course, blames her for not allowing
him to spend more time with his dear
departed wife.

[alibaby]

As a child who lived on the other side of this situation...

My father cheated on my mom and started a common-law relationship in another country and had two other children. After my mom passed away, he brought me and my brother to this country and tried to have us all live as one big happy family, calling this woman 'Mommy'. (I always wondered if my mother knew). 'Mommy' saw us 'new kids' as the step-children and took all of her frustrations at our father out on us, but especially me because I was a girl and, therefore, competition for her daughters. He cheated on her, several times. Both of my brothers followed in his footsteps. Dad and 'Mommy' never married and eventually split up (don't even want to get into the five year legal battle that followed). But I learned from their examples that a relationship started on a faulty foundation will never stand. It also left me with a general distrust of men (If you can't trust your own father, who can you trust?) And 'Mommy' was an example that no self-respecting woman would ever want to follow. It's not worth the mess that it creates for everyone involved, and especially if there are children. Find yourself a man who can be there for you 100%. Your 'boyfriend' will never be completely yours. He will always be tied to his wife.

[kaylar]

Alibaby, that is a very beautiful and painful post.
But one many women need to read and understand
to realise that what they do effects their children.

Auntie Petey,fortunately, never had children.
And is just a miserable old woman today.
She spent her twenties and thirties as a man's
mistress, and when he died she was in her
forties and had nothing.

[alibaby]

Kaylar,

I've enjoyed reading your posts and the insight you have on so many issues. This is a great place to share experiences in the hope of helping others. Another twist in my story is that the last woman that Dad cheated with turned out to be a close friend of his cousin (they worked in the same hospital). And cousin was a close friend of 'Mommy'. This cousin happened to stop by the other woman's apartment one day for a friendly visit. Dad was there. Cousin later visited 'Mommy' and told her about the affair. The war that errupted! So it's not just families that can be destroyed, but also friendships when others get dragged into a situation that should never have started. Dad is getting 'up there' in age and I know that he regrets what he did and how it has affected all of his children. I don't think that anyone who has an affair will ever look back in their old age and be proud of making that choice.

Tammy, go with your gut feeling. You know what you must do. It will be hard, but you have to forget about his feelings and take care of YOU!

[kaylar]

Thanks, alibaby.
I just hope women read what we've written and don't
twist up their faces, 'ohhhhh noooo. Not me! My lover
LUVs me!"

If you could have seen the look on Gloria's face as
she recounted Jasmine's 'shock & awe' when she
realised her 'darling sweet sugar' had made a complete
idiot out of her....

Men don't tell their mistresses..

"Look, I'm intimidated by my wife. She's brighter than
me, makes more money, and I feel inferior. So I'm looking
for a piece of garbage who'll tongue clean my toes for a
few bucks."

I have a friend who is incapable of being faithful to
anyone, save the mistress of the minute. He betrays
his wife for the mistress, she usually has a baby or
two, wife divorces him, he marries the mistress, then
finds another mistress,has a few babies with her, then
divorces her, marries the mistress...we are on marriage
number five, and mistress wants him to divorce wife
and marry her.

And then there's the Mistress wars...

My favourite case is where the wife knew about
the mistress, and it was okay, because the wife
had a lover. She would arrange with the mistress
where and when so as to enable her to carry on
her affair.

Then she found out her husband had another
girlfriend on top of the mistress, a girl she didn't
know.

The wife called the Mistress, told her where the
husband was and with whom, and the Mistress
and her sister went over there, beat up the
girlfriend, gave him a conk on the head with
a beer bottle, and it was one hell of a mix up.

The wife, of course, was 'left out', and the police
were never called so that the wife 'wouldn't know.'

[yogurl2]

I too was a mistress but i cut it off with him until they got divorced. they arent divorced but they are now seperated and are in the process of the divorce. unfortunately it wasnt becasue of me she's divorcing him because of financial problems. anyway my point is at least let him break it off with her if he is really serious about you he will.

[CEBOULD]

Shame On You

Well Wright Know Im Dealing With Somewhat The Same Thing But On The Other Side I Am The "wifey" And I Just Lost My Daughter And We Went Through A Ruff Time We Couldnot And Did Not Talk About What Had Just Happened And Things Got Really Bad We Parted For A Couple Of Months But Not And Then Got Back Together I Found Out A Couple Of Months Ago That He Got This Girl Pregos Well It Was Going On While We Were Together It Started After Our Loss He Told Her What Ever She Needed To Hear Yes I Was Depressed And I Shut Down I Would Have Done It Now Were Back Together And I Have To Deal With His Mistake We Dont Want The Baby But Dont Believe In Abortion The Femal Thinks Just Cause She Is Having It That He Will Come Back To Her All The While She Is Alone And If I Have Any Thing Do With It Its Going To Stay This Way Unless I Back Out No Problem With The Child Will Pay Support But Thats It Ask Your Self If You Want To Be In This Type Situation Its A Lose Lose Not Only Is She Dealing With This So Am I You Need Get With Someone Who Will Chose You To Be #1 Not The Last On The List

[CEBOULD]

Shame On You

Well Wright Know Im Dealing With Somewhat The Same Thing But On The Other Side I Am The "wifey" And I Just Lost My Daughter And We Went Through A Ruff Time We Couldnot And Did Not Talk About What Had Just Happened And Things Got Really Bad We Parted For A Couple Of Months But Not And Then Got Back Together I Found Out A Couple Of Months Ago That He Got This Girl Pregos Well It Was Going On While We Were Together It Started After Our Loss He Told Her What Ever She Needed To Hear Yes I Was Depressed And I Shut Down I Would Have Done It Now Were Back Together And I Have To Deal With His Mistake We Dont Want The Baby But Dont Believe In Abortion The Femal Thinks Just Cause She Is Having It That He Will Come Back To Her All The While She Is Alone And If I Have Any Thing Do With It Its Going To Stay This Way Unless I Back Out No Problem With The Child Will Pay Support But Thats It Ask Your Self If You Want To Be In This Type Situation Its A Lose Lose Not Only Is She Dealing With This So Am I You Need Get With Someone Who Will Chose You To Be #1 Not The Last On The List

[kittie21692000]

Men

my father had another women. I tried to tell my mom but she wouldnt listen. This women was my mom best friend. One day we found letters to the other women where my dad was ****ed off that she was seeing another man. Dont do this to another women. How would u feel to find out the man u are with is seeing someone else? How can u share a man with another women? Someone needs to tell the women what kind of man she is with. i know u cant control who u are attracted too but have some respect for women. If he is doing this to her, how many other women do u think he might be seeing?!?

[kaylar]

Men who cheat on their wives...
cheat.

They cheat whereever and whenever able.
They cheat on their mistresses, their girlfriends,
any woman whom they feel 'sure' of.

You can marry the other woman's husband.
He'll cheat on you just as he cheated on her.

He will always cheat.

We are not talking about a loyal and faithful husband
whose wife left him; we are not talking about a loyal
and faithful husband whose wife is having an affair
so he has one, we are talking about the Ram Goat
who goes out looking to have an affair.

If not you, the woman behind you.

Men who cheat, cheat.

Some wives don't care. They have lives and would
divorce him if he existed, but he doesn't exist in her
world.

So he goes out from gal to gal telling the same
stories.