[CHANDLERS WISH]

ORG...

That's not the only reason why I'm "OG." I'm not some dog. If I have designs on sleeping with her, I'm going to make our first time together something she'll never forget. I'm not in to the one night stand. If it happens, so be it. But if sleep with her, and it was great sex all the way around, I plan on keeping her around. That's another lesson the PUA community doesn't teach.

OG, sounds like a Dog, I'm changing it to what comes up when I do spell check, seems to be appropriate of your hypno.... ORG...

But, if the lady is say 20, most of the guys she is seeing, is going to look at your thoughts there of keeping her around, but not for anything other than sex, because there is no connection, other than chemistry... and they may deem the realtionship, more as FWB's, whilst the lady, is hoping this is going to be the one this time, he likes me, because he came back.. and gets deflated..

Then what for her? How does she get past then, the FWB's stage. And, i use this loosely, because a "friend" to me is someone you know alot about, she would class the guy as a "friend" without really knowing too much about him, more of a guy she met, who she thought was watching a movie with her as a friend and possible future boyfriend.

My take there is to NOT allow him over your house until you've "dated" a couple times, which is OTYA's thoughts...

What's yours guys?

Unless you slept with someone you weren't initially attracted to, thought the sex was less than you thought it would be, or just desensitized to sex with women, then the bonding chemicals come on in force during orgasm while in coitus.

That's interesting and true.. If there was a real chemistry to begin with, and both can let their inhibitions go, during this intimacy, it's amazing.. How many guys actually, however, want a women to feel that "amazing" as aposed to just bonk her, is a different story.

The guys here, writting, (are, for the best part an acception), just looking back, reflecting. Maybe it's Australian men, age, maturity, who knows.

OTYA... It's evident, from all your posts, that you were a player to a degree, but your mindset, eventually didn't want to be that person anymore, and as a result look where you are, who you are with, it's to be commended.

Alot of what is written, explains where we want this/these girls to fall into girlfriend catagory, status, where they are not actually getting there because they're giving first base up too soon.

As, I said, that's the hard part, it's easy to say close your legs for a while so thanks for all the definitions of why...alot of effort and thoughts there, well placed.

Interesting thread.

[OG612]

ORG...


OG, sounds like a Dog, I'm changing it to what comes up when I do spell check, seems to be appropriate of your hypno.... ORG...

It's not "Og" like Og Mandino, but OG as in "Oh geee...."

SOME REALLY GOOD POINTS

What's yours guys?

That's why I PREACH the management of expectations and setting boundaries and limitations. This is something hardly anybody does and why so many relationships fail.

That's interesting and true.. If there was a real chemistry to begin with, and both can let their inhibitions go, during this intimacy, it's amazing.. How many guys actually, however, want a women to feel that "amazing" as aposed to just bonk her, is a different story.

If I'm going to sleep with a woman, it's not going to be rote, mechanical sex. I got an email from an ex a few weeks ago who I haven't talked to since 2007 saying that she still hasn't found anybody with my passion or ability for sex. Another one from early last year said that she can't find someone who was able to connect with her like I could... and she's 44 or 45 now. I'm now 27.

The difference between me and most every other guy out there is that I am the difference. For as cocky and arrogant as that sounds, it's the truth. And if there's one thing you've learned about me by now, Kanga, is that I don't bullshat.

The guys here, writting, (are, for the best part an exception), just looking back, reflecting. Maybe it's Australian men, age, maturity, who knows.

Neither do I.

Alot of what is written, explains where we want this/these girls to fall into girlfriend category, status, where they are not actually getting there because they're giving first base up too soon.

As, I said, that's the hard part, it's easy to say close your legs for a while so thanks for all the definitions of why...alot of effort and thoughts there, well placed.

Interesting thread.[/QUOTE]

We all do what we can to contribute.

OG

[miss.sin.t.uh]

Hi, Im 20, and I am somewhat glad, I read this article. First I am finally single after a 4 year relationship, which means i was 16 when i was last single. This month has been a crazy month. I really did things wrong to begin with. But after a while I decided to "keep my legs close". I've had a couple of guys i was "talking to" but it only got somewhere (or should i say no where) with 3.
I was not sleeping with all 4 or 3. But some I've already had sex before. Two of them really liked me (or made it seem that way). One of them, (the last one i will mention) I actually considered the one i was going out with. You know, the more serious kind of thing.
Well my Ex, is still in the picture, in the way that we talk to each other and he really wants another chance, but I am trying to distance myself.
Next is a ladies man who i went to high school with. We spend a night together, yes I did the deed and then he contacted me again, attempted to do it again, but i refused this time. After that, he has been really blowing me off.
Alright, then we have another friend who i spent a night with. He also wanted to sleep with me, as tempted as i was I knew i shouldn't. We hung out the day before this, and he texted me really sweet things and called me. He flattered me with words and compliments. After i refused to have sex with him, things seemed really bad. Like he was mad? I don't know. He ended up saying he doesn't want to see me, because I "got some growing up to do". Where in the world does he get this from? Last thing i knew was that i was "a wonderful person" and that he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. Yet, after that night that we did not have sex, everything just fell.
Alright so lastly I have also been talking to another person who i had sex before. He is older than me by 10 years, and he did the whole dinner and date thing. It was great and I appreciated it. Well tonight will mark the second day that I refuse to have sex with him, and tonight we had a talk. He pretty much doesn't see this working out.

It is easy to understand what is going on here... I am a walking sex object. And thats all there is to me (well to them). It saddens me that reality is like this. I guess i was just so ignorant because of my age and experience to actually think, Holy krrap people find me interesting lol. But im learning. And the truth is not very pretty. This has not really hurt my self esteem, I know who I am and i know I am worth the time and effort. But it has made me really sad to think most man are like that. And this thread has my head spinning with all different opinions. I mean we are talking about woman here! not just objects. why can't man be more considerate. If sex is ALL they want, why can't they just say it? Why try to win us over? Geez i dont know.

Well, I broke it off with all these man. Or apparently they broke it off. And i have decided to really stay away for a while. I am so vulnerable at this point, which is dangerous. However with a little bit of self-control and self- respect, Im doing fine. Over all this thread has overwhelmed me and scared me to be honest. Single life is scary, and trying to figure out what a man is after, is so hard to tell yet easy.


any advice? comments? words of wisdom?
p.s excuse my typos and bad vocab, i dont take my time typing.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I opened this for guys to answer, seeing as there is a few now on this Forum.

I am sorry for your pain and hurt and if this thread can guide you, further then it's a blessing no?

There is a "key", You know your worth it but ulitmately, you keep getting sucked in.

I have a theory, you have even stated, you've learnt to keep your legs crossed. Do you really ooze confidence? Do you really know what you are worth? And, as a result, easily able to read the signs?

I think, you know your a good girl, you know you have a heart of gold, you know you want so much to be loved, if only they can see, you have worked out to keep your legs crossed for a bit, but how many men have you tried this on, since making that decision 1?

You will find the men's responses very interesting..

I've just opened the door for you to explain a little more so that they can.

I was your age once I won't share my first love, but I will say, 11 years later, until I totally let go...

And we were on and off all that time.

Like me, it will "come to you" at some stage, pending on alot and including up-bringing and support..

Let this at least guide you.... cause, lol 11 years is too long, "on and off" was engaged within that time, and yeah chemistry was hot as , so that played a part but the part I didn't see? Was I was worth more than sexual hotness, ..........

It's hard to learn but way rewarding when you do.

I am whom I am as a result of seeing ALOT about me ... but all was worth experiencing because it has made me whom I am today..

AND , I love me.

CW

[Livelaughlove]

I believe your misunderstand the men, there dating views, as well as your role.

Sigh. My sisters friend had the same issue and it took me 5 hours to help her. haha So Im sure im going to miss alot of things but hopefully this sets you straight.

Now understand that I have your best interest at heart so please dont take anything I say offensive.

First. The men you attract is a direct representation of your character. You just left out of a 4yr relationship most people when they leave a long term relationship they get a feeling of fear of being alone. Which is why alot of relationships stay together longer then they should. So when they finally do break up both are left with a feeling of needing to depend on another person because they have never really secured there independence. Now the men your constantly talking to are picking up this "Needy" behavior sub-consciously.

So you have to gain a sense of Independence and security in yourself before you have a healthy relationship, one that you are equals and where they dont depend on each other but they COMPLIMENT each other.

Second,you are not a walking sex object. Well maybe alittle but not to the degree you think. The reason why these men are telling you to grow up is because they think you have no integrity your inconsistent with your thoughts and actions. To understand what I mean you have to understand how the difference between men and women!

• Women respond base on moods, thoughts and/or desires at any given moment! They can change in a heartbeat.
• Men respond to situations based on a very basic/linear system. Which scenario has the greatest outcome of success to the least risk. When men do something its very consistent. We are logical beings.
• Which is why men and women are always so confused on the other. Because our brains work VERY VERY DIFFERENTLY!

The reason why there telling you to grow up is because your not acting on a consistent basis. AND YOUR USING SEX TO CONTROL MEN. Your giving a man sex then taking it away from them as a way keep him interested and invested. This confuses the man because now he expects it (remember men are linear). Its OK to tease a man with sex but its not OK to control him with sex. Trust me your not the only women who does this. Its actually pretty standard practice between women and AVERAGE men.

I mean we are talking about woman here! not just objects. why can't man be more considerate. If sex is ALL they want, why can't they just say it? Why try to win us over? Geez i dont know.

What your saying here is "Why can't men just accept that womens mood changes from second to second and they should accept that and be willing to put up with this"

Now I ask you this "Why cant you put your emotions aside and do things consistently"

But thats the barrier between men and women. Without a serious amount of dedication from a PERSON (man or female) there will never be able to think like the other.

Well, I broke it off with all these man. Or apparently they broke it off. And i have decided to really stay away for a while. I am so vulnerable at this point, which is dangerous. However with a little bit of self-control and self- respect, Im doing fine. Over all this thread has overwhelmed me and scared me to be honest. Single life is scary, and trying to figure out what a man is after, is so hard to tell yet easy.


any advice? comments? words of wisdom?
p.s excuse my typos and bad vocab, i dont take my time typing.

Your problem is not that men want sex your problem is that if your going to have sex with these men then make sure you know what you want out of it.

If its a relationship then treat the courtship as one. If its just sex then treat it as if its just that.

As far as the men in your life go:

My sisters once told me something very interesting. Finding a man that knows how a women thinks is like trying to hit the lottery. haha I thought the same about a women.

So the key is to understand how the other thinks

Hope this helps
Live laugh and love

[WildChild]

[QUOTE
I got an email from an ex a few weeks ago who I haven't talked to since 2007 saying that she still hasn't found anybody with my passion or ability for sex. Another one from early last year said that she can't find someone who was able to connect with her like I could... and she's 44 or 45 now. I'm now 27.

[/QUOTE]

That may do your ego a lot of good, but has probably done little positive for her long term. OTYA was right, this is hurtful. She connected, you played. You are still very young, for all you think you understand, you are missing the biggest piece of the picture. There may come a day when you evolve to a place where you "get it", or not. There are a lot of people who never get there.

[miss.sin.t.uh]

I think I make it very easy for them. I mean as far as their intentions go, I can handle and If all they want is sex, I hope they can let me know. But 2 men have told me that is not what they want AT ALL. But like someone mentioned early, actions speak louder than words, because all their actions and body language speaks otherwise whenever Im around.

I haven't been single too long, I been taking the breakup easier than I thought, I guess cuz I kept myself occupied. I am visiting my childhood home for vacation so, I've had no friends to keep me busy.
I honestly have realized that LLL is right.
And thanks CW
I am turning my phone off for a while, and keep my self busy with work and community service.
I just want to get away for a while.
I need to figure things out in my head.

[OG612]

That may do your ego a lot of good, but has probably done little positive for her long term. OTYA was right, this is hurtful. She connected, you played.

It hasn't done her very much good in the long run. True. But I didn't play her. We both had a very deep, very powerful connection. She was moving to Florida and I was separating from the Air Force and moving back to Missouri. We had different plans in life at that point. She wanted to stop stripping and become a kept woman. I need an equal partner. Once I make my first million and retire from working a job in a few years, then it'll be a different story. I still miss her. I still have fond feelings for her. But I don't want her at this point in time. I've offered to work with her and retrieve that piece of her heart for her (as I've done for myself) and help her learn how to get the kind of man (or men) she wants so she doesn't have to strip anymore. We're talking at least $1000 just in deep trance work plus God knows how much for my coaching. She doesn't want it. She plans to keep looking and I wish her all the best.

You are still very young, for all you think you understand, you are missing the biggest piece of the picture. There may come a day when you evolve to a place where you "get it", or not. There are a lot of people who never get there.

I'm already there, sweetie. I appreciate the insight, but these emails I received had nothing to do with my ego or psyche. Yeah, it felt kinda nice to hear that stuff, but my ego is already over-inflated!

Little Miss

L3 isn't entirely right. It's not that you're leading them to sex and then denying them later on. You've previously had a sexual relationship (or just a fling) with some of these guys. Time passes and you two start to see each other again. They're thinking "We already did it once. This is in the bag!"

It's not that you're leading them on. It's not t hat you're sending mixed signals. It's that they can't understand what's going on. You just got out of a four year relationship with someone you loved at one point. You're not looking to jump in to another relationship right off the bat. That's something else that these guys you're dating from your past just don't comprehend.

Be upfront with them when they ask you out. Tell them "Look. I want you to know I just broke up with my boyfriend of four years and I'm not looking for anything right now other than just a platonic friend. If you're OK with that, then cool. But if you're looking for sex and/or a relationship, then we're going to have to end this right now."

If you don't stand up and make your intentions clear from the jump, then you're going to keep being confused until God gets tired of this stuff and imposes His will upon you (which is not His style).

OG

[miss.sin.t.uh]

I decided to share My story because CW mentioned that it was hard for her 20 yr old friends to pick up who is just there for the sex, and who is "real". Well I am in that category, although I am not a Wallaby lol like OG mentioned. Im actually from California.
Anywho, Thanks to all of you. This thread really helped me out. I read all the pages!
and thanks OG&CW and you too L3

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Who's L3?

Only joking...

You know threads may have been started for a "friend" but we were all 20 once and yeah it was hard then and it's hard now..

Don't disappear on this , because now that I am mentioning all of this, Other's may reply as well to you...

Usually the do with your take on a thread. If they don't friggen come here and see this guess what I will do? Copy, paste what you just said and um start a thread for you....lol.

It's tough as I said... I remember.

I am the type of lady that refuses to give up on anything in life.....

As a woman?

I would say, don't let them come over.

Ensure they take you out.

Don't go past a kiss.

Do, show that your interested.

Don't let them think they are the only one.

Don't answer within 24hrs.. your busy.

Do answer.

Keep them guessing, thinking, wanting.

Always be you.

Never change.

That's all I have at them moment only cause I've had a beatch of a week and I'm buggered ....

I will keep an eye though cause that would be me.

CW